an odd sort of insomnia...can anyone help?

[fairyfriend]

When I'm in bed, I can sleep. But I don't go to bed. I know that sounds crazy- the answer is clearly 'go to bed then' but I don't. I can't. I have to try really hard to be in bed before 1. 12.30 is an achievement. I'm up at 6.30. This has been going on for months and it's killing me. I'm a walking zombie.

Is it all the crap you have to do to get up there putting you off?

Because I know I can stay up later than I plan to just because I can't be arsed to move

If it is maybe you could break the stuff down and do some of it before you get settled, or every time you get up to go to the loo do a couple of things?

I can empathise with this. For me, it is a mixture of enjoying the luxury of being awake but not having to do anything, as it is too late to do chores, but also a form of self-sabotage: I know it will make me feel bad the next day, but I don't seem to care. I find reminding myself of the latter rather than enjoying the former can help. It is a matter of self-discipline, and is similar, in my view to binging on junk food. It is enjoyable in the short term but no way to look after yourself.

I get where you are too - maybe you are having to ferry dc about, get in and do bedtime stuff then sort uniform / lunches / your own work etc and just don't stop till late - then feel cheated out of "me time" and insist on staying up just so you have a break (obv to mn in ) anywhere close?

Oh I have this problem (well, look at the time).

It's a mixture of things. the internet is pretty addictive. Going to bed is a reminder that I will have to wake up again tomorrow and do it all again. It's the end of the fun part of the day. My 'going to bed routine' is not really possible when living with someone else - you'd think I'd be used to it now after having been married 8 years but I'm not. And I think at least part of me is avoiding sex.

Any of that sound familiar?

Have you got any anxiety around your bed? Are you having nightmares or night terrors (maybe ask someone, it was DH who told me I was screaming in the night, I'd forgotten by morning)?
You might be unconsciously avoiding bed cos of that.

I think it's partly to do with everything I have to do before I can sleep. I have kids, so there's uniforms and book bags and stuff. And I'm a teacher, so my job is never 'finished'.
I find that I'm tired in the evenings, so I procrastinate for ages before doing my prep for tomorroow, and by the time I start it it's late. Even if I don't have anything urgent to do, there's always something to do. So I might stay up till 12 and then decide it's too late to mark that pile of books now, so I'll start on the uniforms and stuff, then I'll have a shower and a cup ot tea, then I'll think about the marking again, and maybe do the ones that are urgent, then I'll set the alarm for 6 so I can get up early and mark the books I didn't mark tonight. So I'll end up with 4 hours sleep.
The actual, practical answers are really obvious, I know that. I must sound crazy. But I'm just too...stressed? anxious?...to go to bed any earlier.

No wonder you're having trouble switching off doing all that before going up!

I would say to try and set aside an hour/half hour when you just watch something on the box and nothing else. You can only do so much, some thing will have to wait or you'll be making yourself ill.

If you're saying you have a shower and cup of tea at 12, that can't help either with them both being waking up things.

Could your DC start getting their own stuff ready for school, maybe make a list for them and start off with one or two things adding to them every week or so (after the holidays).

You're going to have to elbow yourself a bit of headspace into your routine

Ahh should have guessed you were a teacher earlier... goes with the territory, no?
Repeat mantra "only _ more get-ups" and during holiday make attempt to use those excellent organisational skills on sorting a timetable out for yourself?! I had to do it too, I kid you not. Uniform night is Sunday and then the children (even 2 in infants) have to let me know if they have the right number of shirts/trousers/skirts/socks whatever for the week. The youngest is actually best at it. The work thing, well it's the ridiculous end of the year with far too much to do (and even worse, the non-teachers sometimes think we're winding down for summer. Ha.) ride the current storm and try not to get too knackered. We need a "teachers anonymous" organisational thread in September (or if we're organised, make it August lol)

Thanks for all the replies, nice to see some people empathise at least!
Agentzigzag, you're right, I do have a lot to do, but I could do it earlier- or on the nights I don't end up doing it anyway, I could make that decision at 8 o'clock, you know? I just seem to stay up till stupid-o'clock on the off chance. And then do what others say- realise I haven't 'relaxed' yet, so I have my shower, tea and hour watching telly at a ridiculous time.
I do think it's an anxiety thing. The more stressed I am, the later I stay up. And then that's a vicious circle.