What's the right thing to do here? Major job interview, increase in OCD symptoms..

[InterviewMAD]

I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant and I have been doing tremendous work with my OCD to keep off meds in pregnancy. I didn't have OCD before I was pregnant last time but I have had it between and probably "have" it now if you know what I mean. I have been doing CBT and Mindfulness Meditation (two sessions a week - exhausting!) all pregnancy.

Anyway, since 30 weeks or so things have been calmer and I have seen the difference. My mood has lifted a lot and the secondary depression is gone really, I am back cooking again and though I have still been having some intrusive thoughts, my anxiety had gone down a lot in relation to them.

I have an interview next week, though... got the notification for it last Monday. It is a job I have wanted for YEARS and this is likely to be my best chance... BUT since I got it there's been a marked increase in my OCD behaviour.. the thoughts are ramping up, particularly of stillbirth, cord prolapse and placental abruption and more general thoughts of doom and disaster. I am not managing to delay time between these thoughts and compulsive reassurance seeking/spending hours ruminating and checking online as effectively.. today I noticed some contamination fears creeping in too, I am sitting here trying not to wash my hands because I saw a toad in the garden and I know there's some sort of toxoplasmosis link to reptiles... I didn't touch him though!

I feel I have to go for this job interview, that if I don't I will always regret it.. but I am concerned I am so close to delivery and this stress isn't good for me or the baby and I feel a bit selfish and irresponsible about risking my mental health for this interview.. and then that triggers all sorts of negative emotions about my self-worth because I feel weak and pathetic and unable to stand up to it. Mind you, some of this is sort of part of the obsession as I recognise that a lot of these thoughts are sort of more obsessive than what I really think as rationally I am confident that this isn't the case.

What's the best thing to do? I want to retreat into a shell and just divert my obsessions into researching for this interview but I have a toddler to think about and it makes me anxious as I keep compulsively checking and rechecking what I've read, and the application form to make sure I haven't left anything out so I know that's not the answer.. and part of me is sticking my head in the sand about birth and not preparing the hospital bag and all of that... just a bit of a mess really.

Wish I had taken the meds when I was offered them! Definitely taking as soon as this baby comes out!

sorry for the hard time you are having.
i am not an expert but if it helps;
-is it possible to change the interview date?
-if not, go to the interview, dont be indecisive about it. check your forms once and last time and put them away, you are human, you cant control everything.
put this subject away till the interview day and forget about it.
-then concentrate on your baby and your preparations.
you are only human, humans can make mistakes, we cant control everything and sometimes mistakes can have good results for us.
this is the time to enjoy your last part of your pregnancy, soon you will have your lovely baby in your arms :)
wish you all the best.

How are feeling this morning?

I'm not an expert either, but I would say it's relatively normal to be anxious about all the things that can go wrong when you have to give birth. The same goes for job interviews being notoriously stressful, there aren't many people who don't get anxious when they know one's coming up.

But both together and maybe with a good dose of hormones, and no wonder it's all going round and round in your head. Neither of them are things you can have any control over right this minute, so perhaps you're trying to get some immediate control over how you feel about them with your checking? So you know you've done everything you can to make them OK?

I don't know how accurate this is, but I thought the mums emotional state has been shown to not to have an significant effect on the baby, so it's not a cut and dried thing that you're passing your anxiety onto your baby.

I find it helpful to tell myself that the rituals and obsessions will have no influence whatsoever over what's going to happen in the world around me, I (unfortunately ) don't have that power.

Don't be so hard on yourself! These are legitimate things to be concerned with, I want to say everything will be alright, but I know you'd just come up with 100 reasons why I'm wrong it will be OK though