Feel like I'm living a lie

[MyFriendPat]

I am so sorry to post this here, but I have no-one that I can talk to. No-one.

I hate feeling like this. I hate being this person. I am so vile on the inside and I spend most of my time acting the way I think a good person behaves. I smile and chat, then get home and cry. I truly hate myself. And I am so scared that one day my children will realise what a piece of shit I am and they will hate me too.

I'm sorry for making you read this self-pitying crap. I just wanted to write it down.

I'm deregistering now. Not flouncing! Just a sudden insight into how pathetic I am being, pouring out my heart to strangers. Mumsnet is a wonderful place, but I have made a mistake posting this.

hey don't go! You are not pathetic talking to strangers! Sometimes it's the first step to working out what's wrong. Talk to us some more. What has happened to make you hate yourself so? If you are capable of "acting like a good person behaves" then you already care that people around you are treated properly. If you were really a bad person, you wouldn't care. Have you thought about seeing your GP?

Don't run, give us a chance to talk back. I think you'd be surprised how many of us feel like that at times or have felt like that in the past.

or in the not-so-distant past two weeks and two days ago. possibly even sooner, if I were to think about it too hard