Can't cope with another day

[GracieLoo]

Don't want to deal with another weekend, every day is a struggle but I have to carry on for my daughter but some weekends when she's not there I find it hard to carry on and horrible thoughts go through my head. I fight with these thoughts all the time.

I think I have read your posts before GracieLoo but sorry I can't remember your back story. I am assuming your daughter is away for the weekend (with her dad maybe) Am I right in thinking that you are worse if your daughter is away......can you say more about what is happening for you.

I'm tired, tearful, fed up of being like this after therapy, cmht support and different meds. It's so hard, being up and down so much, mainly down. I don't think it's harder when my daughters not here, but I suppose when she's here, I have to get up for her, do things, feed her etc. When I'm alone I have more time to think, and know I have opportunity to hurt myself without putting her at risk.

I try all the keeping busy, making plans with friends etc, but I'm still so empty inside.

Oh god I so know how the empty inside thing feels Gracie. It is total crap. Is this your first time on ADs - maybe your GP needs to change them, as sometimes you have to try more than one till you get the right one. Maybe the dose needs to be raised?

Mental illness is so much worse than any physical illness as far as I'm concerned. Then it plays the trick of sometimes being ok and sometimes not, just for good measure. Are the CMHT still seeing you.

How's the weekend going OP? Are you feeling OK?

GracieLoo were with you. I obviously don't know what's led to this state for you, hope you are seeking some help.

How are things today Gracie?

Thank you for asking how I am, thats when these sites help when feeling so alone. Dropped LO off at her dads, can't help feeling she doesn't miss me at all when she's there. Haven't felt like seeing anyone today so just slept mainly, now in garden starting on the wine to numb the pain. I don't know why I'm still depressed, on fourth lot of meds, thought I was doing bit better but then the same old feelings quickly returned. I don't think I'll ever change so what's the point, and what if it affects LO? See mental Heath sw every week but find no support at weekends hard.

Gracie when I was a single parent and used to drop my DS at my parents I used to feel heartbroken that he dashed in without a backwards glance. I took it personally. But this your depression - you're seeing everything through your own unhappiness and assuming because you don't like yourself much then no one else does either.

It's OK if she doesn't miss you. It's even a good sign - it shows you're raising a confident child who feels loved and knows you're coming back to her. You're letting her develop a relationship with her DF. These are all amazing things.

God I feel awful, know she needs me but I can't live like this. Want someone to help me

Phoned Samaritans, does anyone else find them a waste of time. Find it hard just talking, wish they could give advice.

I was out last night Gracie, sorry. Think the Samaritans are always a bit hit and miss, depends who is on duty! How are you feeling today?