I urgently need to hear from those of you who had terrible pregnancies with anxiety/ depression but managed to do it again and be ok.

[totalfandango]

I had a terrible, awful time during the whole of my first pregnancy due to indescribable anxiety and black thoughts. I adore my child and thought for various reasons that maybe it could be different second time around. I have just found out a few days ago I am pregnant again. I am out of my mind with anxiety and terrified the whole thing is going to start over again. I cannot go through this again.

Can anyone give me any kind of hope or reassurance?

Many thanks x

you were ambushed last time, no two pregnancies are the same,

If you go for it again things in your favour are,

you know you can get through it,

you have less time to dwell on things, you have a massive distraction(first child), this does help,

you know what helps you,

you are aware of the signs,

you can interpret what is happening to you, and articulate what you need in the way of help,

don't let fear stop you from doing something you got through before,

I'm not saying it might not be hard but with the right support it's doable.

Thank you quotenquote for responding to me. You are right in what you say. I thought carefully about whether I could do this again and those were pretty much my thoughts.

Unfortuneately something happens to me when I am pregnant where I cannot bear the thought of the baby, it seems like an alien inside me and feels strongly like it is going to ruin my life. I though that would not happen again as I would be able to relate to it better having already had a child but sadly I am full of a million fears again.

I just want to feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I would see your Dr & discuss your fears. I had a terrible pregnancy the first time with panic attacks & depression. I had my 2nd 10 years later & suffered with deprssion again as I was off my medication. I had emigrated to Australia to put it down to homesickness but I realise now that the pregnancy hormones were to blame.

I fell pregnant again 2yrs later & I was in medication & seeing a Psychiatrist. There are anti d's that are ok to take during pregnancy & they adjust the dose near to the birth. I coped so much better in the medication. This could be an option for you so you don't have to suffer again.

Thank you julialyne. I didn't think anyon esle as going to reply which was aking me feel a it sad- I thought there had been a few women on here been through this.

I spoke to my dr as soon as I found out and have been put on sertraline and something else to make me sleep. If i don't sleep, my anxiety becomes unmanageable and I would not be able to convince myself that I can get through this.

Last time I went completely cold turkey on any medication and it damn near killed me, set a horrible scarey, out of control tone to the whole prenancy which I never mananged to break. So this time I have decide that meds are the way to go and will have to trust when drs say they are ok for the baby. Lots of pregnant women have to be medicated for physical health problems anyway and this is no less serious.

I was on Sertraline & Olanzapine while I was pregnant & I was under the care of a psychiatrist.

There are meds that are ok to take during pregnancy but they are not allowed to say that on the patient leaflet. As the pregnancy progresses the blood volume increases & the medication dose gets diluted. They usually increase the dose then towards the end near delivery they taper off the dose.

Bethan was a bit sleepy & a little jittery for a few days but has had no other side effects from me taking the meds whilst pregnant.

I had a much better pregnancy on the medication & coped so much better. I hope things are ok for you. See your Dr regularly & they can adjust the dose if needed. You will also need continued care after the birth as when the progesterone levels drop that can make depression & anxiety worse.

Sertraline has been the best medication for me with the least side effects.

Hey totalfandango i'm PG again (4+3) very early. but had a terrible time last time and worried about this time. currently on fluoxetine but am going to try to come off. however have been reading around this and on mumsnet - it looks like there is a section of the female population for whom pregnancy impacts the mental health. if you're in this category, then get the help you need. I think I am. It's quite isolating cause everyone else is happy!

I'm quite apprehensive about this pregancy. Particularly cuase i'm determined to go off meds during it. I skipped a dose last night and feel ok today - a bit more awake which is good.

One thing that is comforting me is that I feel a lot less peturbed and upended by being pregnant this time because it's not new. Are you finding that at all?

xx

Hi thanks for all your posts. I am currently in bed ill while my dp is doing everything for me, I cant even look after my child. I have been physically ill and very, very depressed for about 3 weeks now and dont feel like I can get through the rest of this pregnancy. But also cant face the alternative. I cant believe I was so stupid as to think I.could do this again after last time. I thought my son needed a sibling but what he needs more is a healthy mother. I am on sertraline and sleeping pills but still feel like utter shit. Am ashamed of myself and full of dread. I hoped this would get better but its getting worse. Will see perenatal mh people tomorrow but it wasnt any help last time and even the thought of going back there makes me ill.

