In pieces, don't know where to turn, anyone there?

[AugustMoon]

I think I'm having a breakdown. I lost a baby 35 weeks pg last year. 28 weeks pg now. H gone away, aboad on business, and not called all day - I called him this evening but he refused to speak to me - I guess because I was angry he hadn't called and was asking questions like 'where have you been, who are you with' that he didn't like me asking because he's a self-righteous prick, he was drunk and, well long story. Fact is I don't know what to do - I can't sleep, want to scream, sobbing my eyes out and just feel utterly alone.

Bump

Thank u

I told him I want a divorce and now I think I have to follow it through. I'm just so tired of having to 'beg' him to give a shit. It's been the same for 10 years. Like he doesn't think he should be answerable to anyone. He says all the right things, when he left he said his last mtg would be 5:30 and then he'd call me from the hotel. It got to 8:30 and I'd heard nothing so I call him (nagging wife - I don't want to be that person) and he just hangs up when I start asking why he hasnt called. Fact is I'm a nervous wreck because I'm pg, the dog's been shitting in the house all day,2 DS ith clubs after school / this evening and I just wanted someone to talk to.

I do have a Doppler yes. Baby's wriggling around - thank heavens. But panicking he's feeling my stress

I just can't top crying and when you get that everything comes crashing down feeling. Ok, I'm going to get the Doppler out. Have some water. I ate well today

And yes, I am fucking angry that he's staying in a posh hotel and going out for posh dinners with female clients who don't look like beached whales and can walk upstairs without getting out of breath and who don't burst into tears at everything from britain's got talent to the dog's trust advert. I feel like I've been pg forever and there should be a 9 month old baby, I can't get over that and I just don't know even who I am anymore so why should he remember that this isn't me? That I used to be a proper person and now I'm just ruined and defined by something I would give anything to change.
Last rant. Sigh.

:)

You are a proper person and you are not defined by what has happened. You are full to the brim of hormones.

My dh travels a lot for work leaving me completely alone as we emigrated. When the phone rings here during the day, I KNOW it's a wrong number.

I get a bit when my dh goes away too as he stays in hotels on Sydney Harbour and goes out for dinner with people with lives, while I am watching shit tv eating weetabix.

savoy Just saw your post. at eating weatabix. The bastards.

You deserve a lot of patience and support for what you are going through right now. I nearly lost my ds soon after birth and that was traumatising enough. I can't imagine what you went through then or now, but it must be tough being pregnant at this stage.

Some research has been done on stress hormones and babies in uterus but the results were inconclusive. It certainly doesn't seem to be true that babies get really stressed when mums do.

It must be hard for you and dh being apart. He lost his baby too last year and will be worrying and still grieving, jsut dealing with it in a different way. Factor in him not calling you and you being hormonal and it's not going to be easy.

Try not to over-read the situation and seek some support from a good friend or mum/sister.

No words of wisdom but I'll hold your hand a offer a