what's the secret to being happy in yourself?

[Primarnipetal]

Because I'm really struggling to be happy in myself, and always have done. I'm not sure why. In theory I do have a happy life. Great husband, fantastic kids,lovely home, but I just don't feel happy in myself like some people seem to feel.

I want to not care what people think of me, and just be me, and be happy within. Instead I often feel negative about things/people and see the worst in things.

What is the best way to do this? I honestly don't think I'm depressed btw, just never quite happy enough

I don't know the answer, I'm afraid, but I feel the same if that's any help. Will watch this thread with interest.

I'm glad I'm not alone Humphead, but at the same time I'm sorry to hear you feel the same way as I do.

It's difficult isn't it? I feel so negative about people, I swear it makes me alienate people. But then I am also a people pleaser and seem desperate for people to like me, almost to the point where I feel like an attention seeker at times

Hmm, well thats a difficult question to answer because it is so very very personal and individual.

For me, ad's changed my life.
I was only on them for about 12 months, but my goodness, they did the trick.

I am a busy person, i get a huge sense of achievement, satisfaction, pride and joy in my job. Its full on, challenging and i absolutely LOVE it. This makes me happy.

My boy, my husband, my lovely home, my caravan, my holidays, my garden, my little baby growing inside me makes me exstaticly happy. All of these things make me happy in myself.

So many things. I spose, you have to find your thing.

oooh now if we are talking about people....i avoid them. Work colleagues, socially i just dont do social, because i find it excrutiatingly uncomfortable and desperately hate hate HATE thinking about what people are thinking about me.

That makes me sad and depressed.

I'm the same in that I presume people are making critical judgements of me, even in a small in the street chat, I find interacting exhausting and obsess about what people really meant when they said something.

My awkwardness makes other people awkward, which I pick up on and get even more uncomfortable.

I felt better after accepting that that's the way I am and no amount of trying to like it (because it's what other people value and think you're weird if you don't) makes any difference.

I also try to accept that other people aren't going to think positive things about me all the time, I don't about them so why would it upset me when they think the same?

What does it matter what they think?? It doesn't!

I am optimistic in some things, like thinking of worst case scenarios and knowing I'm in a good place, but other things I go totally OTT.

Could you feeling a bit flat be a slight chemical imbalance?

Or do you think it might be something in your past that's given you these thought processes? Like my mum is really judgemental (of me and other people) and formal, in that I had to be highly in control of myself in public (no showing of emotions etc) and that made me think everyone else is the same.

I empathise Prim I really do. Do you have any time to help those less fortunate in your area? It's one way that's sure to raise your inner self esteem and levels of fulfilment.

I empathise with this. I obsess over and analyse every little thing and am overly self critical. I did have anti depressants but they made me exhausted, slightly numb and hungry.

Hi I don't think there is a "secret" as such I feel much the same as you and other posters and am now having person centred counselling which I found myself and pay for privately but it is really helping me try and change my outlook.

op,do you feel content.
I think most people feel happy sometimes,but can feel content most of the time.

For me, right partner after many years of wrong ones and always feeling discontented and ill at ease and guilty. Trashy, awful cliche but absolutely the case for me.

For other people, ADs, 'internal' things like learning different ways of thinking through therapy, or 'external' ones like a job or voluntary work or just something that gives you a sense of self you were looking for.

I suppose I believe that it is sometimes a really simple thing that flicks a happiness switch for people.

Watching this thread with interest.

Last time I felt truly content was aged 11. I remember the feeling and have never felt that way since.

I am very analytical, I scrutinise myself, I feel insecure yet superior, I am searching for the Holy Grail of happiness and falling short all the time. I spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about how I'm perceived and wanting to outwardly, at least, tick all the 'right' boxes in terms of career, house etc. I want a perfect life but am aware such a thing doesn't exist. I don't like compromise, but realise that any relationship requires it. I generally have a zero-sum approach to life, in terms of an 'all-or-nothing' attitude.

I appear to have inherited my mother's sense of superiority and entitlement with an introspective and analytical sense of unease from my father. Which isn't a good combination. My mother has gone through life leading a blessed existence, thinking she's wonderful and the best thing since sliced-bread. She has never been introspective and hence never has any feelings of self-doubt. I have skills that in theory make me 'superior', in terms of education, job, earning potential etc but to me, it's all irrelevant as I'm wholly unhappy and discontent.

Anti-depressants help, but there's a sense of me not liking myself YET in some ways feeling quite proud of my quirkiness. A complete dichotomy. I wish in so many ways I could be vacuous and shallow and not have such depth of feeling. I envy people with seemingly 'perfect' lives, or those without introspection. I am exhausted with it all and want to be normal.