Sporadic depression? - what the hell is wrong with me?

[JohnnyBodensLovechild]

Since DC2 was born I just have these days when I just can't cope. I just get in a vile mood and am sweary and sarcastic with the DC and then I just can't tell you how much I hate myself and want to self-harm. I used to cut myself when I was depressed as a teenager, I don't do that any more but have scratched, bitten and hit myself recently, or I let DC2 bite me instead.

But the thing is, it's only one or two days in a fortnight and the rest of the time I'm fine. I've been assessed for PND/anxiety recently and am having counselling for anxiety and thought I was doing a lot better. I just don't understand how I can have a day like yesterday when I felt positively sunny (despite the rain!) and then one like today when I feel utterly wretched :( My counsellor wants to know why there are days like this and I just don't know. I don't think it can be PND, can it, when I'm fine 12 days out of 14? I just don't know what to do.

I wonder. About a few things.

1. Are you trying too hard on your good days and doing too much meaning you crash every now and then or

2. Are you having the 'normal' bad days we all tend to get as new mums but you haven't got the coping strategies to deal with it so you go back to SH because that's what you did when you lacked coping strategies as a kid.

Your post is too short to know and if your counsellor doesn't know then who am I, but I veer towards either 2) or a mix of both.

If I were you,I would make some sort of diary.
This is what i do with something that does not make sense
Start a list with all the things that you can think of,for now,that may possibly start it off.
eg,weather
medicines
overworked
had a row
etc etc etc
I then put question marks or put probably or unlikely etc by each one
you may think of other things as you go about the day.
Then each day,you may be able to rule some out or add other ideas or whatever.
I have found in the past with whatever,that sometimes whatever it is that is happening is because of two things combined.
Such as I feel cold and something has upset me which triggers whatever it is
Hope this helps.