Scared if i get help it will go against me

[koolaroo]

Im a single mum to 3 wonderful Ds's. Being on my own with them dosent bother me at all but over the past 8 months things have gradually got worse and I'm struggling to cope now and need advice.

My eldest Ds has had a lot of problems from 11 onwards (he is nearly 15 now). He has been in trouble with both school and police and after initially starting with a ADHD diagnosis, the Camhs doctors refused to diagnose him as he was showing signs of epilepsy.The MRI and EEG scans came up clear and he developed symptoms associated with psychosis which they put him on medication for, he has gradually worked his way through depression, OCD and although the medication helped his sleep he is now back to the original symptoms. He has got himself in even more bother and has been to court for assaulting another boy.He was given a 12 month referell order.
I have worked closely with Camhs and early intervention to try to help my Ds and sometimes it has been a battle because he dosent want to be any different and resents having to see them.
In the meantime I have 2 younger Ds's who need my attention and my middle Ds has learning difficulties after contracting Meningitis when he was 3, his hearing/speech and memory has been affected and he is a superstar at school and tries so hard to keep up but is still needing lots of extra help from Senco, my youngest Ds just constantly plays up for the attention that the other 2 get, he is bright and funny and i try so hard to make them all feel special but Im worried its catching up with me.

I suffered from panic attacks in the past but figured I had it under control, Ive coped fairly well but in the last 8 months apart from the problems with Ds1 and 2,ive also had a fairly horrific Cancer scare and have had to console the children when their (idiot)father dissapeared from their lives when he got sentenced to 3 years in prison.If it was my choice he would have nothing to do with them but I have had to lie and tell them he is working abroad, Ds2 would be tortured if he knew where his Dad was, so I allow him to speak to the children on the phone but I am now trying to cope without any maintenance from him. I cant work because of DS1's problems and Im at the end of my tether.
Because of the referell order my Ds1 has been given, we have had a visit from his youth justice worker tonight and she has informed me because DS1 has committed a violent crime, that social services may need to be involved (as I have 2 younger children in the house).DS1 is a diamond with his siblings but I can understand why they have to do what they do....but the last few days I have found it really hard to cope, and I was going to see my GP to see if he could help.I feel like I may totally crack if anything else is thrown at me...but Im now worried if they put me on anything to calm me down and stop my fears, it will go against me if child services get involved?? Sorry it is such a long post but any advice would be so welcome.

I think you'd have to be superhuman to get through all of that without needing a bit of support! The GP will probably be amazed that you have coped so well for so long, and I should think that your fitness as a mother will be the last thing on his/her mind! It's obvious that you're doing everything in your power to be an amazing mum, and I think seeking help for yourself is a part of that - getting some help will mean that you are able to carry on being a superhero for your kids (sorry, that sounds really trite and silly but it's true!). Seriously, making sure that you are well enough (physically and mentally) to keep being the best possible mum for your kids - that is a massive massive tick in the "plus" column to me. I don't think it would go against you at all. Good luck x

DBC: Thank you so much for that. I havent actually talked to anyone about what I wrote and I read it back thinking...do I actually say all that to a doctor. But I think your right, ive been more worried about what they could think, rather than asking for help and seeing it as a positive. I guess I have mistakenly thought asking for help shows I cant cope, maybe a little true but better to ask for help than carry on until I get worse. I worry about absolutely everything at the moment and that is a huge sign that things are getting out of control, I dont want to be shoved on anti depressants, believe it or not I do love my life with my boys, but I know I need a little support and if they can help its a positive.. not a huge marker against a single mum that she cant cope with her kids (which is what im thinking). Thank you for yr reply x x

Please, itcouldhappen, stop trying to put people off seeking help. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience, but that doesn't give you the right to spread scaremongering stories around to terrify people who are already feeling overwhelmed and stressed as it is. I hate the idea of getting into a bunfight with you, but your posts are making me quite cross now.

Sweetheart you need to be honest with your gp I am a single parent of two girls and I have revere depression. Your children need you to be well. I have regularly cried all over my gp, said I wished I was dead etc but this has never led to ss being involved. Millions of people struggle with depression and mental illness and ss don't get involved. Please get help and don't hide anything and your children will benefit as well as yourself

WOW.That is what worries me Itcouldhappen.

I am scared that if I go they will think Im struggling to cope, and it isnt that I cant cope.Its just I know my fears about something happening to the kids is a backlash of the stress Ive had over the past few months.

