I've been keeping a mood diary over the last three months.
About one day in three I list as being suicidal. For me, I class it as the state of mind where I could quite happily cease to exist, but not at the point where I actually do anything about it. The only thing that stops me doing it is know that it would make me an even worse mother than I already am.
I generally only get actively suicidal when I'm emotionally unstable, usually related to PMT or ADs I'm taking. On these days I've tried throwing myself into the river (sounds stupid now, but seemed like a good idea at the time - DH stopped me), taken an overdose of ADs or tranqs/alcohol, or not deliberately suicidal but not caring enough about consequences - getting out of a moving car.
Would you use the term "suicidal" to describe someone actively wanting to commit suicide, or passively wanting to die but not having the motivation to do it, or prevented by guilt?
Or both?
I just don't want my psych to think I'm a drama queen, but conversely I don't want to understate the way I'm feeling.