DH suggested I see someone about anger management or relaxation/calming techniques yesterday and I just brushed it off. But it's been playing on my mind today.
We headed out yesterday to a large out of town shopping centre. The plan was to get some lunch, buy the one thing we came for then leave. Well I got stuck in traffic leaving to motorway, queued all the way in beginning to fume slightly then absolutely lost it when we were directed to overflow car park 7. Not overflow 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 but bloody 7! I started shouting and swearing, I got very hot and very irrational. I wasn't shouting at DH but as he was the only other adult in the car (7mo DD in the back) I guess he saw it as me shouting at him. I wasn't cross with him, just massively pissed off with the whole situation. We ended up driving straight through the car park and back onto the motorway heading home.
The whole time I could feel myself being irrational and overreacting butbcouldntbstop myself. It took me a long time to calm down too. When DH suggested seeing someone I didn't even consider it but the more I've thought about it the more I've realised that I didn't used to be like that. I used to be really quite easy going. One of those 'well it's happened now so let's make the most of it' kind of people. Now I'm very impatient, short tempered and I snap at DH all the time. I think it started when I was pregnant and has just never gone away. Is this just normal for being a (fairly) new parent who is tired all the time? Or is DH right? Should I go and talk to someone about it? Yesterday is just a good example. There are lots of little things that wouldn't have botheredme before but now I react quickly and badly to. It's much worse when I'm hungry. I don't want to stay like this. If its just parenting tiredness then fine but I want DD to grow up with a happy mummy. She's only tiny now and sometimes I grit my teeth and kind of snap at her in frustration when he's whining. I just have no patience. I'd never hurt her but I don't want to shout and snap at her all the time either, or have her see me behaving like that around others and her daddy.