im struggling so much this week.

[LissiesAWenlockLass]

I am in pain with my ribs. My joints are stiff and swollen. I keep digging my nails into my arms and legs and pulling my hair to change focus. I feel fat and bloated. I don't want to eat. My throat closes up at the thought.

My ads were working, I felt better, but right now everything is grey and heavy.

I keep fantasising about a car or a bus hitting me. I know it will pass, but last night I was in agony and just lay awake with the horrors, wondering how much better things would be if I could just disappear.

Hi Lissie - do you know what's causing the physical pain? Is it something you've had for a while, or do you feel it's related to your depression / anxiety? Please just do anything you can to give yourself a wee break, mentally and physically - lie in a hot bath, curl up on the sofa with a daft magazine. Don't worry about eating right now - if you feel rested later, you can have something. While these feelings are ambushing you, you can't think straight. So many of us have wished for a quick end to feelings like this, but you know that's the depression talking, not you.

Its a condition called teitzes, although my doc thinks its fibromyalgia now.

I just feel so heavy. I know it doesn't really make sense, but everything seems too complicated.

I'm so sorry Lissie, I know little about either condition, but it sounds really tough to be in that kind of pain. Has your GP put you in touch with a pain management clinic, or even recommended CBT for dealing with chronic pain?

How long have you been on the ADs? It's a bugger when they feel like they've stopped working, but you need to see your GP to assess whether the dose needs increased, or if different meds would be better. ADs can help you but it's a matter of finding the right formula. I hope you're OK - is there anything you can do which lifts your mood a bit?

I see a physio, which helps. I am seeing an edt next month (I lost a lot of weight again) the self-harming/hairpulling is something I haven't done since I was a teenager though. Been back on 20mg prozac for 6w now, prior to that, I was on 10mg for a month. I'm just tired of waiting for it to pass. I feel like I'm always waiting for the next wave iykwim.

Yes, I do know what you mean, to an extent. It's crap feeling like you're planning your life and just hoping something important/special won't coincide with a bad patch. 6 weeks feels like ages, but ADs can take up to 8 to get going, crap as that is. But I really think you need to go back to your GP and tell him/her how you're feeling and about the self-harm / hair-pulling, because you can't let that grow into something which will make you even more unhappy. It might be that Prozac isn't right for you, but your doctor is truly the best person to help. Can you make an appointment?