To disclose feelings or not?

[Ginga66]

I have a two week old and a three year old. Since thebirthi have been tearful, headachy, anxious. He wakes to feed about every hour and half. I am breastfeeding and dh starts off in bed w ith me bug then goes in with ds1.
I don't feel the same about ds2 as withds1 despite him never sleeping he was an easy feeder where as ds2 is very hard to feed. I was utterlybesotted with ds1 but am having irrayionalthoughts about ds2 like he will take away from my time withds1 and have felt guilty for feeling like this and not enjoying bf.
When i had ds1 I was on an antidepressant and have history of mental I'll health. There was talk of a mother and baby unit because of my history but this was dismissed as I was really ok at the time.
I am terrified that if I see thx gp and say how am feeling they will assume I need more help than just medication and interfere with my little family. I have a very bad past mental health wise and work in the field too so know how overbearing social services can be . I might be being paranoid but would rather suffer than risk over zealous response.
Isthispostnatal depression or baby blues? Help!

Hi Ginga. Congratulations on your new baby btw.

I think only you can judge if your feelings are causing enough distress for you to seek advice etc from your gp/hv and I think maybe it's worth at least discussing it with them from what you've said. I also think your worries about SS being over zealous are probably over blown but that again is to do with how you're feeling and even a lot of that may well be pure temporary hormones/tiredness Have you spoken to dp about how you're feeling?

Please do try to talk about your fears etc., it really is the best way to access support / deal with any issues..

I'm not sure it will help really, but I didn't feel the same about DD as I did about DS in the early days (DS was first child. Dd second child) not until she was about 9months old.

I think it is early days and don't underestimate the problems utter exhaustion brings. But it's worth talking to you HV about it. I felt similar to you with my first and had lots of support from my HV.

Btw, I don't think it's at all irrational to worry about a new baby taking time away from your older child. First, ds2 is doing that, and you have only just met him, while ds1 has been your priority for years. It's okay not to love a baby straight away.

That's v reassuring jelly and worry that it's ok not to feel the same. My hv coming tues so I will try and talk to her. Midwife here tmrw but she's not easy to talk to. Will post again tues ifvanyone free to talk. Thanks so much for support.

my dh read this today and said it is depressing being around me when I am like this! He is great dad and is doing the housework but he is not getting that I need emotional support I don't think. I took a break the other night and he tried a bottle feed and he said I am not on maternity leave to have fun! He gets out at least twice a week for good three hours. At moment with breast feeding I nay get one or two hours at most and have stopped exercising, socializing and hobbies obviously until my little boy is able to take a bottle when I am not there.
I know that time to myself however small will help me feel more like myself and hence be a better mom. I know that the sleepless nights are taking their toll and if I can just get some formula into him or some colief maybe He will sleep longer? I just wish I could make dh understand. My sons and him are centre of my world buti need some self space just like he does. I am hoping ds2 will take to bottle as he is not doing too well with it at moment.
The midwife came today but I could not talk to her, she is so rushed and we did not really bond. The hv is here tomorrow so I will see if I can talk to her instead.

Ginga I have only just seen this update. I really hope you've found someone to talk to. How dare your 'd'H say you are not on maternity leave to have fun! That doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to have a break ever! Ooh I'm seething now. Of course having a break would make you feel better. I think there are few things more intense than having a new baby, particularly when you have limited other support.

Thanku jellymould. Did bit of yoga tint with ds1 climbing on top of me but dh tried to distract him with story so getting there!