Cant cope anymore

[m4ya]

Hello everyone,
Im writing because I am feeling so down, unhappy and generally feel as if I cant cope anymore. Im not sure whether its PND.
I have a ds who is nearly 4months old. I used to love spending all my time interacting with him, and tend to him as soon as I herd even the smallest of cries... now however I have found myself to just let him cry until I really have to tend to him. I feel ashamed of myself for doing tht to my poor little ds, but at the time I just seem to ignore him! I get irratated over every little thing, especially with my dh. I find myself crying every day! See no hope for the future! Can anyong give me some advice or anyone out there feeling the way I do?

Go and see the GP. PND/depression is horrible but there is treatment for it if you ask for help. If you have a nice HV ask her for a home visit and explain how you feel; sometimes just talking to someone about it can help.

Oh blimey i you could be me i am having a really tuff time at the mo & am crying all the time, i feel the same as you, i don't know if there is anything i can say to help as i am feeling exactly the same but i am sure things can get better & the best advice i have been given so far is to speak to someone. I know its hard facing up to the fact that you dont feel 100% yourself but maybe it will help you in the long run....

Goodluck & if you would like to chat let me know take care

oh m4ya you sound very down to me. have you spoke to your HV or GP? i have felt like this before and i found that talking about it really helped to find out why you feel like this . do you get out on your own? i have the problem of feeling like i am locked up and it was really getting me down but i have started a course and its helping.

if you leave your ds to cry it wont hurt him for a while . if you start getting angry (with him or anything in general) then put him down and have a cup of tea and refresh yourself .

crying isnt a bad thing and its better then holding it all in . let it out. feel sorry for yourself and talk tell someone everything that is annoying you and let it all out !! it will help .

im sure your DH will understand if you just start rambling on . if it is PND then you will have an answer but its hard to sypathise with someone if they dont know whats wrong. so tell him he will be able to support you better.

hope i have said something of use and i hope you get the help and support that you need
good luck and all my thoughts are with you

No I havent been to see the doctor yet but I think if I do, he might just think Im being silly and theres nothing wrong with me and its all in my head! I do feel like Ive been locked up, I moved from london wen I got together with my dh. So havent got any friends local. Started an llb but thats letting me down, as I never seem to have the time to do any work!!

was meant to say its getting me down as i seem to get no time to do any work.

m4ya you really do need to go to the docs and I'm sure that no one will think you're being silly. PND is a real illness and your life seems hopeless until you get help. It's a horrible place to feel trapped and everything suffers. It's a common illness and nothing to be ashamed of because it is an illness.

I remember walking into my doctors room and just sitting down and staring at the wall. He asked what he could do for me and I said phone social services and ask them to take my child. He was shocked at first and then said that I needed help because it was post natal depression. I told him I'd kill my child if I took him home so he would have to phone social services to take him away. Luckily my GP is very close to all my family and instead he phoned my mum. My mum took my ds for three or four nights a week for almost six months. At the time it really helped me but looking back, it caused a whole lot of problems. Don't have regrets. Get help now and don't wait like I did. My ds1 is almost seven and we have a horrendous relationship. I think it's all down to the guilt I feel for trying to give him up. My relationship with ds2 is totally different and I did suffer from PND with him. But the difference was I got help quickly because I saw the signs. Please don't wait. Make an appointment first thing. If they say there's aren't any tell them you demand to see someone that day.

I know I've rambled and I'm sorry but it's a very emotional subject for me. Don't wait.

Thank you to everyone that has posted a message, its got me wanting to go and see my gp and tell him how im feeling. Im going to try and get an appointment as soon as I can. Thank you guys for all the support!

How are you feeling today m4ya?

Hi

Hope your feeling abit better and have got an appointment with your GP. Don't worry about others thinking your just being silly once I admitted to others how I was feeling I was amazed at how many others around me had also suffered the problem with this sort of illness is that people are ashamed to admit to it so when you suffer you feel you are the only one. You just have to look at the amount of messages on this site to realise tha isn't the case!

I know how you feel to ave moved away from your home and not know any one whn your feeling better why not speak to your HV about mother and toddler groups in your area. Babies are always welcome as alot of peple with toddlers also have babies and I've found it a great way of meeting new people. Just go with an open mind to those you meet as I've found myself becoming friends with people who I never before would have dreamed of even talking too.

Just realised I'm rambling on!

Hi

Hope your feeling abit better and have got an appointment with your GP. Don't worry about others thinking your just being silly once I admitted to others how I was feeling I was amazed at how many others around me had also suffered the problem with this sort of illness is that people are ashamed to admit to it so when you suffer you feel you are the only one. You just have to look at the amount of messages on this site to realise tha isn't the case!

I know how you feel to ave moved away from your home and not know any one whn your feeling better why not speak to your HV about mother and toddler groups in your area. Babies are always welcome as alot of peple with toddlers also have babies and I've found it a great way of meeting new people. Just go with an open mind to those you meet as I've found myself becoming friends with people who I never before would have dreamed of even talking too.

Just realised I'm rambling on!

