Help me.....Severe anxiety and panic

[EddieVeddersfoxymop]

Help. I'm so anxious it's unreal,I feel like I'm going to die. I've suffered from health anxiety since before Xmas, did a short course of CBT which helped but am at rock bottom again and don't know where to turn.

I had a lot of heart palpitations last night, every time I lay on my side. The panic grew until I was hyperventilating with fear and this horrible feeling that I was going to die. I called my GP urgently in the morning who was fab, she rushed me straight in, examined me, did an ECG there and then and proclaimed me normal. My heart was fast, bp was up but she said that ultimately it was all ok. She's ordered various blood tests too, including my thyroid as I'm on thyroxine.

But I just can't get the fear to go away today. My heart feel odd, sort of achy and tired, and still skipping beats here and there, and of course when I feel a missed beat, I get the rush of fear and adrenaline which sets the whole thing off again. I'm consumed with fear that my heart is done in, and I'm going to drop dead or be horribly ill and in hospital.

My lovely GP phoned me back this afternoon to see how I was doing, but she's frightened me too......she wants to see me for a double appointment next week to thoroughly go over my heart/anxiety symptoms to see whether she will start me on an anti depressant (can't take beta blockers) or whether I need a 24 hour heart trace done. This all terrifies me, it the waiting and the what ifs.....I'm frightened to my core.

Help please, I'm beaten by this today and I don't know where to turn next.

hi EddieVedder, so sorry to hear that you are so anxious today (i'm having a bad one too!)
Firstly, I expect the 24 hour trace is just going to be a 'belt and braces' test - if the GP really thought there was a problem it would have been done months ago.
it's so easy to say, but can you do something to take your mind off your heartbeat? if you concentrate on it that much, of COURSE it will seem bumpy etc. tell yourself that it is a panic attack, that is all. your heart WON'T just stop and it is just the adrenaline coursing through your veins that is making you feel like that.
watch a dvd? see a friend?

...also meant to send you a big, calming hug as well!

Main thing is too let it happen, my CBT therapist told me this and it really helped, say to yourself "this is shit, it feels horrible, but it wont kill me." Fighting the feelings you are having is probably making it worse.

Good advice from coffee and cake above, on the DVD front see if you can find something that will trigger crying, I found at my worst a huge, wracking cry could provide some release, (though this may be because not being able to cry was a big issue so apologies if that's not you).

Thank you folks, am just having such a hard time today. I've been at home with my wee girl all day so plenty time to watch and wait for the missed beats and the doom feeling.

She's performing in her first ever ballet show this evening ( she's only 4) and I'm so looking forward to seeing her on stage and bursting with pride, but am so scared that my heart will stop and I'll miss my wee girls moment. Also on a trip tomorrow with my hubby and I'm scared of being away from home as home = safety and my GP. That sounds dreadful doesn't it. We never get away together so I should be looking forward to it, but I'm frightened.

Thank you again for taking the time to talk to me.

Eddie, I have to go pick my DD up from school, but as long as I don't get caught up in something (don't want to make promises I might not be able to keep) I'll come back and post again.

You are not alone, honest to goodness.

Thank you

you won't miss your dd ballet show!
is your dh supportive of your anxiety, eddie? can you tell him how frightened you are? perhaps you can identify a 'safe' place while you are out, so that if need be you can go there (the car?) no idea, where you're going, of course, but i guess honesty and working WITH anxiety rather than fighting it (like Wyrd said) are going to work.

The skipped beats are really bad right now, am very worried I won't make it to my little girls show. My heart hurts and I feel the rush of adrenaline the panic about missing it is so bad.

Yes, my dh knows how I am and is amazingly supprtive. Even to the extent that we were meant to be flying to our trip but I'm so scared he's told me to sod the plane ticket and he'll drive me there.

Hes coming home early to help get my dd ready for the show as I'm frightened that if I move about touch I'm going to drop down.

This is miserable, I just can't trust my GP that all is ok with my heart....it's impossible when I know I didn't feel any skipped beats while the trace was being done.

My palpatations never happened while I was at the Doctors, because there was nothing actually wrong with my heart, I was projecting my terror of not being able to cope onto the sensations I was getting from the constant adrenaline rushes which caused palpations which made me panic about my heart which caused another adrenaline rush... and round and round I went.

I'm sure I'm not telling you anything that your Doctor hasn't told you .

Back in a minute, my oven just binged...

... and back.

I used to explain it to my Doctor like this. Inside my head was Rational me and Anxiety me. Rational me thought Anxiety me was an idiot and Anxiety me thought Rational me was a fucking patronising idiot so you could imagine how that used to go.

Just want to be clear I didn't think there was an actual pair of squabbling mini mes in my head, I wasn't that kind of crazy, it was just the best way of describing it.

There were days when I really struggled to get off the sofa in the morning to brush my teeth.

If you can get yourself out to your Daughter's ballet show can you stand at the back near the door and just use to the excuse that your back's bad and you need to stand or that you are claustrophobic if anyone asks, bring your DH (who sounds brilliant) in on the cover story if necessary? Then if you have to escape or lean against something you can do so without there being a big fuss (something I dreaded and that made my anxiety in social situations worse).

Thanks Wyrd, I love your explanation. I keep saying to the medics that I feel like an utter idiot.....I am a reasonably sensible person, rational....so why am I floored with this?

An your description of the palpitations sounds so right.....I can feel the adrenaline rush in my body and am terrified that it will cause my heart to go nuts.....which it then does. Have a horrid feeling I will end up in a&e tonight and not be able to go on my trip tomorrow either...but the doctor said I could do with the break! It's 400 miles from home though and a very scary prospect indeed.
I have to get to this show, my dd is a nervous wee thing and wants to look for me in the audience. Am fucking terrified though, excuse my language.

Oh yes, that's me too, sensible and rational and keeping my head when all about me are losing there's...

I think that makes it worse, you just don't want to be that panicing person so fight it and hide it and feel like a fool.

Is your DD with you?

I do appreciate the terror of moving, if your symptoms dip at any point is there any chance you could start with some gentle movements, stretches and bends maybe to start using some of that adrenaline? I also used to find singing helped me get my breathing right again, especially if it was something I could bellow or something that would help me cry. Having said that if your DD is there I completely understand that you might be scared of scaring her but I did find that if I just told my DD on the odd occasions I really did need a cry that Mummys sometimes have bad days and need a boo hoo she was fine with it.

I'm going to be busy for a couple of hours Eddie. Hope you are doing okay and your DD's recital goes well.

It will pass, honest and it can be sorted.

Thank you so much. I made it through the recital, she was a wee star. Am one proud mummy. Trying to get some rest on the sofa now, dh has just made me some tea and toast. Am still scared of movements though, and of lying down as that's what made all the horror start last night. Really appreciate your chat though, will be on again tomorrow I expect. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Pat yourself on the back HUGELY for making it through and hug that proud glow.

Prop yourself up on the sofa but with your head supported so if you do drop off you wont wake up with your neck at 90 degrees . I used to do this with crappy late night TV. Nightly Diagnosis Murder Marathons was my best friend for sometime, or Eddie Izzard standup shows on DVD.

You're more than welcome, hope you get some sleep.

Are you sure that the crucial words in your OP are not 'I'm on thyroxine'?

Palpitations are a very common (and harmless) symptom of thyroid issues and it may simply be that your levels are off or that, if your thyroid problem is auto-immune, you are swinging towards overactive.

D

Interesting point D, my doc is checking my thyroid. My thyroid condition is auto immune.....Hashimotos, only on 25mg levothyroxine but my GP is pondering it....thank you