PTSD a year on...

[Hobs]

Just wondering if there are any fellow birth trauma ptsd sufferers out there who can share their experiences of this a year after the birth?

My DS has just turned one and the last couple of weeks have been utterly exhausting. My nightmares have come back with nobs on, I'm constantly thinking about the birth and after events, and I feel as though I've gone a hundred steps backwards. I'm feeling totally detatched from everything again and emotionally numb / flat.

I don't know what I'm asking really, just is this normal?!

Hi Hobs, I also suffered PTSD following the birth of dd in May last year. I had a traumatic birth ending in an emergency cat 1 c section. I had horrific nightmares and the experience also brought up past experiences which was very upsetting. Have you had any kind of counselling? After about a year a felt better, but still not like I feel 'normal'. Could you revisit this if you can feel things not going the way you would like them to? It sounds like you are very aware of the trigger feelings so that is very positive. Are you over tired? I often feel the way you describe when I feel I can't manage. Can you have a rest? Have a bit of time to yourself? If I was you I would perhaps get some further PTSD specific counselling or revisit this. It is really great you have flagged that you don't feel ok.

I had counselling and like you have had some nightmares again recently. It really bothers me afterwards but a few days later I feel ok again. I do feel a bit more in control of this now, but have to keep busy to not go backwards. I am back at work, setting up a sideline business and also looking after my family. It is busy. Sometimes I think I keep busy to stop myself thinking about things. I have to be tired to sleep or I have nightmares. I think part of this is normal. We have been through a very traumatic experience and it will take time to be ok. I don't think we will ever be 100% though. Maybe I am wrong?

It is still hard for me to talk to people now, as only close family and friends know what I have been through and I feel now I should have everything under control. A friend of mine also went through similar and it has put her off having another baby. I was like that up until a few months ago and now I am warming to the idea. But only under my terms with a planned c section so I don't go through the same or similar again. My DH also says this is the only way we will have another. I was traumatic for him too.

I very much hope you get lots of others replying to this with their experience as
I will watch this thread with interest. I really hope you feel better soon.

I also should mentioned PND - it can hit later on after having a baby. Particularly in these circumstances. Have you seen your GP to just check that out? It may not be anything to do with it but you would be able to get the support you need if it is? Do you think you might want to do that?

Hi Giant! Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you've suffered with it too. I had a difficult delivery - a failed crash-section, followed by a forceps delivery resulting in 4th degree tear, other vaginal tears and tears to my womb. My DS had to be resuscitated and was in special care for a week. I was diagnosed with PTSD and PND after 5 months of pretending to be totally fine! I am having counselling and CBT at the moment. I'm exhausted from the nightmares, and I don't get "proper" sleep anyway as I'm on sleeping tablets to get to sleep at all. My DH is good at giving me a rest. I've not gone back to work yet. I am terrible at over-doing things to take my mind off it and it always makes me feel worse in the end. I know what you mean about feeling like it'll never be totally ok. I often think that. I've hardly told anyone, most of my family don't know, and only friends who see us all the time. I can't bear to think about having another baby.

Poor you Hobs. I think you need to be kind to yourself you need to heal physically, mentally and emotionally and it doesn't all happen at the same rate. If you are having counselling now that is great and it sounds like your DH is being good at the letting you rest. It is really hard work but you will get there. Mention the nightmares at your counselling sessions, there may be a different way to tackle them. This all sounds really familiar to me. I dared not sleep in case I had a nightmare at one stage. That is was just stupid as I was exhausting myself. It sounds like you are doing all you should but giving yourself time to get to where you want to be. You need to tell yourself it is ok and look at how far you have come so far! I am so grateful DD is here and ok and nothing happened to either of us. I remember that every day. It could have been a very different story. VERY easily. Do everything at your own pace and you will be ok... I am sure you will. Be kind to yourself.

..And in relation to having #2, I am very scared but I would like another one at some stage... but even thinking about it has taken a long time to get to!