PND?

[coocooboohoo]

New name as regular poster on MN. Just wondering how you tell the difference between PND and just being mardy?! I feel like I have lost my sense of humour a lot of the time and find it difficult to look forward to anything atm (a couple of examples of how I feel - many many more but short on time). I am in the military and have been back at work for nearly 3 months, DC is 9mo and fine, fit, healthy and gorgeous. But I find motherhood overwhelming.....and I feel quite bleak. I work in a male dominated environment and I'm not sure how the medical officers would deal with my enquiry/chat if I were to make an appointment. I feel weak and have not discussed the with anyone in rl. Not sure where to start. As a very brief back story I grew up without a mum as she left when I was tiny, family close by (dad/stepmum and all in-laws), DH is very supportive with baby but not sure how emotionally supportive he would be if I were to discuss this with him. I feel lots of love towards my baby, but find it really really hard work. Changing a nappy is like restling a lion etc (he will not lie still for even a second like other babies I know!!).
Any tips? I know I need to talk to someone but as I said I'm not sure what to do first.

Can't offer any constructive help really....didn't want to read and run. Sure some wise munsnetter will be along shorlty to offer some advice. Good luck chuck.

From what you write I don't pick up many PND signals. It sounds like you have quite a tough life, being back in the military so soon after the birth and not having been parented properly yourself.

You might benefit from counselling, and from discussing with a professional whether what you are feeling is PND (because I'm not a professional, and I only have what you wrote to go by).

Thank you all. I mainly feel overwhelmed, tired and generally close to tears most of the time. Ds woke once last night at 1030 pm and I cried in his nursery because I didn't know what he wanted really!!! Except me there to cuddle him etc. I'm a little confused I think and need to talk to a professional. Spoke to dh and he said I should take some time out and get my hair done?!?! Think that was supposed to be helpful - when what I actually heard was "you look knackered and your hair is a mess!!" I guess no matter what he said I'd have heard what I wanted!! He prob can't win at the mo!!

Quite often a 9mo does indeed just want your cuddles and company. If you're 9mo and awake in your cot it's a big world and boring so you call for company. If you're tired and not sure what to do and he doesn't need an extra feed because he's growing so fast, take him to bed with you so he gets his cuddles and you get to snooze. Then when he's fast asleep again you can always pop him back in his cot.

Hi,
It's hard to know if your doing a a good job sometimes and little ones are very challenging, you feel tired and stressed and not always sure your doing the right thing. I have two chidren (1 and 4) and have had many days like that. You just have to try your best and still try to find time for you ie girlie time..... cinema, meal, nights out etc.

I can't tell you if you've got PND but I can tell you that I have come home from the doctors today with anti-depressants. It's taken me some time to realise (rather admit and accept I needed help).

I have gotten so bad I feel panic in my heart all the time, chest pains, constant headache, crying at work and home, wanting to go to bed at 7pm, not wanting to shop for food or clean the house. I don't want to be around my husband or my children. Yesturday was the last straw when I cried for 15 minutes telling myself to get a grip before collecting my children from nursery.

I'm not tying to get sympathy or play the poor me card. I am just trying to explain that I truly feel different to the the normal 'I need a break' or 'little one/s being a pain'. Only you know how much things are affecting you, my advice would be to go and talk it through with a doctor. I'm sure your medical officers will be sympathetic there are many depression/ mental health issues in being in the miltary (my dad was a submariner and we lived on lots of bases). Just don't blame yourself and think your failing like I did. I was trying to work 30 hours, study at uni and look after my family. I thought others can do it why can't I?

I hope you get the help/answers you seek :)

Are you familiar with the Edinburgh test for PND? There are online quizzes that use this, eg this one that you could take to help you decide whether to seek out further help for this issue.

ps- how backwards are the medical officers with respect to mental health? Do they accept that it's just one of those things, like diabetes or a heart condition, or will turning up with concerns give you a black mark?

That is my worry. I know a girl in the army who as soon as she said the word depression she was signed off for a year. To be fair I think her case was quite sever. I am going to have a look at one of those tests though. I have got an appointment booked with a female medical officer at 3.30 so I amay mention it there. I have good days and bad. today is good.....so far!

Just done the test and I got a 12....anything over 10 needs to looked into.

un-mumsnetty hugs!

Signed off for a year isn't necessarily bad though, it's how the army treated her during that year and when it was up that counts. You don't say, and may not know, what was going on with her... some people are very good at hiding things until the dissease is quite entrenched. me getting signed off for 2 weeks was quite a surprise to most of my coworkers. Dunno that these 2 weeks will be enough, either

I don't know how much time you have between now and your apointment, but MIND's website has some info on the legalities, there may also be military-specific mental health support places (including info on how to avoid discrimination). Also, mentioning your fears might help her be more supportive.