Hopelessness

[TeacakeTilly]

That's just it, really. I can't help feeling life is just futile. I'm on ADs, I've had CBT, I'm in the list for counselling, but I can't see how I can ever get out of this pit of depression and anxiety.

I have a good job but it's ridiculously stressful. Doing anything else would involve a big pay cut so I'd only end up worrying about money. My DH is wonderful but over the past year my romantic feelings for him have dwindled until I feel like I'm with the wrong person. I was desperate for kids but we tried and didn't conceive and now I'm not sure I even want it any more.

All I can see is a life of routine, stress if we have kids, and loneliness if I end up on my own. I can't see how it could be any different. I don't really have any friends no matter how hard I try. Nobody ever wants to stay in touch with me. Even our new dog prefers DH and is indifferent to me :(

How long have you been on ad's?

I felt like that last year, was in a deep depression, now I still feel a bit hopeless most of the time but not half as much as I did

Don't make ANY life changing decisions atm, let your mood stabilise, get councelling going and keep talking to your DH. Everything you've said sounds like you're depressed, take it easy on yourself, allow yourself to recover

I would look at changing something about the work situation, even if it's less money. It's not worth risking you

Thanks for replying Have been on ADs for about six weeks. Saw doctor who basically said she can't do anything else at the moment - I'm on medication, on the list for counselling, there isn't anything else.

It can take 6-8 weeks for the ad's to kick in.

You've been through an awful lot, give yourself a hug and take care of you.

Can you do something gentle with your DH and Dog this weekend? You might not find it enjoyable but it will be good for you.

You've done really well to get rl help, that's a big achievement.

Checking your diet might help, remove refined products and add mood boosting foods.

You will get there, big hug, x

Teacake, you really need to talk to someone, what is your position re talking to family members? Have you thought of talking to a counsellor over the phone while you are waiting for face to face counselling? You only have to pay for as many sessions as you want. I actually had a phone counselling session for free as it was my first one and I felt better just for a chat.

And I know you said your job was stressful, can I ask a couple of things about that? Do you actually enjoy it, you didn't actually say as such or is it awful? Also, does it need to be so stressful do you think? What I mean is, are there any steps you can take to make it less so eg. better organisation or something? i know where this is the case where I work - it would not be as bad if it was organised better! It does not sound like you are thinking rationally enough to make a decision about children just yet if you don't mind me saying so let the medication and counselling help you first. Please hang in there, sending you a big hug, shut your eyes and imagine it (don't worry I'm not mega big and strong and I smell clean).

I could talk to my mum but she adores DH so it's difficult. The only problem with counselling is that I tend to pour my heart out and while that helps a bit I never get any further because I'm desperate for advice and they're not allowed to give it to you. So I end up having offloaded but no nearer to making any decisions.

My job is a lot more interesting than any I've done before but it's so stressful I end up getting ill. My boss isn't very supportive and no matter how organised I am (and I could be more, so it's one of my targets), only the way he is changing will actually make a real difference to how effectively I can carry out my job. I can't go into details as I don't want to out myself but if I said what area of work I'm in it'd be obvious!

I just feel so trapped. I just don't know what to do :(

Make a list of ALL your issues, word/excel table, categorise them into work/oh/family/health or whatever else. Then try to find a solution.

ie for me

home - diy - bathroom - get plumber quotes
home - diy - bedroom - get paint - book time to paint

work - low clients - advertise
work - high expenditure - refine out going etc

Take one problem at a time. Might help you to get past low level stress to find the main issues you need councelling with.

Does your work have a councelling service?

Thanks. I have done that for the smaller things but unfortunately it's the bigger issues that are stressing me: do I change jobs / do I stay with DH? I just keep going round in circles :-(

A big hug for you Tilly. I totally agree with TeamGB - don't let yourself make any big, life-changing decisions right now. Not while the depression's doing most of the thinking, and not you. I'm in a similar position - started on AD's a few weeks back, on waiting list for therapy, feeling like utter shite. And I know how you feel about work. Mine is mega stressful, but we need the money and there are very few other jobs I could get right now. Do hang in there re: the ADs. My experience with them in the past is that one day things just don't seem so bad. Even the big issues, and work too. They'll help you to see things in an easier light.

A walk with DH and the dog sounds a good idea. I felt quite a bit better just sitting in the park with my DP yesterday and playing stupid games like I-Spy and The Minister's Cat (yes, we are both adults) to keep my mind busy and keep us laughing. Take care of yourself.

With your job, atm, I would do a mind map and list the problems, ie, long hours - could you ask for a job share/reduced hours.
High stress - could you buddy up/delegate.
Long commute - could you do some hours at home.

When your ad's kick in then you could start looking at your long term. Your employer should be willing to make adjustments if it means keeping a valid/experienced staff member.

With your DP, again a mind map breaking down the issues into manageable parts.