AM I DEPRESSED?? (LONG-REALLY SORRY, BUT PLEASE HELP!!)

[amy2310]

I dont quite know how to say all this so I will just write it and hope that iot makes some sort of sense!!

I suffered from PND when my dd was 6months old and took anti-depressants for about 5months and seemed to be fine after with a lot of help and regular check ups although when I admitted I needed help it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I put the PND down to my husband being in the Navy and he went away for 8 months when dd was only 16 weeks and had only spent 1 month on and off with us previous to that!! Anyway...... my dd is 2 now and is hyper-active and I know I love her but I find myself being so happy when she is with some one else ie my mum or her dad! I would never hurt her but I find myself shouting at her through the day everyday when she does wrong not for no reason at all. When she wakes me up in the morning and I hear her want to get up I feel like crying because I feel as I cant cope. I dont know if I can have PND twice or if I never recovered properly or even if you can have it when your child is 2 but now I just dont know what to do. I just feel like I am on a hill and never being able to get past a certain stage and slipping down and down furthur!! I dont want to go back on to medication but I cant admit to any1 that I am feeling like this. What kind of mother does that make me not being able to cope and already having help once!! I dont know if the drs ger social services involved if I tell them all this esp the shouting part. She doesn't get hit but the shouting is constant pretty much any way! Please help!! What is wrong with me??

Well i had PND after my ds (3). It took a few drs to diagnose it, stuck me on tablets which i hated, then i saw a therapist who really helped me. Not on tabs for a year now.
Have seen a psychologist a couple of weeks ago as am pg and dr says yes you can get it again and more likely to. I didn't tell drs about the shouting etc but i told the therapist. She taught me new ways to deal with things.
Have you told your dh how you feel?

No I cant face it!! I dont want to tell him and have him worry how I am or how Im coping when he's away plus I dont Know if this is PND again!! Or I might do but not wanting to admit it to my self!!!!

Maybe see your dr and see if he can refer you to a good therapist? Might help. Or try and get some time out for yourself and go out with friends for a meal. The key for me was learning to relax.

:)

Hi amy, I'm really sorry to hear you have been having such a bad time hun.

I had PON after both my children. It does sound to me as though you are depressed. I remember very well that feeling of dread when you hear your child wake up in the morning. I use to spend all afternoon just lying on the couch, i would keep an eye on my children but i would have very little interaction with them. I would see to their physical needs such as food, nappy changes etc but i felt very emotionally detached from them. whenever anybody would take them out for the day such as my parents i was always so relieved, i would often just get in bed and cry myself to sleep and would still be there when they got back. I too use to scream and shout a lot. I'm ashamed to say i would get right up to their faces when i did it, it still makes me feel really bad now. Once when i was really bad i remember lying on the kitchen floor begging my then husband not to go to work, it sounds pathetic but i was desperate. I also remeber times when i would walk around the streets with the pram just to get out of the house and quietly sobbing to myself

i got antidepressants from the doctor and slowly started to get better but it took a very long time. My children are now 5 and 7 and from what i can see my depression has done them no halm at all. I am now a single parent and the three of us couldn't be closer, they are both happy, clever, sociable children and i couldn't be prouder of the way they are turning out.

i know at the moment you must feel that you will always feel the way you do but i promise you things will get better. You really do need to seek medical help though sweetheart, nobody is going to call social services, you are not a bad mother, you are suffering from an illness that needs treating. Its not your fault and believe me your daughter will be ok. The fact that you have expressed concerns on here about what you are doing shows that you a good mummy who cares about her child.

Keep talking about how you are feeling and remember you are not alone

Lots of love, julie xxxx

that first line should say PND not PON!!!!

hello, this is my first time to this site and i came here looking for help also. i know how you are feeling amy, only difference is that my child is now 5 years old and i have been feeling like yours and jco's description for a few months now. i have never suffered from PND before, not even when she was born, but now i just feel like theres nothing there for me any more. she is always telling me she loves me and i just cant seem to feel the same for her. we get up, i get her breakfast send her to school then when she comes home i send her to play in her room because i just dont feel like theres anything.... i dont know how to explain it. i feel like a terrible person and i dont know what to do. can i get PND now she is 5 or am i just horrible?

Hi

I suffered from really bad depression several years ago and was actualy admitted to hospital I was recommended to take my medication for at least 18 months before even attempting to come off them. So perhaps 5 months wasn't enough. Taking AD is not a sign of weakness. If you had high blood pressure you wouldn't think twice about taking the medication. Please tell someone close to you and go see your GP at a time like this you need all the support you can get and if you don't shout out no one will know how you are feeling.

I know at the moment you probably think everything is black and there is no hope but I promise you with the right help you will get over this.

Hi amy2310. It sounds like you are still a bit depressed. Do you libe in MQs near your Dh's base or are you in your own house?
You probably feel like things are always going to be like this, but it will get better. it is difficult when the Dh's are away, i know, mine is away at the minute and i'm struggling he's only been gone three weeks as well.
I had PND really badly with my second Ds, and there are days now when i feel like its come back.
No one is going to take your child away from you, the fact that you know something's not right is a start.It does not make you a bad mother in any way