Just feeling really really low

[EatsBrainsAndLeaves]

Have been feeling really low and anxious on and off since Jan. It started basically when the small company I work for nearly went under. Things have been rescued, but some people were made redundant, everyone else had their hours reduced but still lots of work.

Since then whenever I start to feel like I can cope and feeling a bit brighter, something small just knocks me back to square one. So my mum going in for another operation - nothing life threatening, but her health is very poor, a difficult day at work, a poster being nasty to me on MN.

Basically it takes so little to send me back to crying lots and struggling to cope. And I really don't know how to move on. I kept hoping with time things would get better. Not really sure why I am posting here, but thanks for listening

Sorry to hear life's difficult and getting you down. Many of us here find anti-depressants are useful, especially short-term, and most doctors are understanding these days. I take Berocca when feeling worse than normal, which I believe helps, but we're all different.
Hope you feel you can ask for help if life doesn't improve very soon.

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it. I guess I have been fighting the idea that I am depressed and instead thinking that it is just about what is happening at the time and in a few weeks/months things will feel much better.

The idea that it might be Depression was very scary for me as well... it also might not be that, it might just be that life has more of it's downs in recent times. Something like this might help you place how you've been feeling recently (this one says to only consider the past week, but typically people have you consider the past two weeks when assessing whether depression is relevant).

Poor you, sending hugs your way. Is there anyone you can talk to? My doctor has always been so helpful during my periods of depression, as has DH, but I know it's not always easy to admit these feelings to others - or to yourself...

Have you suffered with depression before eats?

Not all periods of feeling low are depression. Sometimes they are quite reasonable and understandable reactions to your situation. But then sometimes reasonable and understandable reactions become ingrained and even when the stimuli are removed the 'lowness' remains. or they can be a trigger for an underlying depression that may not have shown itself before. The crying and struggling to cope might be your reaction to constant stress and again, it will ease when life gets easier. But then again, it might not.

Sorry not to be more helpful .

Do you think these feelings are different from any you have experienced before? And how long do you think you can carry on this way hoping things will improve?

Problem is that ime GPs tend to see depression everywhere. And if you go chances are they will offer you ADs. But if your GP is good and you have a comfortable relationship with him/her, it would be a good idea to pay them a visit.

I have had depression before, but that was many years ago and looking back was totally because of the circumstances I was in. So once when DP was very ill and once when I was living with an emotionally abusive partner.

I had thought this time was also just because of circumstances and so have not visited my GP. Have just done the Goldberg thing and scored 39 - maybe I am depressed after all?

I talk to my DP a little bit and a few friends in RL know I am struggling, but it is hard to know what to say apart from that I am still struggling, because what I get anxious and upset about seems so minor.

So for example - please don't have a go at me for mentioning this, I am not up to it - a small number of posters had a go at me on chat and aibu. I left MN and then decided to come back and NC. A few days ago those posters worked out who I was i.e. my previous name and started sniping at me again. And I have been crying about that the last 2 days. How can I talk to friends about that? It sounds so pathetic. I feel ashamed and embarassed even typing it here.

I am also sleeping very little - 4-5 hours a night, which I know is not helping. And my DP is also very stressed. Basically DP was made redundant last year, but then got another job on the condition of achieving a particular qualification. The course started recently and is very badly taught, so DP is very stressed about achieving this and keeping the job.

I can't talk to my parents either. My mum is in hospital although due out today. But they have discovered other problems and she need a further operation soon. Its not life threatening stuff but I can hear the relief in her voice when she asks if I am okay and I lie and say yes. It feels like both her and my dad have enough to cope with.

You have a lot on your plate at the moment, with your mum, your job and Dps job.More than enough for anybody to cope with, and make you feel down.It may not be depression if you have had it before and you are not sure,but maybe you are near it.
Some people say that MN is not real life,but in emotional ways it is.I think or hope that your friends would understand that it is understandable to be upset.They might suggest that you not go on MN for a while.It might be an idea to stay away from aibu for a while.
If you like I could try and keep an eye on where you post if there are some posters being a bit nasty?I tend not to be on at all times, but I could keep a look out on the times I am on.

Can your dp tell his boss that the course is not being run well and is there somewhere else he can do it?

Thank you for your offer of looking out for me, I really appreciate it. I have already decided at the moment not to post in AIBU or Chat at the moment as I am really not up to it.

DP has a really poor temporary line manager (maternity cover) who is not interested in any issues or problems and whose basic attitude to anything is - what do you want me to do about it?

Maybe it is just issues in my life? A close friend killed herself 13 months ago and I found the 1st anniversary very hard, so that hasn't helped either.

That is something I have learnt from MN.
I have had a relativley easy life, so didnt fully appreciate the full extent of the impact of anniversaries.And if it was a close friend,and particularly because of the way it happened,that is going to be an especially difficult time.
I am always of the impression , that the best thing to do when there are lots of problems, is just to try and get through each day.Dont think or worry too much about tomorrow.Tomorrow is another day.
As regards sleeping, rest is almost as good as sleep.So, if your are not sleeping properly, just lie in the bed and rest.
I will try and look out for you.You have been a prolific poster,I may have a problem keeping up.

Yes maybe I have more to deal with than I am acknowledging? Another friends has bought the friends house who killed herself. I wish she hadn't. I helped her move house last night and it was hard going back in the house with the same carpets still down, etc.

In a way MN hasn't helped as like you a lot of my life has been really easy. So reading on here about the things some posters deal with, my issues seem eally small.

You do have a lot to deal with at the moment.
And I wouldnt like to have gone into that house either.

Dont want to out myself so I will be careful what I say
I know someone who lost a relative in the same way, and carried on staying in the same house.And her life moved on very quickly,and she is still there.
I certainly couldnt do it.

I had been in the house soon after she had died, but not since. And all I couldthink about was her and wishing she hadn't killed herself. It is so sad that she felt the need to do that.

I agree.Close friends are precious.Horrible that she died in this way.How is your other friend who moved into the house,dealing with it?

She seems fine with it, which really surprises me. She seemed a bit guilty about not keeping the garden up to the same high standards as our friend who had died, but doesn't seem to have any issue with living there at all.

I never cease to be amazed how different people are, not in a bad way, just different.
You could ask her what her thought process is about her friend,how she is coping, what she is feeling,it might help you in some way.
And how is your mother today now she is out of hospital?

The friend L who bought the house was very very upset when our friend killed herself. But she wasn't actually that close to her and didn't see her that often, so I think that has helped her to get over it more quickly. I did tell her was apprehensive about going into the house before I did and she seemed surprised.

I used to see my friend at least once a week and I have only recently stopped feeling guilty that she didn't feel able to reach out to me. I had no idea how she was obviously feeling, although she had talked to me about her problems in the past.

My mother is glad to be out of hospital thanks, but very weak. She is very petite anyway and has lost a lot of weight so that doesn't help. But she will get better I know. Once she has recovered she has to go back in for another operation.

I have a relative whose best friend did what your friend did.And she didnt know it was coming either.It doesnt sound like either of you would have been able to stop it happening.
Sounds like your mum can eat some treats for a while!Glad she is ok.

Thanks. No I don't think I could have stopped it happening, but still I felt guilty for a long time. My mum is down to 6 stone, so yes she has a lot of eating to do!