Is there an help with childcare for Mum's suffering from Mental Health problems?

[Grimmer]

hi, ( I hope I'm doing this right, I'm new to it all so forgive me if not).

I have 2 boys, one nearly 6 and the other close to 3. I have suffered from extreme mental health problems since the age of 14 ( I am now 33 ). I have a fantastic husband. I am struggling really badly with my demons at the moment and am also struggling with my (almost) 3 year old. I do not know who/where to turn to.

My Gp has been a complete let down and just wants to pump me full of various drugs, and obviously I am petrified to say how much I am struggling as a Mum as there is the fear they may start thinking I shouldn't be allowed to look after my children.

I don't want my son to go to full time nursery, but would like someone to work alongside me to help out, but I'm not sure where to find that someone? Would it be an au pair? I would like him to go to nursery part time in September but am struggling to get him in anywhere. Are there any places set aside for children from mentally ill parents?

My son's behaviour is exhausting, I'm sure it is nothing out of the ordinairy but on top of my problems I just can't cope and have no idea any more how to deal with him.

Aaaarrrgggghhhhh! That's how it feels. I feel so alone and pretty desperate.

Homestart are very good. Your dc have to be under the age of five though to qualify and there is quite often a waiting list. You can refer yourself or your hv can. Some homestart run a creche too but not all. Mine does which I love as I get a few hours a week to rest and I do have a volunteer who helps sometimes.

Sometimes you can get funded place at a nursery or a child minder but this does depend on your area and its usually a short term thing. Your hv should be able to find this out for you. Im just coming to the end of mine. Dd Aged 2 has had a place at a nursery one day a week for a few months so I get some respite and its been a godsend really.

Take care, hope you feel better soon x

My dd had a funded place at a private nursery I meant, not school nursery in case anyone's confused!

Hi grimmer - I think there are some good suggestions e.g. Homestart, and you could ask your HV if she knows of anyone else. If you can afford to pay you could get someone to come and "work alongside you" but I think you would need to be more specific about exactly what it is you want from the person and I think a lot would depend on whether you got along with this other person, a more mature mom or even grandmother might be best.

I don't think there are any places set aside for children who have a parent who is mentally ill. There should be of course but I don't think there are.

Please don't worry that your GP is going to think you can't care for your children and that social services are going to be knocking on your door. I am a retired social worker and spect 30 years of my working life in childrens services, and it makes me so sad, that so many people think their children wil be taken from them because they are mentally ill. This will NOT happen unless it is proven that the children are suffering significant harm, so please put this worry outof your head. I would like to say Soc Srvcs maybe able to offer you support but I think they are so under resourced that they would not be able to provide anything in the way of support.

If your youngest child is 3 in September, surely he qualifies for 2.5 hours of free nursery care. These nurseries are usually attached to the primary school which the child will attend, so there is a seamless transition from nursery to reception to Year 1 etc. Not sure if you are in the UK but that is what happens here.

Would you consider your LO going to a childminder for part of the day, so that you can have a rest (coninciding with the 6yr olds school times) Of course the summer holidays are looming, but if you can afford it you could certainly buy in some help. YOu can get anything if you can pay!!

I suffer from intermittent depression following a major episode which I fully recovered from, so I know the torment of mental illness. It is so sad that you have suffered for so many years and at such a young age. You hint at the problem, when you talk of the "demons" - have you ever had any therapy to help you to come to terms with what happened to you as a child.

First of all you have a disability and are not a danger to your kids so no one is going to take them away.

When I was very very mentally ill with severe anxiety(close to hospitalisation) my GP told me to contact my HV. Which I did, and she managed to conjure up some childcare for about 3 months. I had a qualified nurseynurse come to my house and look after dd then age 2 1/2 about 4 mornings a week.

I was unable to access Homestart where I lived as it had by then become referral by social services only. I don't know if this is a national thing.

Please don't be afraid to go back to your GP and ask for help. Look what happened to me. No one is going to take your dc away, they will do everything they can to help you. If you have suffered since the age of 14, you have a clear disability. I don't know what support is available for disabled people but you should surely beable to access some.

Drugs on the whole make you feel transformed, so don't be too quick to turn them down To put it into perspective, one in three has mental health issues at some point in their lives. That would be an awful lot of kids in care if theywere taken away.......

Nurseynurse I meant nursery nurse!

Hi Grimmer. Sorry to hear things are not going well. I had PND after having ds2 (have history of MH probs). My HV applied for a 'reserved place' at a local authority nursery for ds1 so that I could just have 1 to look after, and attend treatment. Took a couple of months for the place to become available though. But, here is help out there. And take the meds. I resisted it for 6 months...and when I gave in was back to old self in a fortnight. What have you got to lose? PS I work for Social Services. You won't even get a referral through to children's social services unless they are being neglected/abused. However, if you have long term MH problems adult social services MAY be able to help you (depends on your problems and eligibility criteria in your area- often quite strict.). If you are unable to look after yourself, then you tend to be entitled to support in your parenting/caring role. But again- I don't know what your local authority pays for blah blah blah.

Hi Everyone. I hadn't dare to look for responses until now. I feared no one would be interested in my problems. Truly overwhelmed by your responses and the fact that people should take the time to respond and offer advice. Thank you . It seems there may be options and will set out to find out more on all of your suggestions . What an amazing feeling to feel so supported by a network of Mum's who don't even know me. Restores my faith in people....