Self-harming

[MrsAlbion]

Hello

I'm a regular who has name-changed for this, as I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you the truth.

I've been having a bit of a rough time recently, with myself. I've been trying very hard to improve/change my career and also to improve the way I look. Despite my hard work, nothing's really working out and I feel like an enormous failure. I really don't like myself very much and feel like I've let everyone down.

This weekend, I burned myself. Nothing massive, I just held a teaspoon in my tea and then pressed it on my arm. It left a little mark. It felt quite good. Like I deserved it. And later, I was cutting up veg and I jabbed the knife into my arm. Again it left a tiny mark - nothing anyone would notice/ comment on.

When I was a teenager I had an eating disorder and sometimes pulled my hair out, but that was more than 20 years ago and I've never done anything like that since. I'm not sure where it came from and it scared me a little bit. I don't really know what to do about it.

I wondered if anyone has any experience of this and/or any advice?

I don't have any advice as have never self harmed but it sounds like you are 'testing the water' to see how much pain you can tolerate/and to see what kind of release it gives you. I think you need to talk to somebody asap. Changing your career and trying to change the way you look are not easy you shouldn't beat yourself up for not achieving results.

MIND have some good info on self-harm www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/self-harm#help

you should perhaps go to your GP and see if you can access some kind of counselling or CBT therapy. ITs easy for me to say this but don't be too hard on yourself!!!

I self harm. I suppose this is easier said than done but stopping now is easier than stopping later, I wish wish wish I had not discovered SI. It just trashes you.

What do you think you want from the self harm? Do you want to communicate your distress or to calm yourself down or to block out bad feelings? Thinking about your motivation can help you to find alternatives.

I think going to your GP would be a good step, medication and talking therapy could really help you. I sometimes find making myself wait to SI can help, so if you think about burning yourself make yourself wait an hour - you can still do it if you want to but you may find you don't actually want to by that point. Delaying and distracting are not long term solutions but they can be practical day to day ones. For example I no longer drink hot drinks because I was burning myself with them, I just took the option away. Watching TV, doing busy work (cross stitch), going out, ringing someone, internetting can all be useful distraction techniques.

I don't want to scare you, but you do not want to be me, I am in constant pain, I have lost my career, I have very badly scarred legs and have nerve damage - all as a result of self harm that started with very small prods and pokes.

I self-harm and agree with the above poster that it will be easier to stop now than years down the line. I actually believe I'm addicted to it now. I think you need to speak to a doctor asap. I started out small, just scratching/burning/etc, and I soon moved on to some serious deep cuts. I actually looked forward to experimenting with different blades :-( I have scars scattered over my body, and my arms especially are a big white mess of scars, which is difficult to explain to my daughter. They also glow up under (I think it is) UV lights. Please get help soon! Good luck!

Im also a self harmer, i did this about 8yrs and stopped but sadly now ive started it again, ive gone from doing it daily though to perhaps once a wk, i seem tojust pick up something sharp when i feel like doing it and just do it without thinking it.My poor cat gets the blame though ppl are becoming less beliving of my stories, esp in env where i work(dont wana say to much or ill out myself)i too find it very hard to stop.

My advice would also be to stop before it starts.

It isn't big or clever or funny or a game or a nice easy way to get a bit of sympathy.

From a medical point of view,I agree with philnteds that you need to see a GP.
Apart from that,from the little I know about self harming,there is an underlying reason that causes it,or more than 1 reason.
Is it about your career,and the way you look,or is the underlying reason something else,that probably started when you were a lot younger.