Must stop now as moaning on internet probably not the solution either. Thanks again to those of you who posted trying to help x

totalfandango so sorry to hear that. how long have you been on the sertraline? it takes time to work.

I think you are having some irrational thoughts - you're not a terrible mother if you know you are having a bad time and you are resting to try to feel better. That's a wise mother.

depression has a physical cause and some women do get very affected by depression in pregnancy - that doesn't make them bad mothers, just that's their bodies. I'm on another good thread for depression - AD support thread - i'll try to find the link.

there are some people on there with some useful suggestions eg meditation - i've just downloaded a meditation app about anxiety.

it might help a little?

xxx

Hi somewhere. Thanks for your post. I have been away a few days to try and feel better but its not working. Huge row with dp he says he cant take any more of me. Which is fine, I cant take any more of me either.

Also found out there is not much evidence about taking the sleeping pills I am on in pregnancy at the dosage I am on and am convinced I have harmed the baby.

My mental health is now so poor I feel I have not much choice but to end this pregnancy, something I never ever imagined I wd do but then who does. I just cannot carry on like this and have to accept I cannot psychologically carry a child. The sertraline is numbing things a little at times but been on it plenty of time to be feeling better than this. God help me am just at rock bottom.

Oh totalfandango :( I'm sorry you're going through this.

I had horrendous anxiety with ds (dc1). I was convinced I would lose him, right up until I gave birth. I also had hyperemesis so I barely left the house.

I got pregnant with dd 3 years later - it wasn't fun but it was ok. I managed to get ds to nursery etc and 'carry on'. I was anxious but not as bad as last time, nothing like.

totalfandango you might have to wait 6 weeks for the sertraline to work - unless you were prescribed it before you opened this thread you should give it another couple of weeks. also the pregnancy hormones get better after 13 weeks.

can you take some time off work, get a relative to help with your DC, and just have no demands on you?

You won't have harmed the baby with anything the doctor has prescribed.

I do understand though, rock bottom is rock bottom. Have you read 'under the lemon tree' by mark rice-oxley? it's about depression. not about pregnancy - i think the antenatal depression book needs to be written by somebody - but it's a wise book that looks depression in the face and has sensible advice.

please come here and tell us about it if it helps

xxxxxxx

by 'it' i mean how you feel

I am deeply ashamed of myself for getting in this situation and blackly depressed. I am not scared of losing the baby I am scared of having it. I was insane to think I cd do this again. I am so lost. My closest friends say I wd regret not going through with.this but they dont understand the depths of my despair and how much I loathe pregnancy. I cant wait to get to 13 weeks to see if I will feel better I will need to make my decision on this now really. Soon it will be just me looking after my son on my own for a while for various reasons and I have no other support.

My doctor spoke to the psychiatrist I saw last time and led me to believe she had checked that the dose of sleeping pills I am on was ok. I am now told this is not the case and no one can reassure me about it.

oh totalfandango don't be ashamed. It sounds like you are very unwell - it could happen to anybody. I feel that strongly - i'm not feeling great myself i bloody hate being pregnant. I'm sitting here and I can't get down to work, i feel like my veins are seething with ... anger to be honest.

Can you discuss it with a psychiatrist? it might be worth spending some money to find one privately. Although ante-natal depression isn't talked about in the same way as other kinds of depression, there must be precedents for it. I can't honestly say I would support you to decide you couldn't go through with it. But at the same time I don't want to say I don't understand. I really hope you do find your way through this one way or the other and find happiness at the end.

Also re the sleeping pills has it been explicitly said they are dangerous to the unborn child? Sometimes doctors say you shouldnt take something just cause it hasn't been explicity proven in clinical trials that it is NOT dangerous. But that doesn't mean it IS dangerous. Doctors will say different things.

Rememember there are lots of us - antenatal mental health is I think a big undiscussed topic - no-one is talking about how being pregnant can make your mental health get worse. but there are lots of us who are affected.

xxx

That sounds a bit harsh - i mean I hope you can survive this 9 months. I understand that its a battle you might not be able to fight. I just really really hope you do and can.