Need advice on dealing with bipolar boyfriend :(

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Hi, I'm new here and looking for some advice. My bf has been diagnosed with bipolar for a few years now. He is really struggling at the moment and I don't know how to help him, especially as in his eyes I am the one triggering his feelings.

He seems to have painted me black and at the moment I can't do or saying anything right. He goes into a rage and gets destructive and then storms off. He drives after drinking far too much when he gets like this and I am so worried for him.

He over reacts to situations or conversations, I don't know whether to leave him alone, not contact him and let him deal with things himself or whether to try and talk to him.

He is so difficult to live with at the moment, it is heartbreaking to see the person I love like this :(

I have bipolar the only advice I can really give is to remember nothing he says is personal and I would try to distance yourself for now. I shut all my family out when i am ill and get quite nasty if people try to connect with me and then when I get well I turn to them then. It doesnt mean I dont love them in fact I love them all the more for sticking by me during my roughest times when I know I am not easy.

It may be worth trying to get him to speak with his doctor as drink driving could put his and others life in danger and he may need to be admitted which he will thank you for after. Take care of yourself and I hope things get better soon. Please dont feel bad that it seems like you cant help it will mean the world just to know you care.

I don't have bipolar, but I do have borderline personality disorder and it has similar symptoms. There are times when I tell my boyfriend how much I hate him, how horrible he is, etc...I don't mean it, even at the time, I just feel so shut off from the world and it feels like whatever I say it doesn't matter anyway because everyone hates me.

It must be so hard for him to not take it personally but he tries not to because none of it is true, I really love him and I think he's great.

I would back off when he's in that mood. Tell him you love him but that he's hurting you and you'd rather not be with him right now. Don't get involved in arguments as they'll only escalate.

Do you have some support? Counselling and support groups are really great for people involved in this kind of relationship.

my dh has also got it . i agree with crawling he needs to seek medical help with the rite medication should slow him down a bit .its hard to deal with this condition expecially when you love em .i found when hes on a mad one best thing is to try not to get into with him i could make him worse. but with the rite medication he will get better i hope this help you wish you all the best and good luck

Thanks everyone, I have tears streaming down my face, just realising that someone understands. If I try and tell him its hurting me he just shouts 'IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT' It really doesnt seem to bother him that he hurts my feelings. In fact it actually makes him madder!

Crawling, thanks for your insight, that is really helpful, can I ask? Is it worth telling him I love and care for him whilst he is like this or does it make things worse? When I see him hurting like this I just want to give him a big cuddle, tell him I am here for him and that I love him but he pushes me away :(

Yellow, even though he has been diagnosed bipolar I actually do think he has BPD. He twists things I say, makes up things I have said, gives me the silent treatment sometimes for days on end, gets angry very very quickly, rages, throws things, breaks things, pushes my affections away. I know he loves me but he is never interested in how I am, whether I've had a good day, it's as though his head is so full of his own stress that he doesn't have any space left for anyone else. He also blames everything on me, nothing is ever his fault.

mum, he is on citralopram but this is either not enough or he needs something different. He says he doesnt want to feel like a zombie and says it's me that causes this and no amount of medication would make him cope with my shit!!! I am really not this awful girlfriend that he makes me out to be. I feel he probably plays it down when he goes to the doctors, also he drinks daily which I don't feel helps. He sleeps alot, he can't get through the day without a 2 hour nap, he works from home so is able to do this.

I actually feel as though I want to write to his doctor to tell her exactly what he is like so she can treat him properly but I don't know if this is acceptable.

Firstly citalopram is a anti depressant (I think) so without a mood stabilser that alone could be making him worse.

Secondly when I am manic I feel trapped by my family I feel euphoric and I want to be free and family are stopping that from happening so I get angry at them I feel like I am stuck on a spin cycle with so many emotions pulling in different directions.

For me any reminder of family obligations or people I love makes me worse, as it pulls me away from everything that right now all my emotions are screaming at me to do, I cannot be talked to when I am like this and my partner usually lets me blow myself out and does not remind me he loves me he just distances himself (unless I am at a dangerous stage like your partner is and then he seeks professional help) and then we got a care plan together when I was in my normal mood state after my first manic state.

However some of what you say is worrying if he is saying these things only when on a episode then while its not ok its not something he can really help but if these are said between episodes then I would say that is abuse. Does he have normal periods when he is not suffering symtoms and does he treat well then?

I was with a bipolar man fir 15 years.

With the violence you describe and the blaming you for his outbursts and the refusal to take mood stabilising meds my honest advice is to get out of the relationship and run for the hills.

I sent 13 years of my life afraid and being ground down and I totally lost who I was over that time.

I stayed with him because I loved him.

I realise my advice sounds harsh - it's advice I received from others and ignored.

The fact is there is nothing you can do to help him.

I don't know OP. That sounds so horrible. As bad as I am when I am feeling awful, it's never for days on end, I blow up quickly, chuck a plate at the wall and then calm down and sob. Not nice (and managed to seriously cut down on these behaviours) but days on end sounds awful.

He's blaming you for his problems and refusing to seek help. Neither of those things is ok, especially blaming you.

I'm obviously pretty tolerant on mh probs but I'd be running for the hills if this was me.

