Panic and Anxiety

[revo]

For the past month I've had steadily increasing anxiety. It's got to the point where I wake up panicking in the night and I don't know why or how to handle it at all. The thought of speaking to my gp makes me so anxious i can't imagine i'd be able to speak. I'm supposed to be at work but I'm stuck, I can't do it.

How have people got themselves back to normal?

Alot of people get back to normal. As you may have seen by other posts I am off work with depression and anxiety. My anxiety has decreased and being off work makes it managable.

I have found, and you maybe different, that stress is the main trigger for me. I have therefore worked out (and it has taken me 6mths to so this!) what I can control or alter and have gone through a process of trial and error as to what sets me off.

I began by not even managing to eat, drink or wash. I had to be told to get in the shower to wash my hair to dry myself etc etc. I couldn't be on my own, I couldnt talk to people, I couldn't sleep. I think this maybe classed as a breakdown but im still not certain.

I therefore surrounded myself with good friends, talked to people, went to see my doctor, reduced my work hours but then found that didn't work so had a month off. I got counselling. Everytime I go downhill I phone someone or talk to someone. Yesterday I was pretending to clean out the inside of my car while really I was sat in the car on the phone to my dad in tears.

Could you manage to make an appointment with your dr? if not do you have someone who maybe would do this for you? Go with a letter or your problem written down and seek support from anyone you can get it from because you know that you want to get back to normal and you seem to recognise that maybe you need help to do it. Their are methods of controling panic and anxiety, they sometimes work sometimes they don't but firstly you need to think about what is going on for you and why this is happening. It maybe a mixture of very small things.

Thank you for answering. What you've been going through sounds really hard, I'm glad you're getting help. I don't know how to explain it to anyone, my overwhelming feeling is of complete foolishness. I feel quite ashamed but I don't know why, as if i'm doing this to myself and should just be able to stop it. I just feel dread all the time, as if something terrible is happening but I don't know what. I think that it's been triggered by illness and stress but even though i'm physically better, i'm getting worse in how i feel. I just wish it would go away. I'm scared of talking to gp and having him roll his eyes or something.

It has been extremely hard but its not impossible. What your describing sounds like its stress thats compounding it. Your not foolish at all its just your nervous system is frazzled and needs to repair.

Mine felt a bit like when your small and you get told off and have that terrible dread in the pit of your stomach. The churning and worry and fear. Like you've done something silly when actually all id done is try hard to do too much and ignore it.

Your fear of the Dr is simply a symptom of your struggle. I suspect they would recognise it as anxiety brought on by stress and exhaustion. You can begin to manage the panic with numerous techniques (google it). It becomes very difficult as you end up fearing the fear which again doesn't help the situation. It knocks your confidence and basically you need some time out to rebuild and repair!

Your not being foolish or silly as your recognising the problem and you know you need help. Thats actually very brave of you. You are not well and when your not well you go to the doctors to see if they can help. Please try!

Thank you. I just tried to get an appointment - there's nothing until next week and I couldn't even think that far ahead so said i'd call back. I've got so much on at work and I can't think straight.

The way you described it is exactly right - the churning and worry and fear. It just seems to have taken over everything and now it's like a physical pain.

Well done you! That must have been very difficult but calling is the right thing!

Believe me I understand, your not going mad, nothing bad is going to happen your just burnt out. The fact you cant think and your in a daze at work must tell you something. One thing I found really helpful was the what if someone came along and said...you dont have to go to work etc etc...How does it make you feel?

If you feel the pressure go down even slightly then its something you must consider doing! You will make yourself very very poorly if you dont address this now and its simply not worth it. Control what you can and stop pushing yourself so hard. I give you permission to be kind to you and give yourself a break. Your doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.

It might have been well done if i'd actually managed to make an appointment. I'll try again. I can't really imagine next week I'm so trapped in my own head.

I just can't take any more time off work, I would like to, but it piles up and makes it more stressful as i'm the one who would have to pick up the pieces when i go back so i'd probably spend the time off just freaking out.

Ok so you didn't get an appointment. So what, you tried but their weren't any. If time off work is not possible make your time at home really count. Relax, insist on a stress free bubble. Go for a walk, talk and laugh with friends. Remember all the good things about life and distract yourself from your body.

If you feel the anxiety come remind yourself that your ok, its just a feeling and it will pass. Concentrate on your breathing and remember it takes practice so dont give up.

Eat well, go to bed early and try not to drink, caffine or alcohol, these can make the feelings worse!

My home life is so taken up with children and other responsibilities i don't feel like I have a moment to myself or to spend time with friends. Maybe that's part of the problem. And I'm not being very nice to my children as i feel so hypersensitive to everything - every noise and demand feels like being hit over the head. I have scared myself by imagining ways of escaping and running away / not being here anymore.

Thank you for taking the time to respond cupcake x

Thank you for thanking me, but isnt that what mumsnet is for?! So work makes you feel dazed and you cant see one day from the next and when you get home your family invade your already overly busy head! Revo its no wonder your burnt out and feeling like you are. When was the last time you had some 'me time'?

Im sorry to burst your bubble but your only human. You really need to begin and set up some time for you before you pop

I have been off work 5 months with anxiety. I started off trying to keep going in to work, and was really concerned that it would be piling up, just like you are. Eventually I felt so ill, I stopped trying. Work survived and is still there. I will go back when I feel better.

