Post Natal Psychosis

[SarryB]

I was told at a Dr's appointment last week that I have PND, and have been having psychotic episodes. LO is 13 weeks old. I have been put on Sertraline for the PND, but the Dr decided that I don't need anything for the psychosis, as it improved in the past couple of weeks, and she seems to think that the episodes are not too extreme, and there is no chance of danger to myself or the baby.

Basically, I do not feel related to LO at all. I can't even say out loud that he is mine (it even makes me feel sick just to type it). To begin with, I maybe thought that he had been swapped at the hospital but I know this didn't happen - firstly because I was the only pregnant woman in there (very small MLU), and secondly, because I don't think there is another child out there that is actually mine. It's like the whole birth was just in my mind and I never even gave birth to a baby. One minute I was fat, and the next, there was a baby.

He is not being neglected. I treat him the same way I would treat any baby - I have a strong maternal instinct, being one of the eldest of 7 children, and would look after anyone's child or baby if they wanted me to. I was a nursery assistant too before I got pregnant. He is a smiley boy, with tremendous cradle cap and big bright blue eyes. I do not find him any cuter than other babies.

I keep thinking that his mum will come to pick him up, and I often whisper in ear when he's crying 'don't worry, your mummy will be here soon'. If someone turned up at the door claiming to be his mum, I would've handed him over without question - this feeling has slightly changed in the past two weeks, in that now I would need a bit of proof, like maybe them knowing a certain detail about him.

I'm not sure what I really want to say...I just needed to type this. Every story that I find about post natal psychotic episodes that I can find on the internet seem to be extreme - thinking the baby is possessed, or the TV sending secret messages.

Anyone experience anything similar?

Yep, completely recovered I'd say, the absolute opposite to who I was back then. DS is now 10mo.

I don't really know what to say, I didn't cope, so I went into hospital. Once I was on the right meds it turned my life around. Although I wasn't diagnosed pnp, I had bipolar. But I came across other mums with pnp, given the right meds and the chance to sleep they recovered and were all discharged with their children.

That's very reassuring - sometimes it just feels like this will be the rest of my life, that I'll constantly be trapped in this stupid and irrational way of thinking.

Have you told them that you want to ask women if they're missing a baby and are feeling frustrated that his mum hasn't come to get him yet? Are you feeling a bit resentful that it hasn't happened? I'm glad they've put you on an antipsychotic but it sounds from the little you've put here that you are still very much in the grip of this and I wonder if you could have more support.

I've told the psychiatrist everything that I feel and think - the thing is that I want to ask these women, but I just wouldn't. I know I wouldn't. I'm sure that at some point she will come to pick him up.

I'm rarely resentful that she hasn't come yet, it's only when I'm very tired that I'm saying and thinking why hasn't she come yet?

Hi Sarry,

Not experienced PNP myself but I had a terrible time a couple of years ago with extreme anxieties including psychotic symptoms, not realing trusting what was/wasn't real/true, everything feeling unreal. I got help including going on anti psychotics for a few months and it is the best thing you can do, am now completely better (but preg for 1st time and worried about whats to come!)

The best thing someone said to me was if you know something is wrong and have sought help you can't be crazy, which is exactly what you have done - realising something is wrong and getting help means you are on your way to being better. Also going through what you are and caring for a newborn must be so hard, but it sounds like you're doing well. It takes a few days for meds towork, I really hope and pray that you'll soon feel a lot better.