Felling the lowest i have ever felt................ :0(

[Mum2OneAndOneMore]

I know most of you probably know about my situation with ds & his pre-school (he escaped & got picked up by a nice man luckily) but things are going from bad to even worse (if this can get any worse)

Bit of back ground, I have to beautiful children one ds who is 3.5 & quite a independant & strong willed little man who has always been fasinated with doors & running away, i also have a beautiful little Dd who is 6 weeks & is a very content & fantastic baby.

Well today i wake up at 8am to face the fact that ds had stood on a box & opened the front door & decided he was off to my sisters to see his couson (who he adores) he had put MY shoes on & a jumper & went down the road, Luckily again a lovely lady found him & brought him home.

I am seriously getting concerned now & i am really really depressed i have actually never ever felt this low in my whole life, I am a good parent & i always try & do my best by my kids, i have given up my life for my kids & i throw everything piece of energy i have into them especially ds.

Ds has always been one to run away he is 3.5 but still has to go in a pushchair because he will not hold my hand & likes to run away, i have been trying so so hard to drum into him about strange people & that he has to stay with mummy at all times etc etc but he just does not understand.

I sriously am feeling my lowest i am defo depressed as i have no motivation for life now, i am just draging my feet day by day, i cry at least once a day & i am really feeling the strain

I am scared to tell anyone as i think they will think i can not cope, i can cope but life has just got a bit hard lately what with all that has been happening with ds, i think it has also effected him alot what with his new baby sister he is very jealous of her, so we do not give her much attention when ds is around as this really bothers him.

I don't know what to do? where to go? or how to deal with it?

I just want to curl up into a ball & be left alone at the moment, i am devastated

I forgot to add i feel like a total Failure

Have you done the pnd test? It does sound like you may be suffering from it.

Poor thing :(

Oh hun!

You are NOT a failure.

Its tough having two little ones and the scare at your DS's nursery is enough to knock anyone down.

I have to be honest though, it seems to me that with what you have posted you could be developing PND. Quite a few classic sypmtoms there.

Please please please go and see your GP and HV as soon as possible and get yourself some help. Im sure they will understand and be able to suggest a few things for you.

Please also talk to your DH about how you feel.

Do you have a dh/dp who can help out? From your post, it sounds as if you're doing it all on your own.

Seek help for the depression, no one will think you are a failure.
Get a (can't remember the name of the thing) chain that you slide on, you know the one that will only let the door open an inch when you want to check who is on the other side and fit it to the top of the door.

Oh yeah

yeah, maybe you have some PND after the birth of your daughter which is making this issue with your son seem perhaps bigger than it is - not meaning to belittle it at all, but no one I know would ever say you were a bad mother or any of the things you think of yourself just because you have an escape artist as a son!!!

I know a little of how you feel, my son is alos 3 or so and is a devil for running away - I lost him on the beach last summer which was terrifying and I am almost ashamed to go in the local supermarket as ALWAYS losing him.........I have 3 so it is mad to keep an eye on them all.

I think when you feel low everything seems immense and awful. You don't sound like a terrible mother at all and certainly not a failure. Can you get a bit of a break? Can you talk to someone.......

I'm sure you have thought of this, but on a practical level, I would be bolting doors against your little Houdini......

My brother was a serial escaper - he went several times over the years, finally grew out of it when he was about 5. The first time he was only a baby - he pulled the front door open with the bolt at the bottom and crawled down the path and on to the pavement - where a woman tripped over him. He escaped another time (about the same age as your son) by pulling out a drawer and standing on it to reach the back door lock - ended up several streets away and was brought back by a policeman. He once absconded up a hospital fire escape and ended up on the roof of the hospital. Another time he went out at night - a neighbour found him standing by my Dad's car (it was about midnight). And he went from nursery too - only he went with a strange woman who had come to pick up another little boy with the same name for a neighbour - they were pretty lax in those days and he went happily off with her (my Mum saw them and chased after them down the road). He disappeared countless times before he was 5, we laugh about it now but at the time it wasn't so funny - my Mum nearly had a nervous breakdown.

I don't know what it is with certain kids that makes them want to go on these adventures but I think some children are very fearless - which is terrifying for their parents. On a practical level you need to make your house secure - high up bolts and deadlocks: do you have someone who can do this for you? You need to make people who look after him aware that he is a serial absconder - so they can be extra aware. 3.5 is still very little to understand the potential seriousness of his actions - but he will get better as he gets older.

And for you - you need to not be so hard on yourself - and I think all the advice about seeing your GP is spot on - you do sound like you may have the beginnings of PND. Best of luck.

