Please Help Me - Im really struggling today

[Mynxie]

This is my first post, so bear with me. I went to the doctors yesterday as I have been getting everything out of all proportion and am in bits. She says I am suffering from anxiety and prescribed 7 x 2mg Diazepan to help me through the next few days. My main worry at the moment is over my son, who has just completed his 2 year foundation degree and is still waiting to hear if he has a place to do a BA top up at Uni. Today is the last day of waiting - if he doesnt hear today it will mean he hasnt got a place. He needed a merit and although he got a high pass, he missed this by a few marks. I am thinking we would have been told by now if he was successful. I cannot think what will become of him, he is very underconfident and will take it very badly I know. I cannot function even with the tablets - I have just taken a half of one as I cannot risk being too 'out' of it to be able to support him, but its not doing much for me at the moment. How do you cope with feeling so overwhelmed by something which I know is a setback, but in my rational moments I know is not the end of the world?

I'd take the full dose recommended by your gp. I was in a similar situation a while back and a short course of diazepam really helped as a short term help whilst ad's and councelling kicked in

As your ds is borderline on getting in it might take them a while. Does he have a plan incase he doesn't get in? A gap year, another course etc there's also clearing to wait for aswell

Don't look at it as a setback, look at it as an oppourtunity to reasses/change direction

Take him out to celebrate anyway ;)

Stay steady, deal with what you are presented with at the moment, if you can focus on the present, and not what may happen in the future.

You can't wholly manage your son's predicament, whatever it will be, but you can go out and do something nice whatever the result.

Stay focussed on the present, and stay in touch with your GP. If your son does struggle following the result, there will be places from whom he can get some orientation, advice and help if the difficulties are more substantial.

Thank you for replying so quickly. Another added pressure on me today is that my MIL (actually the mother of my husbands late wife) is coming to stay for 3 days later this afternoon and Im afraid I wont be able to cope if Im too 'drugged up'. But I will take the other half I think as I just dont know what to do with myself. I HATE feeling like this. I have my first counselling session booked for this evening and hope that will help me. His only plan at the moment is to meet with some of his UNI friends next week (he has no friends here) and there is a holiday planned for August with the same friends. I know he is safe and well, why cant I just focus on that and not on anything else? Its so ridiculous that I cant get my act together - for Gods sake, Im 59 and have had far worse than this to contend with in my life, but cant ever remember feeling this despair before.

It's ok to feel that way and getting help is really good.

If you are feeling that way the diazepam are going to make you feel a bit less despair and make things easier rather than drug you up. A few days on them does no harm, you get the drugged up feeling if you take too much or for too long. The gp would have given you a low to medium dose just to take the edge off the feelings.

It sounds like you have a lot on, don't be afraid to kip if you need it. Take things easy and ask your dh to help with mil

Thank you. I have now taken the full 2mg and what you say makes perfect sense.

When I saw the Dr yesterday, she made it very clear that it was a one off prescription, and that there would be no more after that. I have booked an appointment for another Dr for next Thurs as insurance in case I dont improve - I cannot believe that the way I am feeling at the moment is in any way a 'normal' response to what is happening in my life. It could be a trigger I guess - there is an awful lot of mental health issues within my family and I feel that maybe I am afraid I am going the same way.

My father was a psychopath, my sister has been sectioned several times and both she and my brother are depressives and alcoholics. Ive tried so hard to stay strong but its as if something has tipped me over the edge, and I'm very scared.

The tablets are beginning to kick in now and I am a lot calmer, Im just so glad I had the sense to ask for help when I needed it.

You are helping me a lot as well, its so good to have people who understand that I cant just pull myself together at the moment - if only I could!

Diazepam is great as a one off emergency to help you, longer term you'll have to consider other things like anxiety medicines or ad's which don't have the same side effects. There's lots of things available which can be talked through with your gp. Try to keep the same one so you don't have to repeat yourself. Diazepam long term does more damage than good

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, you are very strong to have got so far. I hope councelling helps you and don't be afraid to go back to gp's

with your background it's hardly surprising that you have lots of negative and fearful evaluations of you anxiety.

