Baby bonding and PND

[Zzzzmarchhare]

hi, just wondered if anyone had any experience of ways to help bonding with your baby. DS is 4 months. Am having treatment for PND which is helping, have also been to baby yoga which I have found great. But I still feel there is a long way to go and I wondered what other MN had found useful-I know there is no quick fix!

Have you been to swimming lessons (or just swimming!)? Lots of eye contact, skin contact but someone telling you what to do which makes it seem natural and not engineered, iyswim?

It'll come - glad the treatment is going well!

Baby massage is supposed to be very good for you and baby

Thankyou for your replies. We are on a waiting list for a baby massage class, will def try swimming and a sling. When I was pregnant I'd imagined the bond will be instant and natural, after ages beating myself up that it wasn't I want to be positive and have the bond in the future.

For a lot of women it isn't instant and natural. It took until DS was about 1 before I genuinely felt life was better since having DS. I had PND, but I absolutely owe all of our bonding (albeit slow) to baby yoga, massage, swimming, monkey music and bounce and rhyme. Check your local children's centre, as that's where our massage class was and it was free. Also the library has a wealth of information regarding classes, and if all else fails; google classes in you local area.

BTW I'm not saying you will take as long as me to bond! I didn't seek help until DS was 5 months, which is a long time to soldier on for with no anti-d's. You sound like you're doing fabulously. At no point be afraid to use a couple of childcare sessions a week if you can afford it.

Thanks SM-helpful advice and good to hear you are getting there, def helps me feel more positive to hear your story x

One way to approach this is to do things you enjoy (or, used to enjoy) with baby and introduce him or her to your world. This can be hard to do if you're so depressed that you're not enjoying anything at all, so you have to think hard about what things brought you pleasure before.
In my case, I used to enjoy going to the zoo before I became a mother, so I started to take DD1 and show her animals, such as the fish tanks. Then we would do gentle things like watch the waterfall together in the bird house. Later on I used to take her to music concerts (special baby ones) and swimming. These are all things I used to enjoy, and I think that introducing her to my world really helped us both.
But don't feel pressure mounting. It's the gentle sharing of your time together which will slowly build a bond, and help you feel well again too.

Have you got a cinema near you? Our local cinema does baby screenings - you can take a rug, put your DS on the floor with some toys and eat pick and mix relax!

YY to domestic ds loves the aquarium. A lot of places like that do yearly passes, so you can go once a fortnight and see something different each time

I just found structured activities helped me find mums in my position and just helped the days pass with less fuss tbh.

It takes a LOT of effort and dedication to be a SAHM, especially in the early days! More than I ever imagined.

The best advice I have heard was from the 'adoption thread'.
Act as if you love him and love will come.

So what did you imagine you would be doing with your baby? Cuddling all day, singing songs together, watching him sleep? It will be something that you enjoy and what to do with your baby.
Whatever it is, do it now.

And then, if you can't face it, it's too hard, you need a break, take that break, relax and come back to enjoying your baby when you can.

I started this 'bonding exercise' much later on with dc1 (Undiagnosed PND, no help at all) so it was a different situation but trying my best to act as I loved him and he was the most important thing in the world helped a lot.

It takes time but this is something totally possible to achieve. :)

Thankyou for your wise words and encouragement, it has really helped x