my memory is terrible and worries me

[sheepsgomeeping]

I really didnt know where to post this so thought I'd try here

I feel very overwhelmed and I do find everyday life a struggle, from keeping the house tidy to getting myself dressed and being clean although I do try and have a bath everyday. I dont have a shower.

I am extremely forgetful, always have been, but my memory is getting much worse. I literally put some down and have no memory as to where ive put it. I cant remember dates appointments, peoples birthdays. I write things down but forget to check them because ive forgotten ive written it down. I will check sometimes say oh ive got a dentist appointment this morning then it will instantly go out my head and I miss the appointment, ive been kicked out of two dentists!

My life is chaotic and my routines are shit, I cant find my clothes. I forgot to turn the oven off last night!

I start something then lose interest, im never still, I dont feel down just overwhelmed. Even when I do find the time to sort out things I find that I live for everyone else, my mum wants things doing at her house, she has a bad hip. She is constantly phoning me to chat and moan about her mum who is vile to her so she offloads to me! I wouldnt mind but its three or four timesta day and if I dont answer she gets anxious and jumps in the car to find me!!

I have four dc who are lovely but my ds has been trouble, he has ADHD and is awaiting assessment for autism, he has been excluded from school several times has been violent and aggressive and is very high maintenance. My dds are also having problems ranging from sight problems to hearing and emotional problems too. They need order but I just feel I cant give it to them. And my relationship broke up last year and my dp moved out, its been very on and off since then but I cant go back to the way it was. I only see him a couple of times a week.

I dont feel depressed, ive been depressed before and it was different to this.

Why am I so crap?

You have so much on your plate
You have 4 DCs,that is hard going.
Also some of them have health needs,again hard going.
And no partner to help you.
And a mum who is asking for your help as well.
It is making me feel tired just writing this out,and thinking about it.

first things first.
Do you think you need to see the GP about your memory.
Or do you think if you had a diary,or calendar,or modern day equivalent ,you would not forget birthdays,appointmnets etc.If you are trying to remember also school dates,medical appointments,etc all of that in your head,you have no chance!

As regards sorting out your house,if you post those specific bits on the goodhousekeeping site,they are whizz over there,and will post lots of helpful and useful suggestions.

Actually lets start with those things,dont want to lose what I have written.

I have gone before but the doc just looks a bit baffled and puts it down to stress.

Ive always been scatty but its much worse lately. I have blank periods where I dont remember at all, I also forget my words a lot, I cant think of what im trying to say or I get my words muddled and it comes out slurry.

I dont doubt that some of it is down to stress but the forgetfulness is causing a lot of my stress

A diary is a good idea but I find that the kids take it out of my bag or off the shelf and draw in it or rip it. Not the older dc but my five year old would, she's the one with the hearing problems.

I have one child and struggle to keep organised!
Seriously though, you have so much on your plate, it's got to be incredibly hard to remember everything.
Don't rule out depression though - memory and 'state of mind' are highly interlinked. My Mum has clinical memory problems and is currently being assessed and has been prescribed antidepressants so that they can rule out that as an issue in her memory problems.

Did the gp take a blood test when you last went? To rule out anaemia, thyroid etc which can all have an effect on your memory.

BUT but but, a classic symptom of stress and anxiety (and I think you may have anxiety) is memory loss. Your mind just goes blank and the more you try to think about stuff the more it slips away.

TBH I cannot believe what you have to cope with, it makes me feel exhausted reading it.You are definitely suffering overload.

Could you startwith setting a few boundaries, perhaps with your mum? Ie expalining to her thatyou are run ragged and could she phone maybe once a day? Could someone else help with housework for her? If she has a bad hip can social services getinvolved. Once you claw back a bit of time for yourself, you may be able to think a bit clearer!

I forgot to mention I have a part time job too!. Only a Saturday girl though.

My mum needs boundaries doesnt she? And I have to put my foot down don't I. My mum is by nature an anxious person and she has to deal with my nan on a daily basis and she is an awful person. My dad died five years ago and it is just me and my mum, no other family apart from mine so it all gets really intense.

My mum is also very proud and wont accept she has a limiting condition. She is due to see an orthapaedic specialist but wont help herself. She's been told to walk with a stick or use a scooter but she wont, which causes her condition to be worse then she cant move the next day and is crying in pain and I drop everything then and go and help her. She drives me up the wall but what can I do?

I had no idea anxiety could cause memory aloss. I dont feel particularly anxious but I feel jittery a lot, itchy, angry and sometimes if a lot is going on quite sick. I worry constantly about my family and I have morbid thoughts a lot.

Time for a trip to the docs I think, I cant carry on like this

How you are reacting to it all sounds just like anybody else may react.
I would suggest,that if you can,you see a different GP in the practice to the one you saw last time.
And also I'd say you need some practical help for your family.I personally have no idea what is available that you could access.Maybe the GP would have some ideas about that as well,if you are interested.
Or maybe some other MNs have ideas.A church organisation would hopefully being willing to help?

Perhaps offer to help her only if she uses a stick or scooter? Sorry, I know you love your mum, and I don't want to have a downer on her, but she seesm totally reliant on you. She isn't really being fair on you when you have so much else to do.

Disabled mums can be hard work, I know, and they are so proud and rightly so, but you are picking up all the pieces for her.

Sorry . I do think you need a gentle but assertive talk with her about how you will help her if she helps herself. She should also be suitable for help from ss shouldn't she? And do you get attendance allowance for her?

Reading over your OP, has it ever occurred to you that you might have ADHD? It tends to run in families and it's not something that only children have.

Does your ex dp have the children at all?

No dont get attendance allowance for her, I didnt know I could.

Its possible I have ADHD, I had many symptoms when I was a child. Its very hard to get diagnosed though as an adult, all my doctor could offer was councilling.

Ex has the children sometimes. The elder twos dad has them every week