Anxiety is anxiety and that alone.

It does not mean your weak. It doesn't mean you have been tipped over the edge. It does not mean that you are ridiculous for feeling it. It doesn't mean that you'll be like your family.

Stay steady - focus on what is around you right now and be careful of your thoughts about your anxiety. Anxious feelings are bad enough, be easy with yourself about what they mean - they don't mean the catastrophe that you can at times think they mean.

Good advice from you both, again, many thanks. I will just see how it goes during the next week - just heard that he didnt get in, so the axe has fallen and so far the sky hasnt fallen in!

I think that now I know for sure I can perhaps deal with it better and hopefully grab a better perspective on things.

Im going to continue the tablets as the doctor said in the meantime.

So sorry he didn't get in, it is not the end of it though and he's done exceedingly hands out cake well to get as far as he has.

First thing he needs to do is contact his course providers and talk to them. They will have been through this a lot and will know what to do.

How are you feeling now?

To be honest absolutely rubbish! He is in his room licking his wounds (as he needs to do I know) I think he is planning to go down the job center later. I dont think he'll talk to anyone to do with the Uni - his course tutor told all 3 of them that were looking to continue their studies that they would be ok and get in - none of them have. He has no faith in the tutor anymore.

Ive tried to explain that it may be for the best and that things always work out in the end but he's in no mood to accept this at the moment.

Im trying to distract myself - just put a cake in the oven - and have already decided to take another tablet at 3pm (and not before) as the last one did help a lot but seems to have worn off now.

Maybe a hot bath will help! Im putting a lot of hope in the counselor later and am glad I have that in place.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, it means a lot to me

It's no problem, I've been on diazepam.

It's a good idea to find ways to relax, even if it doesn't feel like it, baths, walks, cake. Councelling will help but it might take a while and sometimes things can get worse before they get better.

If you have depression ad's are good, for anxiety beta blockers are very good, similar to diazepam but without the addiction.

I don't blame your ds for being angry, he could appeal/resit or chill for a bit.

You mentioned triggers before, can you think of any?

I think (and I appreciate Im not thinking straight at the moment!) that Ive been consciously fighting off mental illness all my life - Ive seen the devastation it causes and there has always been a bit of me that knows I may be susceptible to it myself. I have always been determined it wont 'get me' as well as my brother and sister if that makes sense, and my motto has always been 'Just get on with it'. My father was also bi-polar (manic -depressive as they used to call it in those days) as well as a psychopath. He was not a loving father, I was terrified of him and left home at 16 to get away. I was told by one of his psychiatrists that he knew what he was doing even though he was mentally ill and also that it was a hereditary disease. I cut all ties with him for the last 25 years or so of his life and didnt go to his funeral a couple of years ago (which I have never regretted by the way)

I wish my brain would accept the perfectly sensible things you are both telling me, hopefully in a day or two the fog will clear and I'll be back to my usual self again.

You will get there, I know what's like, you just have to keep holding on until something changes.

You have been through an awful lot, maybe it's the right time to start dealing with it all. It's normal to be feeling the way you are, anxiety is normal and doesn't mean you have mh illness. Everyone needs a helping hand sometimes. Take care of yourself, you are number now, you are getting help, which is a brilliant step. Your father sounds bloody awful and getting councelling will help to deal with it all.

The counselling was good and I think it is well worth pursuing. We talked about my background and he said that he is pretty sure he will be able to help me, though he has no idea how long it will take.

He also suggested I go back to the doctors and maybe get some help to see me through till things start changing. I'll see how it goes but have booked an appointment for next Thurs - I can always cancel it if I need to.

Thanks for getting me through today - tomorrows another day as they say.

That's good, councelling really worked for me. I'm glad it went well. I'm not going to say everything will be fixed in a few days, you have a fair amount of hurt/pain? to go through inregards to your father. Once you've worked through it you'll hopefully find your anxiety improves.

