Breaking Point is Very Close

[mama2moo]

In a nut shell - My dp and I of 9 years split up in January. He had arranged a flat behind my back and moved out. I am now left with our two children - 4 and 2yo.

I am struggling big time. I hate knowing that I have this shite to deal with and he just goes home to his nice little flat and only worries about himself. We are talking about trying again but he has admitted he likes his life now.

I am having counselling for a separate issue - An ongoing issue with neighbours. The police have put me forward for counselling to see if helps victims of anti social behaviour. I had my first session on Saturday and she did a depression test on me. I scored 19 out of 40 so am moderate.

Today I feel like crap. I want to cry, dont want to do anything and am snapping at the kids. I just want to go back to bed and not move.

Will counselling help me or am I best off getting to my gp.

Counselling will help, I would go and see your GP as well. It's your decision which route you want to go down but you need to find what works for you. My DH was diagnosed with depression last year and for the first 9 months refused ADs and counselling. When he got to breaking point he went for both (he's on AD and is undergoing CBT) and they are helping him, but it's a slow process. CBT is now less frequent as he has made good progress.

Sounds like you need support. Is there anyone in RL you can reach out to?

Mama2moo - I think you are describing a depressive illness. I am no medic but am a suffered of this horrid illness (won't bore you with all my details) Your para starting "Today feel like crap etc" is absolutely exactly the same as I feel when my bouts of bad days descend, which is why I am so sure you have depression. Also the roots of depression are mostly about loss, doesn't have to be a bereavement, can be loss of anything, relationship, house, job etc. That fits for you too, as you have suffered a loss of your relationship.

My advice is that you go to your GP and write down your symptoms in a list (don't leave anything out) and either read it to him/her or hand it over. It may be that you are a person who won't have trouble with that first visit to a GP but many of us do and the list helps. Remember you will not be telling the GP anything that he/she has not heard hundreds of times before. One third of all GP appts are for mental health issues. 1 in 4 people will suffer from this horrid illness at some point in their lives and 1 in 6 are suffering at any one time.

I think the GP will prescribe ADs and hopefully will tell you that they don't work straight away - sometimes they can take 2/3 weeks or more to kick in, and sometimes (but not always) you can feel worse when you first start taking them because you feel the side effects before the benefit, or the dose is not high enough, because they usually start you on a low dose.

Counselling may well help you but I think you need to be feeling better before you can make good use of the counselling. The NHS usually offer CBT for 6 weeks and there can be a long waiting list. Mind I have been having NHS counselling (not CBT but delving more into my life) for some months now, but I think I got that because I was on psych ward for 3 months. Might be worth asking what is available.

Private counselling can cost around £50 per hour and I wouldn't imagine you are awash with money just now. Does the ex have the children sometimes to give you a break. Have you any RL support - if so call on it and be honest. I think we all know that there is still a stigma around mental health and I know I felt ashamed that I had it and thought there was something I should be able to do about it, and we don't feel like that with a physical illness.

Take care and keep us posted.....

Thanks both. I had that worry about starting counselling now to be honest. I will see my GP this week. Good idea about writing down how I feel.

Exdp does have the kids but is very quick to bring them home when he has had enough.

OK - phone for an appt tomorrow and let us know how you get on. Have you any family or friends who can support you. Not sure how it works for you but on my bad days I usually get a fair bit better by evening. Mornings are crap - total crap. Do both of the children sleep through ok. How is your sleeping/eating. Are you having any suicidal thoughts - again don't be scared if you do, because they are a symptom of depression. Just make sure you put everything down onthe list.

Sending warm wishes

Well done for taking the first step - recognising you need some help and support. I think that's one of the hardest things.

Good luck.