Is this a stupid idea?

[Returntowork]

In counselling we have been discussing events that may have triggeree/ reunforced my self loathing. I am also struggling with the guilt of getting flamed from both sides regarding too much/too little mat leave.

I have been bottling a lot up and feel like I may exolode so tonight decided to start a personal diary to get some thoughts in order and let some of the pressure out.

DH is quite angry with me because it's stupid as I'm supposed to be an intellegent woman not stupid kid.

It's an excellent idea, so is having counselling if your DH thinks you're a stupid kid - good luck with both.

He thinks I should just forget the incidents but I don't find it that easy.. They still cause nightmares.

My father kept a personal diary for 30 years. He is a published author, not a stupid kid.

I hope the counselling brings you the clarity you need with regards your H.

Ask him why it matters that you want to keep a diary? Ask him if it will hurt him? Ask him why he seems threatened by you feeling better about things?

Crikey! You sound like you are married to a genius! Just think of all those psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors wasting their time when all they would have to do is tell people to 'just forget' the things that are causing anxiety.

Writing things down makes you feel better.

Why do you think so many people start threads on MN about stuff thye just need to get off their chest, to write down and start to rationalise.

I think diaries are a great way to sort through your thoughts and feelings about significant events. Perhaps your first entry could be about your DH being so unsupportive? It's not silly to work through things, it's brave.

I've been keeping a journal since end of last year on advise of DC well she said write any memories down. But my counseller suggested I write every day when I said I'd stopped as it was all negative some days are mundane others quite bad low days, I can also see in black and white how far I've come since the nightmare began.

It's a great idea. I am a big fan of writing dairies.

Hope you've managed to start the diary, or journal, and decided on a safe place to keep it. I kept one for years, and it was a really useful place to see how my life was changing, as well as a safe place to be honest.

Agree wholeheartedly with all posters..........especially thistledew - I don't know what issues are being discussed obviously but it sounds as though hurts from the past are surfacing, which is what will happen if the counsellor is doing a good job in enabling you to talk about whatever it is, that may have been buried. These buried traumas need to come out and see the light of day and they then begin to lose their power over you......but there is no quick fix....it is a journey that can take some time,

As for your H - I think it is an insult to tell you to "just forget" whatever it is (and I can have a good guess) and he has no emotional intelligence at all from the sound of his insensitive comments. He is by no means alone, as so many men are unable to accept or understand emotions in another. Intelligence has nothing to do with our psychological distress, and if there is a "stupid kid" in the realtionship I don't think it's you!!

Show him this page, and write your diary. I find it helps so much just to get something distressing out of my head onto paper.

There's been some discussion about the whole working-mothers-having-it-all in the press recently.

I read this (bit length article) and found it very interesting.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

To skip to the point - women can't have it all, and by pretending they can, are causing all manner of emotional rollercoasters / guilt trips / self loathing issues.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

On a separate, personal note, I am at work full time.

I couldn't handle looking after my children full time, and I knew that by trying to compromise and being a part time WOHM and SAHM I would only end up self destructing even faster.

If DH is angry, why don't you suggest (as I'm sure you already have) that he take a career break to raise your family.

Go for it. Sorry you've had a hard time.