Bad to worse

[BellaBoo85]

Really struggling here. Been back at work for 2 weeks after a year off (maternity)
Thought it would be good for me but feel like I've taken ten steps back.
Constantly crying, at home, work, walking down the street. Completely broke down this morning cos I forgot to put a spoon in dd's packed lunch.
Got such a short fuse, getting angry over the smallest thing, no patience whatsoever.
Headaches.
Not just tired anymore, I'm absolutely
shattered.
Can't shake off the guilt.

People are starting to notice. I'm finding it too hard to hide.

Sorry, didn't know who to turn to.

Can you make it through the weekend? If so, call your gp on mon.

I need to crash, but wanted to answer and not leave you hanging overnight (in case there are no night owls tonight )

Yes.
I don't know what he can do though. I can't not go to work.
I just thought it'd be good for me being back, instead it feels like something else I'm failing at.

Would a phased return work? It's a lot to deal with - new baby and going back after a whole year off. Could you do it in bits?

Frankly, you sounds like you might be depressed (I'm not going to go diagnosing you on the internet, however!) Your GP could offer medicine, maybe sign you off, maybe offer a phased return like bananacrepe suggests, or councelling to help you work out strategies for dealing with the stressors in your life (which might be the best intervention for you, I dunno). Also, your health visitor (if you've got one of the good ones) might be able to at least listen to you, if not offer suggestions on how to balance things better for you.

It's interesting that you say "something else I'm failing at"-- what else do you think you're not doing to the best of your ability?

Thanks for your replies.
I'm only working part time so not doing any long days really. I don't know how good work would be with me doing a phased return. They're not particularly brilliant and feel completely intimidated by my manager. It's just not like me.

I'm already on ad's. And I'm having cbt (which is about to finish because everything's been covered)

Things seemed to be ok for a little while but the last couple of weeks have knocked me for six. I can't put into words what I want to say.

I feel like I've failed at a lot of things lately. Mainly my ability to be an ok kind of person. To be able to do things without having to think about it. To be the best mum that I can. Even the fact that I cannot spend time on my own without the horrible thoughts I'm having.

I can't talk about this to anyone. I completely clam up because I'm permanently close to tears.
And if I break down in front of someone it just confirms how bad things have got