how to stop yourself just running away?

[OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree]

Thats it really, when that consuming feeling hits and you stop functioning - some times i go on auto pilot, other days i just want to leave and run.

dont know where, i dont think i mean suicide, i just cant seem to get a handle on things at all

signed off work with depression & anxiety for ages, am failing at everything, im so so so tired and its getting worse not better, house over run with other people and i have NO control over things and keep being told "oh dear these things happen" when in reality some of these things shouldnt happen.

oh i dont know

and feeling totally alone in the world

not being able to be honest incase of hurting people or letting them down

and feeling like wanting to run rather than talk

Sorry you're feeling like this

Is there any way you could run away for just one night. Stay at a hotel or with friends just to get a break.

no not really, it doesnt help though does it - if its all in my head?

Do you want to talk about it?

Most things could be said to be "only in our heads" couldn't they?

i mean the things in my head - will be in my head, whether im here at home or hiding some where

except then id be worried about not being at home and if the children are ok

I see what you mean. We can't escape our minds.

Talking to someone might help. In RL or here.

I phoned my GP earlier and had a huge blub down the phone to him, poor bloke

i just feel totally lost, like im treading water

You did the right thing phoning your GP. Try the Samaritans also, that's what they're there for.

How do I be more open with family? Because I try but just end up making flippant jokes about mental health & sort of laugh it all off. Never actually take the plunge & sob it all out

Talking does help, but it doesn't have to be with your family. Talking to anyone is better than not talking at all.

Re "not being able to be honest incase of hurting people or letting them down": you have needs too. That's OK. We all do; it's part of being human. You don't just exist to look after other people.

At some times you need support from your family/friends, at other times they need support from you. It all evens out in the end. That's how it's meant to work - it can't be all one-way - you're not super-woman.

Choose one family member or friend who's sympathetic and tell them what's going on. If friends and family care about you then they probably already know that things aren't right, and they're probably worried about you and wanting to know what's wrong.

I agree with Toaster24 everyone needs help sometimes. Whoever you talk to now will need someone to talk to at some point.

Hope you feel better having spoken to your GP.

I feel very vulnerable though. Like a fraud if I have good days. If I open up to some one. Like my parents / partner - and then I laugh about some thing they think "oh she's ok she's better"

I feel consumed by it all. Situation won't get better. I can't take medication.

Feeling the same - just so very very tired, in a "stop the world I want to get off" way.
Are you trying to be too good? I am trying all the time, too "perfect" (awful word) Trying to be everything to everyone, just doing one more thing so the house/job/garden/self is somehow better and therefore more acceptable to everyone, more likeable, so that somehow everything will be ok - except we end up not ok anymore, like an orchestra conductor keeping it all going round us but going crazy at the centre of it all. Perfect is never achievable but I don't really know how to be just good enough. People say "be yourself" but if being yourself is being the person who tries too hard, how do you change?

Also not suicidal - just somehow would like to escape life for a while, to rest and be peaceful.

Do you think you are a very sensitive person? I am - people exhaust me sometimes - even family - and I need to recharge by being alone. That's just how I am. Do you feel better alone sometimes, or worse?
dh had problems ages ago - he used to walk up a big hill and just lie in the grass for hours. it helped him a bit. I haven't tried it myself, but it might help.

not meaning to sound like hijacking your post - but feeling similar and hope if either of us finds a way to ease off and let go of things a bit, we can share and hoping it will help

x

You don't need to be suicidal to be depressed.

Take the Beck Depression Inventory
www.fehb.org/CSE/CCSEConference2012/BeckDepressionInventory.pdf

and if you get a score over about 15 then you need to go and see your GP and get yourself some help.

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree - this is a good way of convincing yourself that you're not being 'a fraud' by having your own needs. The BDI is an objective measure.

Re drugs - if you don't want drugs, there are other options.

i score 39

OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree

39 is very severe depression. You need to talk to a doctor ASAP.