I think you need to get someone else to phone docs for an emergency appointment. Take someone with you, or write it down. Even if you can't say anything at the appointment and just start crying the doctor will know something is wrong. Being scared of going to the doctors is the anxiety talking, I know how horrible it is.

Every noise and demand is exhausting, as you are in a state of arousal and these just take you over the edge. Judging by your posts, I think you initially need an acute short term solution like diazapam until something else is sorted.

Anxiety is the pits. I hope you find the courage to go to the docs. Thinking of you x

5 months sounds like a really long time to feel so bad. Is there anything that's helped you? Do you plan to go back? How are you coping?

I would lose my job I'm sure, it wouldn't still be there, and I can't afford to be on sick pay or no pay. Money is just one of the stresses but a big one.

I also think you're right and that I can't keep on going like this - I just don't feel like there's a choice and it's terrifying feeling like i'm heading for something bad. There must be a choice though. I go all cold and panicky just thinking about the gp. I have hospital appointments for a different medical condition coming up and i wonder if they can help me as I feel that being so ill has triggered this.

Let's unpick the fear of the doctor thing first. I think that is your first step to real help. What exactly are you scared of? Or are you just scared of being scared?(entirely possible!) Or don't you know what you're scared of?

Try and write down a list of what you are scared of. Then think about the worst things that could happen because of your separate fears.

Eg: I am scared of looking foolish. What would happen? The doctor wouldn't think I was being foolish, even if they did they are obliged to help me. Nothing would happen to me if I felt foolish, or I may feel a bit crappy but it woul go.

Relaxation tapes can help, as can distraction. If yours is based around overload, will dh take some pressure off you? Could you hire a cleaner? How old are your DC? When I was ill in the past, HV managed to find someone to look after dd 2 mornings a week, whilst I went and sat in bedroom and did nothing

When it comes to the dr, I'm scared of losing control and not being able to speak. I've seen the doctor so much over the past few months about being ill and I feel embarrassed / guilty for taking up so much time. i feel that he'd think i was wasting his time, or he'd be annoyed or irritated or impatient. I feel exposed and stupid.

The rest of the time, I don't know what i'm scared of, it's just fear, as if something is about to happen, or has already happened, it's such a physical feeling of pain in my chest and head and shaking / palpatiations. I don't understand it and so i'm scared of the symptoms.

My relationship isn't in the best place at the moment. Yet another stress factor. My children are little, childcare is a balancing act and I'm juggling so many things that I think they're all going to come crashing down. I feel this may all be simply because i'm not capable and that will power should get me through, but that's been failing for a while now and I need some help. I just don't know what would help.

It's helpful to talk about this here, it's kind of a relief.

Ah ha, but doctors are trained to recognise this. If you go in and present with anxiety, I don't think he will be suprised at all. I don't know your meical history, but lots of small niggly things would be indicative of anxiety, and repeated visits to doctors are kind of like bat squeaks. Testing out so to speak. Doctors see lots of us at our most vulnerable, so need to feel exposed or stupid.
The fear is anxiety which will fasten itself onto anything. Could you perhaps see over that and realise that nothing bad will actually happen?

Try speaking to HV if you can't speak to oc. They can help and support too. Is there anythingthat could go? Less hours at work?

The dr visits have been for a recent illness which meant emergency hospital stay and frightening time - I still feel a bit traumatised by it. He was good and has been the one pushing for ongoing appointments to make sure things are improving. Its just getting better and so it feels embarrassing to suddenly spring this on him on top, as if I'm wanting to keep being seen, when actually I hate it. That's why it makes me feel exposed maybe. The illness is concrete and obvious, the anxiety is in my head. There's obvious treatment for the illness, it's straight forward and in time will go, but the anxiety feels so complicated and messy.

But surely the illness especially if it was traumatic has helped cause the anxiety? I don't think the doctor would be at all suprised to see you in the context of what you have been through.

Is he/she a nice doctor? Could you write it all down and give a letter to the surgery rather than facing the doctor, saying why you can't come in? Then the doctor could contact you.

Have you anyone who could go with you? I think you MUST find a way t do this, as the most important step to getting better.

xx

Yes I think it did, but I don't suppose it's usual to react like this, especially as it's kicking in since getting physically better. Dr is nice but a gruff old man, kind of old fashioned, not someone I can imagine talking to about any of it.

I would have thought when you were getting physically better was exactly when it have kicked in. Initially you were just dealing with the illness, but then as physical symptoms started to recede, you start to think about things more. Also if it was traumatic you may have mild ptsd.

Is there someone else you could see at the surgery? I have also found gruff but nice doctors can be very good with emotional disorders.

The more I think about this, itseems that you may have mild ptsd,as well as other anxiety issues. Please please please make the first step to see him

Just wondered how you were going on and if you have made it to doctor. You must see him to access some CBT. i have just had first few sessions and it is mind blowing.

Hope you havehad some success x

No but I did talk to a friend about it today - first time, and it was easier than I thought, and made more sense that it has in my head if you know what I mean. She also thought I should call GP. I still have dread about doing that but I realise that I do need to. I like your idea about writing it down, I might do that, even if i don't give it to him.