Thanks everyone

I do have a dp but obviously with all the things that have been going on lately i have taken it all out on him (bless him) But today i have been phoning him at work crying & he has been my rock, thinking of all ideas to help me & make me smile again. Normally i am such a happy person I love my kids & would not change them for the world but things have just got on top of me lately & i can feel myself buckerling under, even know i am feeling so so down i am more than determined to beat this i am still trying to stay positive (well as pos as i can at this stage)

I have thought of all the bolts, we have a big bolt on the top of the front door which is always bolted as soon as we are in the house, but dp goes to work at 6 to 6.30am & then when the bolt is off till i wake up, but he is going to have to wake me up every morning and i am going to have to bolt the door after he leaves, we also have locks on every window & the back gate is bolted to the max so i am trying so so hard.

My family are not helping they seem to have no feelings or want to help, they just see it as i am NOT doing it properly, when they know full well i am trying my hardest, they have ds for an hr or so & have completly had enough after that time i say imagine trying it 24/7 its bloody hard work.

My Hv is coming on thursday so i will tell her all about it & i also have one of those tests to do on thursday no doubt i will have a bad score because as i said i have never felt this low before, i dont have much support Dp's parents are very good they have been on the phone trying to help as they are 300 miles away.

I am sure i will start to feel better soon but i just feel ds is being very destructive, i take him out to parks, indoor soft play, mother & toddlers i try to entertain him & make him tired but he still carrys on so its not as if he is bored, the only thing i can think of now is because he has no pre-school to go to as obviusly i had to take him out of hes last one because of what happened, so this could be affecting him as he was going 5 mornings (15hrs a week) He does miss it as he asks to go back, i am doing my hardest at the moment to try & find another, i am visiting one tomorrow AM but obviously i have to check that the place is like fork nocks before he can go there.

What are the signs of PND does anybody know? I suppose i should look in to it but i just feel to scared to think i am in denial as i really dont want to have/get it

With me, i felt like i wasnt coping, that no-one understood or cared. I felt alone and that family couldnt be bothered (they had no clue and still dont). I felt like i was an utterly rubbish mum - i probably was being. I couldnt talk to ANYONE about it. Everything got on top of me. I cried ALL the time or got angry ALL the time. I shouted and got frustrated at my poor children.

I felt like i had nothing really - other than my kids. I felt my only worth was to raise my kids and i wasnt doing that properly. I didnt want to go out but hated being in on my own all the time.

Although when DP came home i felt much better and calmer and i relished the weekends when i wanted to go out all the time. I cried when he left in the mornings to go to work.

I realised that i was on a downward spiral. I posted on here under a name change (then mucked up and posted in my normal name - doh!) and realised, thanks to some lovely people on here what the problem was. I went to see me GP asap who was utterly fantastic. She contacted my HV who came round to see me the next day she was in work.

I would urge you to see your GP as soon as you can and/or contact your HV.

HTH

xxx

VVVV - Thank you for taking the time to write that post it has made me think, alot of what you have said is exactly what has been happening in my life I just feel that i am scared to tell anyone (not sure why though) maybe i do not feel ready to talk? BUT i know there is a problem & i KNOW things are getting worse, i just feel embarrassed & ashamed if that makes sense? I have always held my head up high & smiled but behind closed doors i have cried many many times.

I have never been a talker i find it very hard to talk to people face to face i am quite a shy person, i suppose that is why i have come on MN, i know i need to bite the bullet as it is & tell my HV when she comes on Thursday as i know she would help me (she is a very nice lady)BUT i never seem to be able to let all my feelings out i always keep it all in!

No need to thank me

I was scared to tell people, because its like admitting you are a failure. Except you arent of course but it doesnt seem that way at the time. You dont think of it as an illness, which of course it is.

I found it hard to talk. Although initially i got the point across to my GP well enough when she asked me what i was seeing her for and i burst into floods of tears and didnt stop for about 20 mins! Dont be surprised if you do the same.

xxx

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling so crap. :(

With regard to the chain for the door, my ex mil has a chain on her front door that you can put on when you go out and it has to be opened with a key. I'll see if I can find one online for you.

\link{http://www.locksonline.co.uk/acatalog/Door_Chains_and_Door_Checks_.html\Hiatte Lockable Door Chain}. You can definitely put it on when you are leaving the house.

Hi rickman - Thanks for the link great idea i will defo be looking into buying one of those.

I was trying to find you on here a few weeks back as i have changed email addresses & wanted to email you a picture of Dd like promised I don't have your email though? not sure if you still have my old one? if you do my new one is exactly the same but @ntlworld.com.

Speak to you soon x

soory your feeling so low but I promise you if you go to your GP and get help you will start to feel better. Another idea for your son is a wrist band that you put on him with a mobile number. I know it want stop him running off but at least if he does run off any body who finds him will be able contact you. Also see if your family will take the baby even for an hour then your DS can have your whole attention at least for a little while. Just explain to them he needs abit of your time. If they want help outhave a friend who you would trust the baby with for a short time.