I haven't name changed. If I do that then its pointless admitting my problem. I've bitten the bullet and admitted it to one friend recently (DH knows too)
Last week I decided enough is enough. Its gotten really bad lately. I want some help. I'm under no illusions that anyone can control this but me, but I thought it was about time I got some support and hopefully help me cope. Ideally to stop it completely.
Yesterday morning I went to my GP. I explained to her that I've been bulimic, on and off since I was 13, and that I am a compulsive eater. If it ends in vomiting, I've lost. If it ends in no vomiting, I've still lost because I've consumed vast amounts of calories that will result in weight gain which I didnt enjoy - I didnt even taste. Constant battle in my head.
She was very sympathetic and agreed to refer me. She said the NHS waiting lists can be very long for eating disorders. Luckily DH has BUPA cover for us, and when I rang them I am eligible for private treatment. I chose a therapist, and rang her. She sounds lovely. I am optimistic for the first time in a long time.
So there. Its out in the open. TBH I'm not particularly feeling better in myself about spilling the beans - no relief or anything - but I am feeling strangely smug that I've been proactive. No-one else was going to fix this for me. It wasn't excruciating to admit what I do. It was fine.