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Mental health

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Original poster

Mental health

32 replies

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:19

Evening iam hoping some of you can offer me some advice here and help.

I have a friend who is a psych nurse and has on occasions informed me that I have all the traits of having a personality disorder.

This was said again last night, and she had been drinking, and now iam so upset about it.

A little bit of background - have split up from my husband of 17 years last year, but the marriage has been under strain for the last 5. Husband putting me through a lot - meeting woman off the net, using web cams etc.
Also 6 years ago had my first bout of depression - take anti d now and saw a counsellor at the time, which massively helped.

Also saw a counsellor when my marriage broke up last year, which I saw as an investment in me, and helped me come to peace with marriage breakup.

I struggle with my self esteem , but would live to work on that, so if anyone has any tips they could share with me that would be great.

Also how do you know if you have a pd - and if so what can be done about it?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:

WhiteWidow · 09/06/2012 18:21

'personality disorder'? What a stupid think for her to say.

Are you happy OP? Do you feel you need help?

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:22

Sorry!!! Am posting from my phone - and I have posted in the wrong topic!!

OP posts:

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:25

Thanks for replying.

Yes - I think iam happy. Not all the time everyday, but considering what the year has been like, then yes, iam doing ok.

Sorry to drop feed - my boss at work took my husband in to their home and he now lives in one of their rental properties. This fad made my life at work difficult and I do worry about my job.

OP posts:

AdventuresWithVoles · 09/06/2012 18:27

I think the point of PDs is that the sufferer is the last person to be able to see it.
I suppose a psychiatrist could settle things for you, one way or the other.
Since she knows you so well, did she say which PD she thinks you have?

WhiteWidow · 09/06/2012 18:27

I don't think there's anything for you to worry about OP. You just seem like a normal woman going through normal things and feelings. Your friend is out of order for suggesting something without much basis and not offering any further on the subject. The drink probably didn't help though I suppose

Unless your personality affects your life in a bad way then I don't see any problem

Hope you're okay anyway! Maybe ask your friend about what she meant?

CrispyCod · 09/06/2012 18:28

Your friend sounds quite toxic IMO and unprofessional too for bringing up the subject after drinking. If she has real cause for concern she should approach it when she's sober and then only if you feel you want to discuss it. If not then she is crossing the line.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/06/2012 18:32

She needs to stop diagnosing and keep her nose out of your business.

If she is concerned for your mental health in some way, she should address the issues she is worried about with you, not give you unhelpful labels with no clear reasoning!

doggiemumma · 09/06/2012 18:32

your friend is totally out of order and unprofessional. On top of this, she is an idiot. A psychiatrist/psychologist would be unable to diagnose a personality disorder without a full psychiatric assesment. Your friend is just trying to big herslef up because she thinks shes a shrink - dozey mare. A LITTLE knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Id distance myself from this woman if i were you - she is talking shit.

From your OP it just sounds like you have been through alot of heartache. It is only natural for your self esteem to be affected. If you have not had CBT then maybe ask your doctor to consider that as it may well help you with your confidence levels.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/06/2012 18:33

I am a psychiatric nurse by the way and not in the habit or trying to diagnose my friends!

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:33

Thanks for replying ladies.

No she hasn't said which one she thinks I have ... I have looked on the net .. And I could fit some of the criteria to me .. But iam sure most of us could sometimes.

As I said I do struggle with self esteem and sometimes find it hard to believe that iam likeable or loveable ... But again maybe that's what a bad marriage does to you.

I meet another friend today who I have know for longer - and she's quite cross about it as she thinks iam ok and that this shouldn't have been said to me.

OP posts:

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 09/06/2012 18:34

She's not a psychiatrist so ignore her opinion. It's taken me years to be diagnosed with a PD and it's not a label given lightly.

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:38

Thank you for replying rabbits.

I have always worried about what people think of me even as far back as my early 20.

The first lot of counselling was cbt - maybe I need a top up.

