Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

Original poster

not a happy day

14 replies

MrsMuddyPuddles · 21/05/2012 21:53

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Cunting depression. I seemed to have moved from scratching myself as punishment/because I hurt to using scissors for no fucking reason at all. and I can't even do that jeffing right, and barely broke the skin . Spent most of the day in bed because I have the dubious luxury of being signed off work, and DH kindly took DD to the childminder, but managed to shower at 430, and mostly so I could wash my new piercing and make dinner DH asked me to and I didn't want to let him down

I'm pretty damn sure that if I was at work I'd be staring at the computer screen and/or faffing off on here again but at least I'd be honest in my "general admin" time for a change... shortly before getting diagnosed I giggled to myself about "what if" if justified my non-chargable time accurately... so instead of saying "tidied desk" for a few hours, the accurate description would read "sat on mumsnet to try and avoid thinking of throwing myself off the balcony"... I'd probably be spending all day doing fuck all but at least I'd be around people and balconies, wonder how many would get a day off after watching me fall/having to clean up the mess? and have a reason to get out of the jeffing bed. As it is, I feel fucking worse for being off. WTF.

OP posts:

Arana · 22/05/2012 09:34

Hey MMP, sorry I didn't see this thread earlier. Sorry you're having such a shit time of it. Your days sounds very much like mine, only I'm sat at work, and have to go into the shower room to cut myself

I wish I could say something more helpful, but I'm still down here I'm the same pit of misery as you. At least we've got company eh!

I'm on Oz time, but if you ever want to chat just send me a pm.

alypaly · 22/05/2012 13:57

hi mrsmuddypuddles. i can totally sympathise, with everything you are saying.
Are you signed off work.
Ditto. so am i, since last friday. i found i was staring at my computer screen and nothing was going in. i felt confused and really weepy. i then felt as if i was loosing my mind because i couldnt function properly. To the degree that i couldnt make a cup of tea without it being a massive effort. everything is so jumbled in my head and im normally so organised.

i have felt suicidal this week as i see no escape from this tinnitus that has started and it is literally driving me insane. I have got CBT tomorrow but i am so cynical about it. how will it help my hearing get back to normal? Wonder if i will ever feel normal again. i almost feel as if i have had a stroke and i too feel like lying in bed all day( but i cant sleep becos of the noise). This is my second breakdown. my first was 23 years ago and i never thought it would happen again.

Hi Arana if it helps us all to talk, then feel free. I havent reached the stage of self harming (but i did when i was a teenager)and hopefully i can find the strength to pull myself through again. Does anyone want to share why they feel like this, however dodgy that feels?

Original poster

MrsMuddyPuddles · 22/05/2012 16:17

Thanks, ladies. I am feeling better at the moment (was strongly encouraged by several people I care about to go out and exercise in the sunshine, which seems to have helped, though I was in a FOUL mood beforehand). I can only hope that you are similarily perking up.

alypaly I am so sorry to hear about the tinnitus. Are you on your way to finding a cause for it? what blue adjective shall we use for it? I am indeed signed off work, have just started week 3 of what was initially 2--

Sorry to have thrown a tantrum last night

OP posts:

amillionyears · 24/05/2012 16:34

MrsMuddyPuddles, glad you are perking up
alypaly,dont know what CBT is, but I do know a very little about tinnitus.
I had it for 4 months this year with a blocked eustachian tube.Thankfuly gone now.
How long have you had it, is it long term.
I could talk about my tinnitus, but probably yours isnt the same as mine?
Hope the CBT went well.

alypaly · 27/05/2012 12:21

hi amillionyears. i have had it for 7 weeks since i went scuba diving and it is a constant high pitched whistling noise and it is literally pushing me over the edge. they have told me there is no cure as it is caused by trauma to the the inner ear when i went diving to 60 feet. yes i know it is my fault ........and i take full responsibility but i didnt ask for this to happen . i was full of life and vitality before this happened and now i feel like a vegetable, literally.

amillionyears · 27/05/2012 12:30

oh my word, alypaly,I am so sorry for you.
My DH started diving and had to stop as it kept temporarily affecting his ears,it is not your fault that this has happened.
There are sometimes tinnitus groups,it may help to join one?
With my tinnitus,I found it helped to keep my ears warm.Especially at night.So hats, sleeping on hot water bottles,not glamourous I know.
You might some useful tips trawling through the mumsnet search, as the subject has been discussed occasionally on here over the last few years.
Or even gransnet as they discuss health quite a lot.

amillionyears · 27/05/2012 12:32

I was also prescribed Nasobec Aqueous which helped, and told to regularly pinch my nose and pop my ears,not sure if that is applicable in your case.

alypaly · 28/05/2012 17:40

no the nasal spray was useless as it isnt caused by catarrh. its trauma through the dive. today i feel crap as i feel my memory is going.

amillionyears · 28/05/2012 17:52

So so sorry.Are you religious.A vicar may be able to help you?

alypaly · 28/05/2012 18:03

im not at all religious. sorry!!! i am wondering if anyone can at the moment or is that wallowing. i have never felt so desperate and alone. what happened with your DH ears.

amillionyears · 28/05/2012 18:38

DH ears cleared up.I think he must have got something from the GP.Cant remember much now,it was about 10 years ago.No problems with them since.I could ask him but I doubt he will remember.I could get him to ask the GP to look at his records,if that sort of thing is done.

Not wallowing at all.You need help.Seriously,I think somethings can get to the point of what have you got to lose.I would see a vicar,whether you are religious or not.They are there for all people.

alypaly · 29/05/2012 00:16

oh thanks but you dont need to go to that trouble as it sounds like your DH was due to catarrh. there is no cure for real tinnitus, so i have been told =(

amillionyears · 29/05/2012 07:21

Spoken to DH.Agreed, he didnt have the problem that you have.
I have heard also that there is no cure for real tinnitus,hence the reference to a higher power.
Good Luck.

Original poster

MrsMuddyPuddles · 29/05/2012 14:20

Are you under specialist care for the inner ear trauma, or was it just the GP who said there's no cure? I'm not an expert, I'm just worried that you've been fobbed off :( Even it it was an ENT specialist, there should be someone available to help you manage it so it doesn't drive you over the edge! Are you in touch with the Action on Hearing Loss people? Then at least you will be able to connect with other sufferers...

OP posts:

Flip