i dont have any friends.. and its horrible!

[Bubbless]

hiya, brief history required for this one!
ive been diagnosed as being depressed since i was 15 (am now 20)
my mum was taken very seriously ill at the time and is now disabled
i spent a lot of my 15/16/17/18 year old life being very worried about her and in parts a full time carer for her, so lost 'regular contact' with a lot of my friends as i wasnt going out/ at school very often etc

im now pregnant and expecting my first DC with my supportive DP who i now live with, but i still lead a very different life to to the rest of my 'friends'
the majority are at uni, none have children / plan on having children anytime soon and its always me pushing to see them
i have to invite myself out for their birthdays etc (its only to clubs and stuff so its not like im 'intruding' on space etc)

it just feels horrible for them not to have invited me / thought about me in the first place?
ive had hyperemesis during my pregnancy (and still do and will for the rest of my life..) and not one of them has ever text / fb'ed / emailed or anything to see how i am.....

i dont really know where to go from here, how do i make new friends / re-connect with my old friends? :(

can i just add- that i also contact all of them regularly to see how they are / what they are doing etc, but rarely get any replies, and if i do its all very non commital

'might be going out sat' but when i text on saturday to ask what the plan is im ignored..

I think it might be time to make some new friends who have more in common woth you and the life you lead now. When you have your baby it's quite eaasy eo eet other people just like you with a new baby. Sadly, I think no matter how much you like your old friends, it's going to be very hard for a mother of a small abbay to maintain equal friendshis with 20 yr olds at uni.

quite easy to meet other people with small babies

where do you meet these 'new baby people?!?!'

im open to making new friends, there just seems to be a very small group of people in my situation!!

I think, although its hard, you may be better off making new friends. Joining an NCT group.can help, or a local social group ( though facebook or meet ups)

I'm going through something similar, and its really hard I know. Big hugs xx

Sorry you're feeling a bit low OP. Sounds like those friends aren't really worth your time at the moment. You're probably a lot more mature than them at the moment due to your circumstances over the last few years. I've been through periods in my life when my friends were being pretty hopeless - it can be lonely but, trust me, you will meet new people and you might even reconnect with your old friends in 15 years time.

I suggest you join NCT and do an ante-course. You'll meet a small group of people who are all in the same boat as you and hopefully all live close by. And when your baby arrives, try and do some of the activities offered by the various children's centres where you see the HVs even if they don't sound that fun now - baby yoga etc.

Good luck op, it'll work out x

Friends come and go- I joined one of these "GROUPS" to find if you went to the group you saw them but not otherwise
A good friend is a great thing but hard to find though not impossible the thing is where to start?

My best friend just appeared via a workmate one year. Love her to bits but friends come and go as I said ...

when pregnant join the local nct group

I promise you the hypremesis will not last forever. I had it too and the second the baby comes out it will disappear and you will feel a million times better physically and mentally. It really brings you down and you have a lot on your plate anyway. Once you are feeling better try lots of the mother and baby groups: Nct, ask health visitor for local groups; going to park for the walking with pram groups etc etc. I guarantee you will meet some lovely people the more you do and you will feel better but don't underestimate just how much hypremesis brings you down and just concentrate on getting through it day by day.I send you lots of hugs

Congratulations, a lovely baby on it's way. Good suggestions re meeting people with more in common. Wanted to add that in our area the HV run a group for young mums, might be worth asking if something similar around. Also I never did but a lot of people do buggy fit classes, where they all run around the park pushing the babies. Many people have said it is great, and the exercise and sunlight will help the depression. Think about talking to your community midwife about previous low moods so they can give you the support you need.

this all sounds really good- thanks guys!
i cant really afford to join the NCT thing, very expensive (to me!) at the mo seeing as im not working :(
going to try and book my antenatal classes soon and hopefully make some acquaintances there; i suppose one step at a time!

thank you all for being so supportive- its hard to talk to anyone in RL about it because i get so upset at how pathetic i sound!!

Congratulations indeed :)

Once your lovely baby arrives there are plenty of free events too... for example, most libraries offer 'singing and toy' sessions which can be a chance to meet other mothers who live locally to you.

By the time your little one arrives I have a feeling you'll no longer be interested in what these 'friends' are doing. Children gives life an entirely different perspective and from my experience, this is for the better!

Also check out your local sure start centre to see whst groups they have

You don't sound sad and pathetic at all.
Do you know if you have a Sure Start Center near you? They offer a lot of Baby groups, etc. for once your little one is there and usually groups are free of charge or just want a real small amount. Centers vary in what they offer, but often they offer things like Baby massage groups, Breastfeeding support groups and Mums and Tots, etc.
Your midwife should be able to give you advice in regards of NHS run Antenatal classes and she might even can advise you if there is any mums-to-be social groups in your area.
Oh and congrats on your pregnancy.

Try and join the nct group. it may seem expensive but getting mentally ill will be more expensive and nct group will really help. it is a good investment. also ask health visitor about local young mum antenatal groups. Once the baby has arrived you will see there are lots and lots of groups and people to meet- the challenge will be getting out to meet them!

There will often be playgroups and other sessions at Surestart centres. Perhaps even baby groups related to something you are already interested in; I enjoy yoga and took DS1 to a mum and baby yoga class. The other mums were also interested in yoga so we already had something in common. At worst (and my NCT experience the worst I know) the NCT group will give you a bridge, a sort of moral support group for the early months. For most people, there will be friendships that endure. I didn't really fit with the rest of the women in my group but made friends elsewhere through my first child that I'm still friends with now. For all the other people I know their ante natal groups were a much more positive experience than mine.

One of my mum's best friends is someone she was in the bed across from in the hospital when she had me! (Although back then she was in hospital for about a fortnight so the friendship sure had a while to grow!)

Children can change the dynamic of any existing friendship, for better or for worse. It sounds as though you might be moving on from your old friends as well as them from you?

Local sure start/ children's centres here do bump and baby groups which are for expecting mums and new mums. Might be worth a look?

I did pregnancy yoga and did chat a bit with the other mums but didn't really make friends. Antenatal was the same as the classes were busy although I've made friends with some of the mums since as we've met up at baby groups. I have made lots of friends though through baby massage and music group and there are loads of lovely people, it can be done!

I have had friends for years who are in their early thirties who don't have kids and have avoided me through pregnancy and now I've had my Ds. I had it out with one and it's a lot better but I decided I couldnt be arsed with people who can't be arsed with me. it's very liberating!

I really hope you can find some like minded people. I found my midwife to not be helpful so maybe google your local children's centres and speak to them directly to find out what they do.

Best wishes :)