How do you not alienate your friends when you're going through a bad patch?

[Arana]

My (lovely, kindhearted) friends keep on inviting me round, and out for meals/drinks.

This is great, but I really am NOT in the mood for socialising. The last three times have ended up being a bit of a disaster. The first time I was sullen and moody, the second time I couldn't handle it (there were other people there I didn't know, everyone was being fake nice and I couldn't handle it) so made an excuse to leave early. The last time was a family do and me and DH had an argument (due to me being a control freak) and the whole atmosphere was spoiled.

They've invited me round for a thermomix demo (my friend's just become a demonstrator - this is her first demo, so it will just be her and two other friends). I'm just totally not in the mood for it tonight. I'm knackered after work/kids, I've just had some really painful physio and all I want to do is collapse on the sofa and feel sorry for myself.

What do I do? I don't want to upset them / alienate them. They know I'm going through a tough time, and this is their way of trying to help. The last three times I've gone on the hope that I'll end up enjoying it, and I just haven't.

Hi Arana, have you tried maybe speaking to those friends who are the closest to you and explain how you're feeling? Those that are good friends, will understand that you're having a tough time and will understand that it is effecting social get-togethers.

I went through something similar earlier this year. We had a lot of illness in the household, constant bugs, colds, infections and due to my vomiting phobia, I virtually became a recluse, not wanting to bring other germs into the house. Then if it was not us being ill, friends and their families were then ill. So all in all, it was probably 3 months before I felt like socialising properly again.

One friend thought that she'd done something to upset me, but the others seemed to understand and more or less, we are now back to socialising as normal.

I think the only way forward is to talk to them and explain, the onus is then on them to understand and try and make this period as stress-free as possible for you.

I hope you feel better soon.