I will try to keep this as brief as possible without leaving any details out.
19 Months ago I had my 3rd DC. As with my 2nd i was put under severe pressure to return to work quickly by my boss and was bullied. I had depression as a result. It is not the first time, I also had PND with my 1st (but not my 2nd) and at various times after this.
My GP was very good when I had my last bout, but when she realised that I had previoiusly had lots of AD's for other depression many years ago she seemed to change her stance and said it wasn't worth my while having anything as my depression was situational and that if I changed my job it would get better. I agree with her, but I am trapped to a certain extent. I am the only earner, we are just getting by and have 18 months of a fixed term in our mortgage to run to. I have tried to get other work, but there are very few other positions even advertised and even if I do get something I think I would be unlikely to earn what I do now. This makes me feel bad about the fact that we will need to sell our home and with little equity and lower wages it would be difficult to get something else (we are currently in 3 bed semi). I worry that we would struggle to find security of a family home.
My DH does not work. Our original plan of him looking after the DC has been ok, but he did say when he gave up 4 yrs ago to be a SAHD that if the need arose for him to look for work he would. This now is not happening. He is currently on AD's after I eventually got him to go to GP when his depression was making my life hell and he refused to get help. I feel let down by him and at times wonder if I would be better off without him, but then feel for the DC who he adores/they adore him.
My concern now is that I do not know what is coming first - the depression causing me difficulties or that I have some difficult circumstances that are leading to the depression. I am scared of leaving this job and either not finding another and making our family homeless or struggling as much else where.
I should mention that both my maternal and paternal family have high rates of depression but that I have also had a few difficult circumstances - father of 1st DC was abusive (we split when he was 2yo), me and DC were then homeless, my 1st DC then had a chronic illness and after a 2 year remission when we thought all was ok sadly died after 4 years. Around this time
Should I go back to my GP and see if AD's or other support may help me? I feel like I could cry at the very slightest thing and am losing my confidence and feel that positions that I am sure I could fulfill I am starting to doubt myself on. But I also worry that if any of the positions I require want a medical report that this may be to my disadvantage.