I'm won't be around tomorrow day time but I'll be thinking of you, don't be afraid to go back to the gp or phone the samaritans if you need, they will understand. Look after yourself and take things easy.

Hi Mynxie, how are things today?

Much better thank you. I managed to have a proper sleep last night and its made a real difference. I think maybe talking to the counselor wore me out - or maybe it was a relief to be able to have someone listen to my story and tell me that I could be helped. He was surprised at some of the stuff I was telling him about my childhood and now I can see that it was really horrific.When its the only thing you know, you just dont realise as a child that it really shouldnt be that way.

Im seeing him again next week, and will carry on for as long as it takes. In a funny way, maybe I needed this episode to make me sort myself out - its certainly about time!

Ive also been doing this program online called Moodgym which teaches you to 'Learn cognitive behaviour therapy skills for preventing and coping with depression' Its completely free and he's heard of it and said to carry on with it.

As I said, Im very new on here but this is the link

www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Have you seen it before?

Yes, I'm doing moodgym

Good for you being proactive and helping yourself, it can make a world of difference and shows you care enough about yourself to do everything you can do.

I know what you mean about it maybe being time to deal with things. In a funny way you may be at a really safe/stable point in your life where you can deal with it properly.

Councelling is tiring and I find I like to have a pamper/easy night afterwards so book a takeaway and dvd and don't do anything stressful.

I hope you realise what a help and support you have been to me - after all the bad press Mumsnet gets I half expected to be told to pull myself together and stop being so silly, but you have made me understand that there really are good people about who DO know that if it were as easy as that then of course I'd have already done it.

What you say about it being the right time for me is very true - its just a bit annoying that at a time when I really am happier than I ever been in so many ways, this comes back and bites me on the bum!

I will check in from time to time to let you know how I am getting on, and of course I wish you well in your own life too. Have a good weekend and know that you have made a big difference to someone who was in a very bad place a couple of days ago xxx

I'm glad I was some help, you've been the best help for yourself, I was just holding your hand for a while.

It is annoying that it's come up for you when you're in a good place but it means you can go on to a better place without the weight on you

I wouldn't believe "press" stuff, it's like schoolyard whispers. Mumsnet does have bunfights but is a very supportive place in general. I could tell you to pull your socks up but only if your socks are down

I'm glad you're doing well, keep strong x

Just an update as promised. Ive just been to my 3rd counselling session last night, and it really is helping. I still feel very anxious though, and am not sleeping well at all. Im now trying the Paul McKenna book and CD which the therapist says is very good - its easy to read and has strategies for 'emergency' use which I'm finding useful. When I wake in the night Im listening to hypnotherapy apps on my iphone and they do relax me I think - maybe because I usually falll asleep half way through and so am listening to them unconsciously for hours on end

Ive decided to take a Nytol tonight as Im hoping that a good nights peaceful (albeit drugged) sleep will help me get things back into proportion.

If there was an Olympic medal for worrying and negative thinking, Id be well on top of the table.

Hi, you'd be top of the table for strength and determination.

It's very proactive to be finding your own tools to help you with the hypnotherapy. One thing I found which helped for anxiety (I'm a childhood sexual abuse survivor) is "grounding" techniques, it involves things like just sitting and enjoying a or wrapping myself in a snuggle blanket.

It's good to get sleep even drugged as sleep deprivation can make things worse. Try to get a few nights a week.

You are doing really well.

Thank you - seems our background are sadly similar in some ways. I will certainly try your techniques (they sound lovely so it wont be hard) They're similar to an exercise my counselor taught me last night, where you sit and firstly be just be aware of the noises you can hear,then the feeling of the seat supporting you, then your breathing, then the clothes against your skin. If any unwanted thoughts intrude, you are just supposed to ignore them. Its supposed to be very calming and Im sure it is once you've mastered it - I was having trouble getting beyond the ticking clock!

Ive found looking upwards helps for some weird reason - maybe its to do with seeing the bigger picture? I am determined to have a good weekend - for DH's sake as much as mine - it must be very wearing living with me just at the moment. Hope you have a good one too, I'll keep in touch.