I think I may be a bit depressed

[BonDepart]

I've name changed. Please bear with me as I don't know if there's such a thing as 'a bit' depressed.
I've had a few major episodes of depression in the past. I know how that feels. This feels different. But I don't feel right.
I'm not enjoying anything. I've got no appetite for healthy food, just want to eat crap all the time mostly because it takes no preparation. I feel like there's no joy in anything. I'm worried all the time about everything. Today I just feel really sad and lonely.

I'm afraid to go to the GP in case they tell me there's nothing wrong but also because I don't want AD's again (if I can help it) and I don't want depression on my medical record again. I will go if I start to feel worse than I do now.

I've felt like this for ages. I live alone, work at home, rarely see anyone except my ex who I'm friends with. Never go out with friends. I've lost all my friends this past 10 years. I used to be happy and sociable. That was a long time ago though. I don't know if my problem is just because I'm quite isolated and life is a bit blah or if I am actually depressed to some degree.

Any thoughts? How can I make myself feel better?

I think you should definetly see someone because in some depressions I feel the same sort of living dead where everything seems pointless, no energy or intrest and no feeling. However I always think its mild, but my pychiatrist has said its worse than the stage where you are crying all the time and upset as the reason you are not feeling anything is because the depression is more severe and is affecting your energy levels also because you have moved beyond the moderate stage.

Please see someone honestly my pychiatrist gets more worried when I describe myself as feeling like you, I dont mean to worry you but please get help.

Why are you worrying about depressiom being on your medical records? Go to your Gp and get whatever helps you. I was on citalopram for 3 years and it was an enormous help.

You are very isolated. Could you join a gym or a class (cliched sorry).

Cocolepew I'm worried about it being on my records because I need to work. Employers ask the questions about health. Any employer will then know that this is a problem I've had on and off all of my adult life and it's likely to recur.
As for AD's Ive tried nearly all of them over the last 20+ years. I have horrible side effects with them all. Citalopram probably saved my life about 12 years ago when I didn't want to live anymore, but after it got me over that worst point, the side effects were intolerable.

Crawling. Thanks. What you wrote makes sense. I do actually feel less - ie more numb - than I've felt before. I'm not suicidal but I do feel like shit...

Yes I have often have depreressions and feel suicidal in the moderate stages then move past it to the numb thase but my ability to do things drops here as my energy levels drop. I am currently on seroxat and trazodone and the two work together so you can have lower doses and I get no side effects please try and speak to someone.

OP," I've felt like this for ages. I live alone, work at home, rarely see anyone except my ex who I'm friends with. Never go out with friends. I've lost all my friends this past 10 years. I used to be happy and sociable. That was a long time ago though. I don't know if my problem is just because I'm quite isolated and life is a bit blah or if I am actually depressed to some degree."

Sounds like you need someone to tell you to get out there and start living. Not sure what happened to make you feel this way but maybe you should put together a to-do diary. Taking small steps every day to come out of this. Maybe begin by joining a club? Do you get out much in this weather? exercise and sun are always good. Make a list of positive things you would like to do and start doing them.

Good luck. It is a difficult step.

Can employers ask to see your medical records ? I thought they were private.

I've never heard of an employer asking to see medical records. I thought they were private. I can understand in certain jobs, eg a pilot, that their medical records can be seen, but what else?

Employers can ask about medical history. Am I supposed to lie if I've had 3 months off with depression in a previous job? I worry about this stuff all the time.
Anyway can we not focus on that please, just for now. Maybe we can revisit that tomorrow or soemthing but I am looking for ways to feel better and I really want to avoid seeing my GP if I can.

To sum up my first post in one sentence it would be : "Is there anything I can do to lift myself out of this low mood I'm experiencing ?"

I think the suggestions to try to get out and meet more people are good ones.
I do have one friend who lives about 20 miles away. She works p/t and has two young DC so she is very busy, but I'm sure she'd be happy to listen and help. I just need to reach out to her.
I've never had a problem making friends or even keeping them, until about 10 years ago when a lot of things happened and I just fell apart.
So I need to try to make some more friends. I live in a rural area, not much going on here in the summer as everything is village hall based and it closes in line with school holidays, but a few activities will start up again in September.

I also meant to add, that I know this will sound pathetic but the weather really isn't helping at all. In my part of the country it really feels like it hasn't stopped raining since mid May.

Take time to go out for a walk. You're getting out of the house and getting exercise. Is there anywhere you could volunteer at, say a charity shop. It would only need to be an hour or so.

Have you got a pet?

I would advice exercise maybe a new exercize hobby which you can join a organised club (like horse riding or something which intrests you), which may raise your energy levels and get you meeting people and if its a new one will probably give you intellectual stimulation.

OP I too have these 'moods' (I am not trying to undermine your strength of feelings/diagnosis).
They tend to be more melancholic when I have not been out. or have not spoken to anyone for a while. The longer I leave reaching out, the worse the moods get until it all 'blows up' or becomes too over whelming.
A lot of this had to do with the weather for me. I kept a sunshine diary. I found that the days I did nothing and stayed in were the worst. So now, I make a point to do something positive and check myself every time I get into a rage/melancholic mood and think about what the underlying cause is (and whether is it a valid reaction or is due to the weather/not going out/not being able to get fresh air/air my thoughts). It is hard to do as you need to get into this habit.
Something like yoga may help you. Also, the deeper I got into these moods the harder it got to reach out. Again, it takes much more effort to entertain when you are feeling low but you dont want to share your mood with someone and 'bore' them.
Going out to places such as museums, libraries, helping out with charity may make you feel better too.
Can you find a walking partner? Walking (even in the rain with a raincoat on) helps...

Thanks everyone.
I think my two main priorities are to get some exercise (I'm fat on top of everything else) and try to meet some people.
I'm going to do a daily walk, even just starting with 20 minutes.
Not sure how to meet some more people will work on that.
Oh and when the hair salon opens at 9am I'm going to make an appointment for a cut and colour.

Silibilimii I thought about what you said in the post above and I always feel worse on Mondays. That's probably because I don't see anyone from Thursday afternoon to Monday evening. Weekends are horrendous I'm just on my own and tend to withdraw more.

I read your post with interest as it could have been written by me - 'work at home, rarely see anyone except my ex who I'm friends with. Never go out with friends. I've lost all my friends this past 10 years. I used to be happy and sociable. That was a long time ago though. I don't know if my problem is just because I'm quite isolated and life is a bit blah or if I am actually depressed to some degree."

I've also lost interest in hearing friends good news or what they have been up to. I still have fantastic friends but don't see them they are in a different city/country. I live with my husband who works late and doesn't have a huge 'family' friend network which frustrates me (I'm not British but he is).

I went to the GP and told him how I was feeling and he suggested that 'sounds like you should move'. I am now looking for a new GP.

I think my sadness is intensified before my period and think it may be PMDD. Hopefully the new GP can help.

PMDD - is anyone familiar with this?

BonDepart Please consider browsing the mind website or even phoning their legal helpline ( www.mind.org.uk/ ) for what information you must and don't have to disclose to future employers... I am by no means an expert, but treating you differently (e.g. by not hiring you) because of mental health issues (past or present) is illegal.

Would you have the energy to start a walking group, so that some of your daily walks are with other people?

Good luck, and enjoy your cut and colour!

Whizkid I've not heard of PMDD before but when i was a teen, I'd talk about suicide with a friend and know that my period would be here in 3-4 days... it stopped when I went on the pill. Interesting thought that there might be an official diagnosis for that sort of thing...

Drat! I forgot to tick the linky button!
www.mind.org.uk/