to be totally fed up with battling depression

[onemorebite]

I am just tired of trying to be in this constant battle against being depressed. I have been like this for most of my life and I am sick of it. I had a period in my thirties when after a lot of counselling I managed to find ways to fight it - but I am succumbing again. I am especially battling at the moment with my feelings around an abortion I had a long time ago.

Do I just give up and try medication? I don't really want to do that as I think they can be very addictive (have seen family members on this).

Sometimes I am just fed up trying to keep up the facade (in happy relationship, two lovely children, moderately successful career,). I just want to get in the car and drive a very, very long way away - and perhaps not come back. if my kids weren't so little I probably would just go.

Thanks for reading :)

That sounds really tough, I don't really know what to advise but didn't want you to go to bed with no responses (though I ought to head up myself soon).

Are you getting help through your GP, maybe you could ask if there's someone you could talk to about the abortion - if it helps, I had one years ago and it hung over me like a cloud pretty much till DS1 was born, when I felt I could put all my efforts into raising him and DS2 the best I can to make up for it.

Does your depression tend to pass, will it get better in a day or two? If you're thinking of going onto medication, have a chat with your GP, they should be able to answer any questions you have over getting hooked, etc. For what it's worth, I know people who have really benefitted from meds and then come off them later on.

Hope you feel better soon.

The are new meds on the mark that are not additive. You will still need to be wheened off but the normal and part of the recovery process. I was much the same as you. I don't need them but when therapy on it's own did work I was put on citalipram it took about 3 weeks to get into my system and it was like someone had switched a light on. In total I took it for two years but I know people that have taken it for a little as 6 months. Think about it you feel like leaving your kids and partner over this it got to be worth a shot.
Be strong. hugs

Thanks Jammy and Nonio

I did speak to my GP after I had DD2 last year and I thought I was verging on PND. She was sympathetic but I don't think she really took it seriously. I am very good at putting on a cheerful face so most people don't even realise I am depressed. Even some of my closest friends.There is a self-referral system here for counselling but there is no time I could go - I am either with the kids or at work during the week - and even if I could it is limited to 6 sessions. I know from experience I'd need more than that!

The depression does come and go. Lack of sleep really doesn't help and although DD2 is a good sleeper she still gets up at least once a night and I usually woken by 5 - so my coping mechanisms aren't really working.

It has been a particularly tough couple of years, my mother died, we moved to a different part of the country, I had to go back to work soon after DC2 arrived. I also found out that DP had a load of debt he had lied to me about. He is sorting it out now - but I think I am still angry at him about this. it has led to all sorts of problems. He is now likely to lose his job (through no fault of his) so there is financial pressure mounting again as well. He is applying for loads of jobs and he is quite talented so should get one - but we have been through all this before.

I feel that just for once, I would like someone else to take responsibility for stuff. I don't really want to have to deal with it all. Added to which I am so sad about the abortion. I probably really do need counselling for it but I can't see how I would find the time to do.

Sorry, really off loading now!

omb- that is a huge amount of stress to be coping with. I think you should give anti-depressants a go. They are not addictive and can make a huge,huge difference, but remember they take a few weeks to start working and you can get some slightly odd sensations to start with - but it is definitely worth trying. Talk to your doctor and trust their advice.
Hope you begin to see the light again soon, depression is such a soul destroying condition but it IS treatable.

Off loading is good parking it for a moment. I would say your plate is full go and see your doctor and this time take off your brave face the only person you are hurting is you. I know it will be incredibly hard to find the time but you need to invest a little time in yourself so you enjoy your live again. Six sessions is not alot but it's better than nothing. X