embryo or your partner

[gruff1]

ok so im going to cut to the chase here.

me and my partner were arguing last night, im depressed and tbh i consider life as a waste of time for me at the moment as there is no point, the only point in life is my children, but i sometimes think they would be better off without me, anyway long story short.

my partner got into argument and i said that with all the stress im under and depression all i want to do is top my self and thats why i have been distant lately and have been smoking pot. anyway she turned to me and said and the stress im causing is bad for the unborn baby.
which i understand but when i said im doing what im doing (smoking weed a couple of times a week with friends) because its the only way i can produce enough courage to basically pull through my pitiful existence and its giving me the resolve to not top my self she basically said that she would rather me die then a 6 week old embryo.

so obviously i feel well pretty fucking shit and she cant see what she said has hurt me and turned to me and said she bets most mums would feel the same..........

please tell me she is wrong as i find it hard to believe someone would rather their life partner die then something that isnt really here yet.. i know i sound selfish and i can understand where she is coming from, infact if it was a one night stand or a meaningless fling it wouldn't bother me but its not we are talking about 5 years of being in a relationship and 7 years of knowing each other .

again all i really want to know is would you feel the same and rather your partner would crock it then miss carry a 6 week old embryo

It sounds like she's trying to shock you into getting help to be honest.
I hope you both work through this, for yourselves and your baby.

well if so then she just makes me want to kill my self even more :/ weird really as we were really happy, but because of me getting laid off i got depression and did go back to smoking ill hold my hands up to that but i told her the help i need is support from my family, so when im told that i think screw life and screw her where my rope

I think it must be incredibly difficult loving someone with depression. I think it must be extremely painful to hear someone you love say all they want to do is 'top myself'. I understand that depression is an illness, and I hope you are getting professional support, for your sake and your family.

I love my DH with all my heart and have for 13 years. I would hurt him one hundred times over before I would hurt one of our children. I don't know if that answers your question, but if I was ever made to choose, I would choose my children every time, and that includes a wanted and loved embryo.

I don't think it is an argument that is productive or healthy for either of you.

Pot can cause depression so it's probably not helping you as much as you think it is. Have you seen your gp? I agree about your partner trying to shock you into doing something about it. Show willing - show her you are trying to get out of it by seeking help in the right way, not by smoking pot. Good luck.

thanks happy for the reply i think your probably right and i can see where your coming from to be honest its just something i didn't expect to come out her mouth and now its eating me inside.

bananacrepe i understand the weed isnt helping a great deal i really do ii rang doctors today got appointment in a couple of days but i know the routine, same old put me on meds to make me happy have me report back in a few months :/ i aint putting any pills no doctor gives either never have never will ill get support from people who love me and want to help me and ill do it without any substances

I'm sure it must be strange and hurtful to hear, but please don't take it to mean she doesn't love you.

Good luck.

They can refer you for counselling or similar too - tell them what you think about meds. Having said that, I was resistant to them first until I read that depression can be a chemical imbalance in the brain. Antidepressants just correct that imbalance. All the most prescribed ones (SSRIs) do is keep seratonin (the happy chemical the body produces) in your system for longer. Probably worth asking doctor lots of questions and being very open with hem so they can work out the best way to help you. Well done for making the appointment.

Right I'm going to be harsh here

But what is the point of going to dr's if you won't take the pills. Have you asked for councilling?
You say that you can do it without and substances? What about the pot you smoke? You say its working but it isn't is it if you are saying you still want to top yourself?

And yes stress is bad for an unborn baby, as its bad for anyone. And no I didn't read it as it was a choice of you or the baby.

How do you think your partner feels after you telling her you want to top yourself? You do come across as if something is said that you don't like you threaten to top yourself. Is that really a way to live?

And to me it sounds like you are making excuses. You know that there is a problem, yet you are doing nothing to help yourself.

And before I get flamed, yes I have been there, got the t-shirt and took the pills. Yes they made me feel shit but it worked, but I had that effort to help myself get better.

Saying all that, I really do wish you well

"ill get support from people who love me and want to help me and ill do it without any substances"
You're not happy with the support from your life partner though, and you need to take steps to get better yourself - they can't do it for you.
without substances - what about the weed?

I have to agree with BlackOut.
Depression is fucking terrible but if you won't help yourself, then no one else can do much for you. I don't want to sound horrible, but if you're willing to smoke drugs with your friends but not take a medicine that could potentially change your life (not to mention your partners and children's) then I think you're making a selfish decision.
I really do wish you the best, I hope you get the support and help you need.

Prescribed medicines will do your unborn baby a lot less harm than smoking weed.

Sorry but by not attempting to help yourself you're being incredibly selfish ( and yes I've been there too)

Please follow the doctor's advice, they will have seen many, many patients with depression before.

The medication they prescribe could be very helpful to you - why not give it a chance? Clearly, trying to manage without it isn't working for you, and if there's a chemical imbalance there, you won't feel better until that is corrected. There's nothing at all wrong with taking antidepressants, they wouldn't prescribe them if they didn't think they would benefit you.

Also you can ask your GP for a counselling referral.