trying to cope with anxiety

[Tyniclogs]

Just wanted to tell someone that I'm feeling awful today and having tried all day to think of someone who would undetstand other than my long suffering dh. Have felt anxious and tearful after trying to hold it all together. Have brought dc to a `jolly fun barn' and am feeling less than jolly. At least the kids are having fun and I am able to pull myself together.

Hey tyniclogs,

It'll soon be bed time

Are you feeling better now that you are out and about with dc?? X x

Thanks for the reply. Yes, feeling better for having recovered some of the day and that dh will be home soon. Nothing worse than feeling like a failiure anyway without confirmation of it when your dcs been in all day in front of the telly whilst you mope. Everythings just crashed in on me at the moment and I'm trying to recover an even keel again. My brother killed himself 10 years ago, not seen my dad in years and he announced he's remarried last year to a woman 3 years my junior. He's never met my children and effectively I have had to accept our relationship is over. My mother who I had supported throughout my brothers illness when he was alive has slowly withdrawn from me over the past 10 years and especially when I had my own two dcs, 6 years ago. She remarried and moved a long way away and we are now very distant in every sense of the word. When she does visit she is angry and resentful of my children and pays them no attention. I have now come to accept in the past few months that my relationship with her is also effectively over and will never recover no matter how much I try.

Basically I feel I am grieving all over again for my mum and that my old family is gone. I've created a new one but am struggling with the past and the present. Have managed to old it all together for so long and just feel anxious a lot of the time. Approached the GP for counselling but there is nothing offered for free here, having to pay £25 a time which is difficult to afford. Will need to make sure I book another to stay sane. My self esteem is shot and I'm retreating which I knwo isn't good. Thanks again for listening to a wallow of self pity.

Oh you poor thing! Good grief, anyone would be feeling low with the amount it sounds like you've been through. Don't beat yourself up about leaving the kids in front of the telly - it doesn't make you a bad mother! I can't offer any useful advice but keep posting on here as much as you like. Go to GP if you can. Have you got any friends you can talk to?

Thanks Banana. I did go to the drs the other month after the last visit from mum and was feeling much the same as I do now, anxious. I had two sessions of counselling and felt much better for working out what was bothering me exactly...since then it feels like its all dawned on me that things aren't going to change for the better with my mum or dad. I feel its probably all part of the cycle of counselling and it should improve in time, could probably benefit from more counselling on a more regular basis but its way down on the to do list at the moment. Difficult to fit in 'time to work out major psychological stuff' with the two dcs...although I'm not much use to them ill so should make it more of a priority.

Friends is a tricky one at the moment to. I have a lot of good friends who've been though it all with me but everyone is busy with their own families at present. I'm out of the baby group phase and we moved 2 years ago so its been hard to make new friends in the area. The closest freinds who I met in the baby bit 6 years ago are turning a bit self destructive and negative (emotionally immature, drink and drugs) I'm trying to pull away given I have enough to be getting on with. I'm trying to involve myself with things that I enjoy to boost my self esteem and to make new friends away from children. I've always been a sociable person but finding it harder to keep up with friendships, its hard with newer friends to really be myself as I carry so much baggage, met someone last year who ran for the hills the minute I mentioned my brothers suicide...her problem not mine, but a kick in the teeth none less.

Today was a really bad day and tomorrow is a new one. I reckon I need to prioritise the counselling and get myself outdoors as much as possible, the weather is really knocking it out of me.

I think you need to go back to your Gp. Counselling is available to those who need it via GP. Did the GP tell you it was too expensive?

I think the Nice guidelines say patient may be offered counselling or counselling plus medication, so I think you need to go back.

xx

It is very very hard when feeling crap to be assertive to GP's I know. Take your dh with you if you have to.

My poor GP just agrees with whatever I want re mental health issues now!

www.mind.org.uk/help/i_know_someone_with_a_mental_health_problem

Can these help? I'm sure you must be able to access free counselling somehow, an ex-bf of mine turned to this charity for his clinical depression and they were brilliant-although I am talking over 20 years ago.
Anyone would feel like you do with what you've been through-the best lesson I learned about dealing with anxiety and panic attacks was to 'not fight' the feelings as thats too exhausting, but to always remember you've had them before and lived to tell the tale.

www.mind.org.uk/

Sorry I forgot convert the link on the top one! :0)

Thanks for the info. I was surprised when the gp gave me a leaflet and told me to self refer. When I called the number they said they only offered work books for depression and no counselling, recomended Relate. I'm keen not to take drugs as my experience of them in the past shows I get every side effect going. Will look into it more. Had early night and got a couple of supportive text from very old friends...today is a new day and I have things planned so will lay off the coffee and sugar. Thanks for your replies.