DH doesn't understand my anxiety/PND

[Belleflowers]

So, I am SAHM, have 2 little DC's, youngest is 3.

Went to doctor last week to see about headaches migraines I've had for over 3 weeks constantly. He is getting me to do bloodtests this week.

But basically, it emerged during our chat, the consultation (where I just ended up crying and spilling all my feelings out) that basically I have deeper anxiety issues and panic attacks. And with both of those, there is background depression. Doctor was fantastic and I finally feel like I am on the road to recovery in getting back to normal, as when he asked me when i last 'felt normal', I said it was before the birth of my 3 yr old...

The problem is DH, who works globally lots, works long hours here, often weekends too, cannot see how I can say that I have felt this way for 3 years. We had a bit of a row about it yesterday, (we never normally argue, prob as he is never here!) when he said he felt sad and that he had failed as a DH knowing that I see the last 3 yrs as a 'waste'. I didnt say that i felt i had wasted the last 3 yrs, only that they have been the most difficult, trying to raise 2 little DC's who I love so much, but the issue has been I think that the responsibility of caring for them, with a largely absent yet supportive DH, is quite overwhelming, to the point now, where everyday life activities things that normal humans do quite easily all seem to be a bit of a stress and a panic for me.

It is frustrating with DH's somewhat lack of support, but am so glad to have found a doctor who listened, understood and has offered to put me on a short course of medication to get my chemical imbalance back to normal levels.

But what to do about a DH who can't accept that how I feel is valid?

You said in one part that he was supportive, but absent - do you really think he can't accept how you feel, or do you think it silk just take time?

I was in a similar position to you, with an absent but supportive husband. At the end of the day, they can only be so supportive when they're 8000 miles away in a different time zone. It's really really hard.

It took a long time for my husband to be as supportive as I needed to be, but now he is brilliant. I sent him links about how to support someone with depression and anxiety, and how it's not his fault necessarily if I'm down or snappy.

I also made it very clear that depression is an illness just like diabetes or epilepsy. It requires treatment, management and sometimes a change in lifestyle. And treatment takes time, and even when times are good, you cam still have bad days.

It takes time, but you will get there :)

Thanks v much Arana, sorry this is late reply, just checked in as we were out all day as a family (well, into his workplace in the city while he had a few hrs to do in the office, so I took DC's to the city park etc for a few hrs then we all drove home together, kids slept in car so we parked near a beach and took turns to have a walk on the beach each, while one of us stayed in the car with the sleeping children)

A good day together, where he did say everything would be ok, he would support me on it, doesnt think less of me for taking steps to do something to feel better etc

Feeling very grateful atm

Thanks for reading my post earlier, it helps to be listened to by someone who knows what it's like.