Thanks for all your replys

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rookanga · 09/06/2012 18:49

If you have read a bit about pd and feel like what you have read relates well to you then it might be worth looking into further, in terms of helping you understand yourself. We all have some negative personality traits though, the question is whether they all add up to a personality disorder, and if knowing that would help you in the way that you think about yourself, approach things, and the support that you could access.

generally though, having a personality disorder involves having:

An enduring pattern of psychological experience and behavior that differs prominently from cultural expectations, as shown in two or more of: cognition (i.e. perceiving and interpreting the self, other people or events); affect (ie. the range, intensity, lability, and appropriateness of emotional response); interpersonal functioning; or impulse control.
The pattern must appear inflexible and pervasive across a wide range of situations, and lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in important areas of functioning.

and

markedly disharmonious attitudes and behaviour, involving usually several areas of functioning, e.g. affectivity, arousal, impulse control, ways of perceiving and thinking, and style of relating to others;
the abnormal behaviour pattern is enduring, of long standing, and not limited to episodes of mental illness;
the abnormal behaviour pattern is pervasive and clearly maladaptive to a broad range of personal and social situations;
the above manifestations always appear during childhood or adolescence and continue into adulthood;
the disorder leads to considerable personal distress but this may only become apparent late in its course;
the disorder is usually, but not invariably, associated with significant problems in occupational and social performance.

You can see from that that the difficulties would be pretty significant, so unlikely that you would be unaware of it until a friend told you over a drink. If you are worried though, speak to your GP.

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 18:54

Thank you for that reply ... And if iam honest I don't quite understand it all- if anyone can help in laymans terms I would be grateful.

OP posts:

rookanga · 09/06/2012 19:02

Sorry, those two sections are a copy of the personality disorder criteria from the two main diagnostic systems.

Basically is is saying that you would have to have a range of thoughts and behaviour that were very different from what is expected by society, in terms of thoughts, moods, impulses and relating to others. You would be like this in different situations and with different people and would either lead to you being significantly distressed, or not managing to function normally.

Also it would have been present throughout adult life, and the symptoms are not due to episodes of mental illness.

Is that better or does it just confuse things more?

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 19:10

No that's much better thank you .

I don't think iam distressed more than would be normal for the situations I have been in.

As I said I have suffered from self esteem issues for a long time . I hate upsetting people and would get worked up about that. I have drifted apart from some friends and fallen out with a couple - but I do have friends - some of them long standing. I do know that I have bored some of them to death over the last year whilst getting my life back on track!!!

My friend also tells me that there is nothing that can be done for a pd sufferer?

That's for you reply

OP posts:

JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 09/06/2012 19:14

As others have said, a personality disorder is a distinct psychiatric disorder that could not possibly be diagnosed without considerable assessment and I'm astonished that your friend even mentioned it

If you suffer from low self esteem this would be literally the last thing you need to hear. I think you should utterly discard what she said, and preferably her. Nobody needs to have people in their lives that chip away at their happiness and self-worth. You don't have to be friends with anyone, you know. Walking away might be best.

rookanga · 09/06/2012 19:15

There certainly are no easy or quick answers to personality disorder, but it is not true that nothing can be done. Though that would only be relevant if that is what you have, and it isn't something that can be diagnosed without thorough assessment.

TheLightPassenger · 09/06/2012 19:17

she really isn't behaving in a professional or caring way tbh, as others have said, if she was genuinely concerned for your mental health then she would not be raising this as some sort of insult whilst drunk. people with pds can still be helped by psychologists, some forms of psychotherapy can be v helpful.

out of interest, has your friend ever put yourself/others down in the past, is she generally a bit of a superior type (i.e. is this sort of behaviour typical)

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 19:19

Thank you ladies

Ism beginning to feel slighter brighter about it. And yes you are right , it was the last thing I wanted to hear. Was very emotional this morning.

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Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 19:23

She can be very sharp to people , but also has been good to me as well!!

Iam over weight, and I moan about it , but I don't do a whole heap about it ( although am a few stone lighter than I was 6 years ago). She's very hard with me about that - telling me to do something about it or enjoy being my size . I feel like she's banging me over the head rather than helping me with advice.

OP posts:

MNHQ

KatMumsnet · 09/06/2012 19:31

@annieatnofour

Sorry!!! Am posting from my phone - and I have posted in the wrong topic!!

Hi OP, we've moved this into Mental Health for you now :)

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 19:35

Thank you Mumsnet

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 09/06/2012 19:48

Is your boss having a relationship with your ex husband?

Your friend is completely out of order telling you she thinks you have a personality disorder. In fact I think you should take this further at work, but if there's a problem with your boss overstepping boundaries then I don't know who you should go to about it.

Original poster

annieatnofour · 09/06/2012 19:51

No she's not - her dh and my stbxdh are mates.

It has made my life just that little bit more difficult tbh

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