Could this be PND?

[inbetweenergal]

DS is 2yrs and 3months. DD is 6 months. From the moment she was born I have felt distanced from DS. Its like he's a completely different child to the one he was when I left for the hospital in labour. I feel sooo guilty for his and would give anything to recreate those emotions for him but they seem to have gone.
I loe DD very much, but feel guilty towards her as I don't think I'm feeling the same powerful emotions about her as i did about ds. TBH I feel a bit numb.

I've told dh - not easy but he was very understanding almost to the point of dismissive.

We moved 300 miles from our friends and family 2 months before dd arrival and in the 8 months we've been here I've made no friends. I've tried toddler and baby groups, I've even knocked on beighbours doors and invited them round. Nothing works. DS is quite a challenging toddler - screams if things dont go his way and i find this extremely hard to deal with in public situations. I feel like all the other mums are looking down there noses at me as i try to control ds with dd in arms too.

DH has gone away for a few nights for work and I'm now sitting here thinking how alone i am without him.

Sounds like you're having a rough time. Do you feel up to visiting your GP or ringing your HV? It might be PND or there might be something else going on - thyroid stuff for example. Best to get checked out sooner rather than later.

I'm sure the other mums aren't really looking down their noses, it's easy to feel that way when your child is playing up though! Are there any classes you could take your DS to - sometimes it's easier to connect to other mums in a more structured situation. Or your HV might be able to suggest some activities? I know our HVs run things that are invite only for mums that they think would benefit from them.

You deserve support, asking for help is help is hard but you can do it. Good luck.

Thanks for replying lady

I tried a music lesson type group but it was even worse. My Ds wondering round whilst all the rest sat nicely in their circle.

I dont trust hv or gps. My mum was sectioned at 16 and has had everything put down to mental illness since.

I have an underactive thyroid and am on150mcg a day. May be i could ask for my levels to be checked.

I just want to 'love' my son the way i did. I feel such a horrible person.

You aren't horrible. You can't help how you feel. I don't blame you for being suspicious of HCPs but there are lots of good ones. You could go to your GP to get your levels checked and say it's because you haven't been feeling great, and see where the conversation goes?

I believe there are organisations which run confidential helplines for people concerned about PND, would that be an option? I don't have links - am one handed while feeding!

It maybe, I had pnd after ds. When he was 18mnths we moved 300 miles too. It takes at least a year to make friends and two to feel settled. I think this in itself is stressful and can get you down aside from newborn and demanding toddler.

I'm not saying you havnt got pnd but please try to acknowledge just how much change you've been through its a lot to do in one year.

I would persevere with going to groups try different ones. Try to get out most days even for little periods let ds burn off some energy. I have a dd 4 months now and feel guilty about how sometimes I cannot but help having to feed her and ds has to wait. I just can't do as much with him anymore.

Re behaviour don't worry, if they can see you doing something consequences time outs last chances etc then that's fine IMO its when you see behaviour going unchecked.

I must impress upon you to go to gps ask if they have a mental health nurse you see and HV. I used self help strategies. All I can say for sure is if you have pnd view it as an illness don't think it's you, brains get poorly too and you will get better.