I am bipolar too. It sounds like your bf has hit a crisis point. Does he have a proff in charge of his care? If so it might be time to contact them and explain what's happening. As far as your personal relationship goes I would say give him some space, I tend to go into myself what I hit a low and shut everyone out, there is nothing anyone can say to make me feel better, in fact kind words sometimes make me feel worse (along the lines of I have such lovely people around and so I shouldn't feel like this)

On another note citilopram, and as far as I'm aware all SSRI's, shouldn't be used in bipolar as they can create more instability (I was put on cit and it bumped my cycles up to ultra rapid and sent me hyper manic) Sounds like he could do with a professional review of treatment and meds etc.

I have been living with my bipolar DP for 7 years, but we only really found out a couple of years ago what was wrong after a major mixed episode.

Your partners behaviour sounds very similar to my how my DP was during the buildup to it. It started with her getting more irritable than usual. Minor things that normally wouldn't have bothered her worse suddenly major issues, and she refused to belive that I could possibly have any issues with her and every problem was my fault. And yes, what you describe as "BPD" like behaviour was certainly part of it. IT doesn't mean he has BPD, it's just part of the psychosis he is experiencing. They seem to be able to convincingly argue that black is white, and you really aren't sure whether it really is black even though it's in front of you. Anyway, it kept getting worse and worse until I was convinced that whatever I did, our relationship would soon be over. I figured it must have been me. Perhaps I really was that impossible to live with.

But when it reached its peak, I realised it wasn't right. Her behaviour was completely out of charactor for her, the things she was saying were things I knew she woudln'r normally have believed, and she was just too erratic and to be OK.

I had already realised that arguing with her was a waste of time. It just escalated until she was ordering me out of the house, when truth be told I had no idea what we even arguing about. I tried remaining calm (Vulcan-like calm, not just your regular calm) and this seemed to help. Trying to remind her of how much me and the kids loved her just seemed to make her feel more claustrophobic. So I just gave her space. It seemed the best thing to do. The agreession seemed to subside a little.

I also tried to suggest she seak some help, but this resulting and screaming and shouting about attempting to lubotomise her. So I had to just wait and pick up the pieces afterwards. Once she was back to normal, she was so ashamed of her behaviour that she expected me to leave. She thought no one could or should put up with her. But, to be honest, whilst we've had other minor episodes, this was the only one in 7 years that was truly distructive and extremely difficult. I decided that I loved her enough to put up with 3-4 months of this. And she was quite willing to accept treatment once she was normal again.

Regarding advice to leave your partner and run for the hills. Well, obviously I didn't follow that. But have no preconceptions, its not easy. It will require work and patience on your part, and a willingness to try from him when he is his normal state of mind. This is a crossroads for you, as well. Do you love this person enough to make a commitment to stand by them through these very trying epsiodes? Can you support them when they're down, give them space when they're up and help pick up the pieces when they come down? For me, it was yes. But only you really know what the answer is for you.

The episode he is in right now is not the man you know and love, remember that. His mind is such a swirling mess of madness that he barely knows what he's thinking or feeling. Give him space, and judge him on when he is in his normal state. Not on how he behaves right now. It's easy to make things worse. But with effort, keeping extremely calm around him and not forcing him to deal with your feelings right now is what is going to help.

If you have some support, use it. Talk to a friend or family member you can rely on for support. And when he comes back from this episode, when he is ready (because he'll be in shut-down mode for a while) then he'll want to talk to you about your feelings.

driving after drinking is a polic amtter - and you should call police and give them rgistration number if he has got into car when drunk. to save other people being killed.

you should set up some counselling for yourself to seprate out in your mind what is bipolar/beyond his control and what is in his control - and also boundary seting that you can do to survive.

and think long and hard before having children with him.
if he cannot sort out the drinking thing - dont do it.

if he isnt stable and he doesnt get the righ mnds to avert destructive rages then think v carefully about long term - and whether he can see what is happening and is willing to work with his medical team to get help to avert destructive lows

I have been dating a guy for a year & he moved in with me after escaping the home of his abusive parent. He moved back from Canada into Asia hoping to start afresh however was disappointed with the country. He ignored his parents for a good 4 months before allowing contact. His folks are suspected bipolar but were never diagnosed. We had a lot of fun travelling. He drinks a lot and started speaking about moving and leaving me in July. Come August he would drink and return home raged screaming and shouting. After realizing he's not getting into the division of choice for work and is stuck he drank even more. Came August his birthday eve I requested to talk. He asked if I knew what day it was. I had prepared a gift in advance. He came home screaming his life is over and started kicking and throwing. He flung a bottle and hurled a knife at me. I had to call the cops & withdrew my statement after. He hates me since & claimed I ruined his big day. He continued spiralling downwards and I moved out. I came home 1 week later. Found texts of him bitching about me to his newly made drinking buddies. I told him to move which he did not till much later. Practically had to force eviction and left his things outside. 1 month 2 weeks had passed he was contacting me to obtain his remainder stuffs back. Since then there has been no contact. He mentioned on leaving it to God on our relationship and has been silent since. Is it over for us?

Crazybee this is a very old thread. I was one of the original posters but have since name changed. Try starting your own thread.