Iam going to have a breakdown

[hadenoughofitall]

Completely fed up with everything and really really at my wits end.

major problems with a controlling,bullying family and in particular a manipulative, unkind sibling hell bent on destroying me.

4 dcs with health issues and too many hosp appts.i do not drive and struggle getting around to appts,school etc, iam exhausted and worn down,I detest myself and feel worthless, iam ashamed of how i look and its ruining things with dp.

I do not know how to get out of this, feel desperate.

It has taken courage to post on here like me for the first time tonight.

You are obviously having a really hard time at the moment other than family can you talk to friends or your dp ?

X

When I read your post I couldn't help but think you must be a very strong and capable person, you're doing so much and still coping.

Your family are so lucky to have you, I hope things improve for you soon.

dp has really had enough of it all, there have been problems with my family for years and no amount of talking is taking my pain away. The situation is just taking over and destroying everything.

Its so bad now that even everyday tasks overwhelm me i feel so miserable.I need to pick myself up but this timei just cant.

Exactly how desperate are you?

Suicidal?

Thinking of doing a runner?

Just want to curl up and for the whole damn lot of them to go away?

Wishing you had a different life and then feeling guilty because of DCs?

Please, please do admit to someone in RL, even The Samaritans, if you are feeling desperate - they are always there for you..or perhaps google mental health support telephone lines local to you.

Would it be possible for you to talk to DP about how you feel? Or even write him a letter (even though that might feel a bit wierd, it'sa fsntastic way of getting your thoughts down and not losing your train of thought, unlike a conversation)

I think a visit to a sympathetic GP would help too, it might be that some counselling would help you get things into more of a healthy perspective for you. Also have a look at the 'Living Life to the Full' website, which is by a NHS psychiatrist, and a really helpful place to start to think through some of your feelings about yourself, and how you cope, at this stressful time in your life.

Do you have a faith? Is there a ritual or prayer, or special piece of music that you can participate in or use just for ten minutes now, quietly, to calm yourself down and help?

I'm sure more posters will be along soon to reassure you that how you are feeling is really incredibly common in Mums and will have some good advice too.

You really are more precious than you are able to see at the moment x

No not suicidal but if I didn't wake up tomorrow it would be a release.even my own mother cannot love me, she made that obvious when on my sisters say so a few years ago me and 2 dcs were thrown out in night and locks changed. Things improved for a bit year or so after tht but its always been made very clear that only my sisteer matteers even down to the fact my mum will lave the house solely to her bypassing me and db completely.I don't want her house though or money its the fact she can put one child above the rest and always has done-effectively creating a monster-my sister is smug,manipulative and knows she can gt whatever sh wants.iam destroyed by this iam an adult and I feel like a lonely left out child .

No not suicidal but if I didn't wake up tomorrow it would be a release.even my own mother cannot love me, she made that obvious when on my sisters say so a few years ago me and 2 dcs were thrown out in night and locks changed. Things improved for a bit year or so after tht but its always been made very clear that only my sisteer matteers even down to the fact my mum will lave the house solely to her bypassing me and db completely.I don't want her house though or money its the fact she can put one child above the rest and always has done-effectively creating a monster-my sister is smug,manipulative and knows she can gt whatever sh wants.iam destroyed by this iam an adult and I feel like a lonely left out child .

Sorry spelling mistakes and double posting due to trying to use blackberry to post

Sorry spelling mistakes and double posting due to trying to use blackberry to post

Hello. Wrt your toxic family, go no contact. They are not worthy of your time. I did it ages ago and my life improved no end. Then make an appointment with your GP and talk it out with her. Write it all down just in case you forget/can't talk for whatever reason. Get a referral for counselling. You can do it.

In the mean time, trust us and we'll do our best to help.

I've been thinking about you and hoping that you are ok. Please ring you'd go,health visitor,samaritians, even just getting it off you'd chest may make you feel a little better. Are any of your children entitled to free childcare even for a morning or so a week so you can rest for a little. Is your partner helping enough?
I would ignore your mother and not have contact with her for a while, you don't need her knocking your self esteem all the time.
I wish you the best you sound amazing to me looking after your family,please ring someone.it is not a sign of failure you have an awful lot on your plate.

4 dcs with health issues.And loads of hospital appointments.That alone is enough for most people.
Can you get rl practical help with this.A gp should be able to point you in the right direction,and help with transport issues too.

I just think I've got to a point where its all too much.I've trid to help myself, for instance I arranged a nursery place 2 morns a wk for dd (2) so that I could do baby massage course with ds (7 wks) but my mum and sis made me feel bad-said I'm pushing dd out and that its a waste of money doing course etc-all I wanted was to get out,feel normal,chat to other people but now I feel like not bothering they wear me down and make me doubt every decision I make.I will def be going to see gp wed, am so so low

I just think I've got to a point where its all too much.I've trid to help myself, for instance I arranged a nursery place 2 morns a wk for dd (2) so that I could do baby massage course with ds (7 wks) but my mum and sis made me feel bad-said I'm pushing dd out and that its a waste of money doing course etc-all I wanted was to get out,feel normal,chat to other people but now I feel like not bothering they wear me down and make me doubt every decision I make.I will def be going to see gp wed, am so so low

Please stop contact with your mum and sister.you dontneed them telling you you've made a mistake . I think the baby massage is an excellent idea. Carry on doing it. Turn your phone off so you don't have to speak to them. Good luck at your gps.

hadenoughofitall - If you mother and sister have treated you so badly in the past that you have been thrown out of your mothers house with your 2 kids in tow and your mother is leaving her house to your sister, then why in gods name are you listening when they tell you that you shouldn't be putting your DD in nursery? Surely they have proved that they don't have you or your families welfare in mind. I don't think you should be taking any advice from them on how to live your life. Sounds like they are toxic and you should give yourself a bit of a break from them, work out what you want and what will make you and your family work better. Also, normally kids get a lot of enjoyment from going to nursery, making new friends and gaining some independence and it is good for mother to have a break once in a while.

You have my every sympathy. I have a brother from hell and decided long ago to ignore him totally. Perhaps one day he'll come looking for me - I'll decide then what to do but for now, I know that some of my friends are a hell of a lot more trustworthy, loving and worthy of friendship than he and his ghastly wife are.

So, take the advice here - please. Leave your family to their own devices for now. Listen to yourself - trust your instincts and do things for you and your kids regardless of what anyone else thinks. The baby massage sounds a great idea. Do it!

It's one step at a time, now - and you've described some first steps - nursery and the course. Way to go! Good luck and let's know how you get on.