Freaky feelings

[FloweryRuna]

Hello,

Can someone tell what this is please, whether it's a mental illness or something else? I haven't spoken to the GP.

Since giving birth 6 years ago, to my first child, I've not been right. I won't go into al the details ut atm this is how I am. I feel ugly and would like to cover up but I'm not even a muslim woman. I often wear hoods and hats to hide my face. I don't like being looked at. I've completely been off sex for 5 years and don't believe I'll ever do it again. I can't stand my LO's dad anymore. I find him unattractive and the idea of sex with him makes me v sick. He rmeinds me of my dad!

I don't see myself as a woman anymore. I look like Frankenstein's Bride, and hate being photographed.

I don't know enjoy life anymore. My former CPN told me that my illness will come ack if I have another kid. I don't want anymore kids because of that, also the pregnancy and birth has put me off wanting to go through it again. I don't feel human as I've nothing in common with other people. I don't share the same interests with other mums. They've got more than one child and I wonder how they do this because I couldn't. I don't think my LO's dad fancies me anyway. He sees me as a "baby". I wish I was dead.

Can someone say what's wrong? btw I've been to see a councellor and therapist, none helped. The only help I get is from taking anti-depressants.

Are there any books, messages, ect? from people who know how I feel?

I went on another mums site and spoke to people. No one gave me an advice and some were quite nasty because I don't have sex.

I have no idea, sorry, but it's clear you are ill and you are very unhappy. That's really sad, please ask for help - can you talk to your former con? Be totally honest. This should not be making you miserable, especially when you have a baby. Take care x

I said baby, just realised your baby is 6! Please do not allow this to spoil more of your life

Bump

Ok so its seems fair to say your really not happy with yourself. Your self-esteem is so low, you sound like you dont feel your worthwhile or special.

Sex is not the be all and end all. If you don't like people looking at you its understandable that your not feeling sexual desire because you dont feel like your attractive or worthwhile. No person should have sex because they feel like they should!

I however see someone very different. I see someone who has an amazing lady who grew a beautiful child inside her and whos amazing body gave the world and you the gift of a little person to treasure. I think you are worth being loved and you are beautiful and im sure your child loves their mummy very much. Their is always hope even when their seems to be none! Speak to someone about it dont hide away any longer.

How did you feel about sex before having your child? How did your partner? Has he changed from the person he was before you made a child together (eg is there something different in HIM that has put you off, or is it all a difference in yourself?)

Counceling and therapy are incredibly individual, and it depends on you getting on with the councellor, so it could be that these WOULD work for you, if you were offered the right person. What type(s) have you tried, do you remember? Was it just individual one-on-one councelling, or group, or couples with your child's father (DP?) or something else? Have you seen a psychairist, or just your GP for meds? (you do mention a CPN) Are you still on meds now?

Hi,

I just came back. Thanks you for the lovely messages.
I'll answer Mrsmuddypuddles' questions to me so that I'm making sense.

"How did you feel about sex before having your child?" I used to be okay about sex. I had confidence and no issues. I had a regular sex life too. Before I met LO's dad, I was with someone else and it wasn't far.

"How did your partner?" He used to be passionate in bed. Just before I had the LO, he went off me. I remember him saying it was my off putting behaviour. I was less quiet than I am now. During pregnancy he refused to touch me and since then. He kept saying he doesn't trust contraceptives and doesn't want anymore kids. I found him flirting with some woman online. I also think he's been having it off with a female colleague but he won't touch me with a barge pole. He was quite unfriendly towards me. He never looked after me when I was ill and kept saying he shouldn't have met me, I'm a useless mum and he hated the mad house he's in. That was a few years ago. I've just stopped liking him after that. It was a phase he went through because he isn't horrible like that now but he is still distant.

I was offered NHS councelling with the only person who comes here. She didn't like me. I wanted to seek councelling with MIND ut my LO's dad said no. He turned down an offer for free relate councelling when I was ill so we didn't seek that help. I can't afford to go private. I'm taking Citalopram anti depressants.

:( It sounds like you have been through a LOT over the past 6-7 years! :(

I'm sorry to hear that your "D"P totally refused the free relate councelling, though if you're still on anti-depressants, maybe you could still go there on your own? Why would you need his permission to seek councelling with MIND?

I am not 100% certain what to suggest, but talking about this with your GP (especially including your "D"P's attitude towards all this- he sounds like a total arse!) would be a good start. You also might want to have a chat on the relationships board here, as quite frankly, it sounds like your "D"P has had a seriously negative impact on how you view yourself.