The good news is that they will be able to help you feel better. You need to be up-front with them about just how bad you really feel.

I've been where you are now and trust me, it does get better. You just need some help to get there.

I know this advice is unlikely to help, but I got talking to a friend of a friend on a really bad day, and it turned out she was bipolar and had just come through a massive depressive episode.

To be able to talk openly and frankly about suicide, self harm and depression was very very therapeutic. Talking to someone that understood because they'd been there, not because they'd read about it in a book or seen it on eastenders.

She's the one person I can really talk about this stuff with. I rarely talk to her about it, but just knowing that she'd understand makes me feel better.

Another thing that helped was to have a running away plan. So if it all got too much I would get the kids in the car, drop them off with DH at work and go somewhere. Haven't done it yet, but come close a few times.

toaster I have been seeing my gp for the last 12 or so weeks, but im PG and hes very reluctant to give me medication. I have been on citalopram before (2008) he has refered me to local mental health people but theyve not got back to me -

Oops, I did the Beck depression thingy and got a score of 51. I guess that's not good.

Ahh well, not dead yet.

By thinking about where I'd go, and who I'd be leaving behind. And realising that, tempting as it is, it wouldn't solve anything. Once I'd run away, how could I come back? But how could I not come back?

By making sure I get time to myself, and time with friends. (As well as time with DH and DC.)

By getting help, because I'm ill, not just 'a bit down'.

Good Luck.

I felt like running away when I had very severe postnatal depression.

Please, if you can, find the courage to go to your GP. They will take you seriously if you say just how bad you feel.

The thinking you will never get better and that things will never change is part of the illness. You have to take it on faith that things can get better, will get better.

You sound like you have really good insight into yourself - that is actually a really good thing and will help you get better quicker.

Your illness is real and you deserve sympathy, support and treatment in the same way as someone who has a physical illness like diabetes, heart disease or anything else.

12and3 -so so sorry that you are suffering the torment of anxiety and depression. Same here - still no fully recovered from severe episode 2 years ago and 3 mths on psych ward. I have good days and bad days and just as I think I've "climbed the hill" I go falling back down again. I think it's the nature of the beast for some of us, that recovery is not linear.

I just wanted to say that this thing about wanting to run away is exactly how I felt when at my worst. I didn't know where I was running to, and I used to imagine just running and running and curling up under a hedge and quietly dying. It's one of the deceitful things about this illness that makes us think illogical things, and makes us feel ashamed of having the illness (and trying to pretend we are ok) and believing we are worthless and hopeless. We wouldn't think any of these things with a physical illness.

You have obviously suffered in the past as you mention ADs in 2008 and from your score you sound severeky depressed. I thought there were ADs you could take while pregnant - pretty sure women on here have said this whilst they were pregnant.

Why are there so many people in your house - or are they people caring for the children because you are so ill some days, because if so, is it not a help to have people around. I am a grandmother and feel so sorry for you young mothers who have to cope with pregnancy and young children while having this awful illness. Yes you can suddenly have a good day or two can't you and then you feel a fraud, and people think you are better.

I honestly think that you are going to have to talk to someone about this illness and how awful it is and how it can change from day to day. Don't be afraid to cry (not in front of the children as they might be scared) but to let it out to someone you trust - does your DP/DH not realise what is happening. If so you must tell him, but people just don't understand the torment of this illness and it is only people who have suffered themselves can understand.

Never mind the GP being a "poor bloke" he should be getting more help for you,either in meds or crisis team coming in as often it is needed. I think you should phone him and ask when the CMHTeam are going to visit you, or get their number and phone them directly. It doesn't sound to me like your GP realises how badly you are feeling - he needs to get you help sooner rather than later. My CPN was a lifeline for me.

Toaster has good advice and my empathy goes out to all others onthe thread suffering this awful illness.

Oh there absolutely are ADs you can take in pregnancy. My good friend was/ is on 100 mg sertraline daily and is about to have second baby. First pregnancy also was medicated and her baby is fine.