DD is very disturbed as a result of multiple, and very close, bereavements at a young age. She is 12 now. Has done some self-harming, is very isolated at school - and at home really - has very little contact with people her age, but has many 'friends' who are elderly (surrogate gps) through the church.
When the last 2 people died she had just turned 10; she will be 13 in a few months and I believe her state of mind has deteriorated.
We were referred to CAMHS a couple of years ago through her primary school nurse who was very concerned about her. The first meeting was a crisis meeting, but actually the crisis was past. We had a second meeting where they took family history. This was completely derailed by dh crying for the whole time about his dad. As a result of this dh refused to have anything further to do with them, called them charlatans and quacks, and persuaded dd that they were not to be trusted, they were useless and that they would be no help. She has consequently refused to have anything to do with any counsellors.
When she went up secondary school I wrote a long letter explaining the history, as dd clearly was not 'over it' and may have required some additional support. They have been fantastic but are making no headway and dd now refuses to see the school counsellors too.
We had a letter from MASH as someone had contacted them recently about dd's state of mind, and though the letter they sent us said they had investigated and found no need for further action, when I rang them they suggested CAMHS again.
I have spoken to CAMHS, who sent me the referral form, and said they could just see me initially, in order to try to find a way to persuade dd to agree to see someone.
She has been self-harming.
She often says she is depressed and that suicide is attractive, though I am sure she has no intention of actually doing it.
She has chosen a belief system which is a bit 'out there' and loses no opportunity to tell people about it (a bit like a fundamentalist Christian might). The school counsellor and the Head of year have told her to stop as it has an effect on the other pupils. Also it isolates her further.
She has some sort of problem with her hip/leg, but nothing can be found. The consultant said this is not that unusual and children generally grow out of it.
I know that when she finds I have referred her she will see it as the biggest act of betrayal possible.
What I need help with is how to fill in this blasted form. There is a tiny space - I'll get about 3 lines in. I though I'd attach a copy of the letter I sent to the school too, but things have moved on a lot since then.
This is particularly hard as I know dh is absolutely against it. Won't help, won't support, may actively work against it. He won't discuss it, except to say that they are stupid and don't understand the cause because they are too busy ticking their boxes and trying to shove us in with all 'those type of people' ie, DV and other types of abuse. He says we should trust dd when she says she can deal with it herself, but it seems to me that inside she's screaming.
I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing.