When will I actually have a good day?

[m1m1rie]

I am sure I don't have PND as my youngest DD is 2.5 and I have another aged 11. 4.5 years ago I moved to an area I detest because of my husband's job. When he left that job, he just got another in the same area, only this time his employers are (apparently) slowly going broke and his wages are erratic, to put it mildly. by Christmas last year we had survived two months on three weeks wages - not conducive for a merry christmas! We have moved home three times in two years (twice in three months) and I have no friends here, my family live 200 miles away and my workaholic husband has had only Christmas day off since he started work at this new job almost 7 months ago. (he works EVERY day - Sat and Sun included). He is chasing his dream, which is why he is putting in the hours at this job, but with it all about to fold and the fact that we have gone through our ENTIRE savings (we are so broke it is untrue). My husband won't listen to my opinions, and even accused me the other day of not supporting him!!!!(i.e not just telling him we will be ok just carrying on as we are) and I don't see an end to anything. It has got to the point where I don't even care about myself at all. I don't care that my hair is a mess or that I never buy myself anything new (despite having a job of my own). I know I am not worth any of this, and life to me is simply about raising my kids and making everyone's life comfortable. I wouldn't ever say any of this to my husband or family because they would pass me off as hysterical, but I just need an outlet. Therapy would not really ever happen, and I would be too embarrassed to go to the doc anyway. I am not asking for much, I don't need people telling me how wonderful I am (cos I know I'm not) or the unhelpful advice of 'you just have to get on with it'. I just don't want to feel this crap anymore.

oh m1m1rie! poor you :(

I don't know how your husband can accuse you of not supporting him! a marriage is a 2-way thing.. he should be supporting YOU as well.

Can he not see what is going on?

I know he loves me and both DDs, but as for marriage being a two way thing, he has never been particularly helpful, but was so much better than this a few years ago. I am just feeling that the pursuit of his dream job is all-consuming at the moment. I know that if he pulls it off I would be delighted for him because he is so good at what he does. But how much more of this scrimping life to we have to go through before he realises that success is down as much to luck as it is hard graft. You need both, and without both you can just end up on your a*. It has happened to friends who have lost everything and divorced and, whilst I think I would probably have more staying power than that wife, I don't know if we could continue forever like this carrot and stick lifestyle

could he not get a similar job nearer to your family? make a fresh start?

Hi m1m1rie
Do you and your dh spend much time together? I am guessing not. Me and my husband were in a similar situation a while back, although admittedly not so far gone. I am sure that if nothing was done when it was, we would be in the same shoes right now.
Arrange for someone to babysit and have a night out-theatre, nice meal, concert, whatever floats your boat!!! Then talk to him properly when you really do have his undivided attention. He can't run away from you with the excuse of the kids or the mobile going off.
My husband was in a dead-end job which was going nowhere but the hours and shifts were horrendous. It was breaking us apart!!!
We have got our happy ending and you can too. My husband took a pay cut for a different job and life is great. You need to talk to your husband. He may be feeling like he's let you all down by not being able to provide for you-in turn that makes him push harder. It's a catch 22 situation but you've got to make him see what's happening.
That's just my opinion from my own experience. Hope that helps!!!