I'm pretty sure I have PND....

[domestique]

My DD is almost a year old.

Since her birth I have been feeling a bit all over the place. Mood swings, almost constantly feeling irritable and angry, foggy headed, feeling unconnected to the world, loss of appetite, lack of confidence, slow thinking, inability to make decisions - the list goes on and on.

I also feel totally isolated. I don't have many friends, the ones I do have have been supportive but are not people that I am able to see that often due to them having their own lives. I feel when I do meet up with them I feel so foggy headed and out of it that I don't feel much benefit anyway and then I beat myself up for being such a foggy headed, boring person. I've tried going to baby groups etc to meet new people, but I find it hard to make natural conversations with people when I'm feeling like this. I always feel so paranoid about what they must think of me.

I get so wound up sometimes, I find it hard to control it or calm down. Sometimes I just scream and shout and sometimes slap myself hard round the face and hit my head with my fists. In the last 6 months I given myself 2 black eyes.

I split up with my boyfriend when I was pregnant. I'm worried about the future, and I suppose angry that my life has turned out this way.

I've also been haunted by memories of rape that I experienced in my early twenties. Prior to having DD I thought I had dealt with it, but flashbacks flared up since her birth and I find the memories sometimes unbearable.

I have intimated to the GP, HVs etc that I've been feeling a bit down over the last year but have never really gone into any of the details. I told my mum about how I've been feeling when my DD was very little (and also confided to her for the first time about the rape) and although she has been supportive, she took the stance that I should not go to the doctors with any of this as they will get social services involved.

I feel like I can;t go on like this and want help. Realistically, what will a GP offer? Do Anti depressants work? What about counselling? Will I be put on a waiting list? What are your experiences?

You need to be honest with the GP and say what you've said here. Only then can they find the best way to help you. Yes, anti-depressants may well work for you, and the GP may also offer you counselling. There's likely to be a waiting list for therapy so best to get on the list now if you can.

I had PND. I hinted to HV too, she was pretty pants tbh.
When I finally broke down in front of another HV she sent me directly to GP.
GP prescribed tablets and offered counselling.
I needed my DH to have the wake up call that I was ill and needed help.
I'm ok now, I have moments of anger (more like tantrums really) which tend to be PMT related. I take evening primrose oil every day to try and help with that. I certainly notice if I've run out

Sleep deprivation was a massive factor for me. Sleep whenever you can, can someone take your LO out while you rest?
Most importantly, be kind to yourself, and do some small things for you every day (bath / read / drink hot tea) - these little things are important in coping with stress.

You've made a massive step by admitting there's a problem. Your GP will look after you