Hi Flip,
I am feeling a little relaxed within myself to have made an appointment with my gp for tomorow, and have had a chat to my dh but he seems to think he cant say anything on the subject as he doesnt kno anyething about it, but I saw him doing research on the net last night which made me feel better and instead of going out with his friends like he usually does on monday evening, he stayed indoors and spent some quality time with me and ds!

Hey Annelousie,
I am feeling better and have got an open mind about my appointment with my gp. I am more confident about going and actually discussing my problems with him instead of going there and walking out from the waiting room which I would have done before. As for you thinking you rambled on, I took all your advice on board so it wasnt just rambling!

I also wanted to thank each and everyone of you that have shown me support and given me some fantastic advice! thank you loads!

Hi again everyone,
I've got a confession to make, I still havent been to see my GP yet, it is not entirely my fault. Main reason was my younger brother (15yrs) got in trouble with drugs and school, and mum doesn't speak english well either so I had to go to London to sort that out for my mum who has been through alot of grief recently. Now I feel even worse.
I find myself being torn between all the people I love dearly and my health, as if I do start getting treatment (councelling) I wont be able to get down to London when Im needed; as I am always stuck for time with my 4mnth old ds and my law course Ive started. I know the right thing for me to do is go and see my GP and get this cleared up but am now feeling scared. PLEASE HELP
Sorry its a bit long!

hi m4ya sorry you didn't get to gp. i can really relate re. sacrificing own needs for family. do they know how youre feeling? put yourself first for once. not easy i know, my ds 18 months and only now accepting i need serious help. i'm new to this site too, but seems like a really supportive crowd of people who really do understand.

No my family do not know how I feel, the only person who knows is my dh, and he feels how I only I can make the decision.

is there someone you can leave ds with while you visit doctor? or you can take him along. i promise you will feel much better for taking that step! take care {{hugs}}

No there isn't anyone I can leave ds with as my mum is about a 40min drive from where I live, and I dont drive. And dh's mum same sort of distance away. And dont really know anyone else in the area!

Hi everyone.
I feel really down,and am very teary. Am alone at home with my ds 4months who is crying if I leave his side. I feel suffocated! I screamed at him a little while ago, n feel awful! PLEASE HELP. What shpuld I do?!?!

either
1)if you've got a sling put that on and walk round house with him doing what you would be doing anyway
2)get him in pushchair and go for a walk somewhere/anywhere (if you feel embarassed by him quiet go somewhere that won't be too busy), and you are far far less likely to yell at him

3)if you really really can't face up to either of the above, once you've checked he's not hungry/needing a nappy change, stick him in his cot/moses basket, shut the door and have a five/ten minute break till you feel calmer (drink and a piece of toast say?)

I suffered from anxiety and depression a couple of times in the past, not post natal, but the same. I went the docs and he referred me to a community counsellor because I was really scared of taking anti depressants. It really helped and eventually I felt so much better. They see you its convenient to you and this would mean it fits in with your family obligations.

The doctor DEFINATELY will NOT think your being silly and if he/she says anything like that see another doc/HV or even your midwife if necesasry, They will take you seriously and it will help, promise, promise!

But you do need help if you feeling so desperate. don't forget they see people who are depressed all the time, nothing new to them, you would be amazed.

If you had broken your leg you wouldn't dream of not admitting it would you??

Get yourself off and soon you can start enjoying your child and motherhood

Hi m4ya
I can totally 100% relate to everything you've written. My daughter's 15 months old now and me and her have a wonderful relationship!!!
Me and my husband moved from East London when I was 6 months pregnant to Essex. Having a new baby, especially when you're 1st time parents puts a hell of alot of stress on your relationship with your partner. We were having an awful time, plus we don't drive and didn't have any support from either of our family's. My MIL insisted I go to the GP because I had PND, which actually made the situation 1000 times worse. I was already feeling down and didn't need someone who didn't know anything about me assuming the worse. She made me feel like a failure. I think it's harmful to assume you it when you may just be tired, etc. I still to date, don't think I was suffering from PND-just very hormonal and tired!!!
I asked my sister to babysit 1 day and although it was the hardest thing in the world at the time, I managed to leave our dd and me and my husband started to rebuild our relationship.
We're now so happy, but I have to admit, I could see myself really harming my dd sometimes.
Take the advice from some of the other mums-turn up the music or tv (so you can't hear the crying), put ds somewhere safe (cot, playpen etc), put your feet up and chill for a minute!!!
Trust your instincts and trust the people around you who know you and CARE!!!!
I promise, things WILL get better!!! Go to the GP even if only to have a good moan-don't put pressure on yourself to do it-do it when you're ready!!

hi m4ya sorry not been back have been really low myself, but I did finally open up to mum, MIL, SIL, and this week friends and have been amazed at their support. I told myself for ages they didn't need the hassle etc, but they feel bad for not knowing! I feel stronger now that that I'll get through this. Also my HV has arranged some PND councelling. Has your HV been back? Don't worry about pestering them, that's whjat they are there for. Sound advice from Tears and Tahira: when baby gets too mcuh, if he's safely in his cot, you can take a time out, just step out front door/ put on CD, anything to 'change the tempo'. Let us know how you're getting on. x