I have a doctor that is brilliant and has actually saved ds2's life when he had Meningitis and I will go to see him, the other doctors dont really know me because I really dont go that often, so could take my concerns as a "she cant cope,run for the hills with the kids". That is what scares me and Im glad Ive had both replies as its made me realise I need to yell....but to the right person.Thank you x

Good for you 'death by chocolate' you said exactly what I was thinking. Depression or mental illness alone does not lead to children being taken I am sorry but it doesn't. Im sorry for your situation but I am dubious about it

Deathby dont worry, I have taken itcouldhappens advice but only to a point where I would quite rightly choose the right doc to talk to, I would of asked to talk to doc i trust. I dont break down or talk to people easily(which is probably where the problems stem) but I certainly wouldnt suffer in silence for long, its the reason I posted in the first place. Thank you for your post though, i do understand what you mean. Gingerchick......ah it is so nice to hear another mum is struggling to keep their head above water, im happy to be a single mum, sounds strange but I do.Its just sometimes I feel a bit on my own and out of my depth and Im guessing you know that feeling so thank you for your reply too x x

Oooh that sounded awful. i didnt mean i was glad your struggling too Ginger...i just meant its a relief to hear Im not the only Mum x

You're are welcome lovely I have too worried about seeking help bcause I have an irrational fear of my kids being taken because their dad was violent but I've always been told that the more help you get the better because it means yet are acknowledging the problem and trying to deal with it. You will feel better I am on AD s and still struggle at times well most of the time tbh but I am a good mum as you obviously are.

That's how I read it don't worry x

WTF having a clean house has nothing to do with social services taking or not taking your child you are being completely ridiculous and are upsetting people with untruths and exaggeration stop trying to push your own agenda and let people have balanced responses. HOnestly!

OP Social Services needs to make sure that your other children are safe from the dc that has been violent. They have a duty to make sure that you adequately protect them and keep them safe. That's all. If there have never been any incidents with your oldest ds attacking the younger ones and you make it clear that you would get help if it happened they will back off again. It's best to co-operate.

Anymum, I have reported your post to MNHQ. I think your advice not to be honest with the doctor is potentially harmful.

OP, you poor thing. Get help. Millions of people are on ad's. Including me, they saved my life. No GP will hold it against you, they will try to help you. Good luck.

Thankfully I never saw the post that has angered both ginger and Morris but Im glad it had gone before I read it. Whatever they had said about lying to my doctor would of been ignored anyway, there would be no point in going if i wasnt going to be honest about how I felt and I have encouraged Ds1 to be open and honest to his Camhs doctor so it would be hypocritical for me to hold back and lie about things.
Ginger I have totally irrational fears about the children, the most bizzarre things go through my head when they arnt with me and I know its a sign that things are getting too much. I suffer from really bad neck pain when I get stressed and it feels like its a struggle to hold my head up some days so I am going to see my doctor. Maybe just talking about things will help, and I am not against AD at all I just dont want to start relying on things to get me by.
Madmouse I totally understand that SS need to check the children arnt at risk.I know he is a star with them and has loads of patience with them but obviously they dont so It is totally understandable they want to check. I just worried that by seeing a doctor and telling them Im struggling a bit it will go against me and they get heavily involved. Ds1 is so protective of the 2 younger ones and I know he would never hurt them so I have no concerns there.
Morris thank you so much.Im glad I posted this, it has made me realise Im not the only one and asking for help isnt a weakness x

Koolaro I would be more worried if you didn't struggle right now - you have so much on your plate.

Thanks Madmouse. It has just caught up with me I think.I tend to plod along and hope everything is ok but the last few months seem to of been pretty intense and I havent had chance to catch my breath x

Anybody would be struggling under the sheer magnitude of what you are dealing with You are definitely not weak

Thank you ginger, i appreciate that x

Hope you are ok koolaroo

Koolaroo, please don't be put off asking for help by Itcouldhappen's post. Itcould appears to be biased by their own experiences, and we don't know the whole circumstances for those.
Suffice to say that very many people with anxiety or low mood recieve support for that without it triggering concerns about their parenting or ability to cope. You sound like a very competent and caring parent so I can't see that you have anything to worry about. Don't not get help if you know that you need it - to not get help might only make things worse...but you know that.
Anyone who is coping with what you are would find it tough going. If you need a bit of support then don't hesitate to ask for it. best wishes.

Thank you Selks I am so grateful for everyone's advice.
I did have an appointment to see a doctor today, but Ds3 has been up with sickness and the runs through the night so I have had to cancel but Im ringing again tomorrow to make another appointment. I actually dont feel as bad as I did last week and my Ds1 has really tried hard to make things easier.Think a combination of talking on here and getting a little break from him has helped but I know I still need to talk to the doctor, and your totally right it needs doing now, not when things have got worse x

Glad you're feeling better hope you get your docs appointment and your LO feels better soon x

Glad things are a little better for you, but don't forget to get help if you feel that you would benefit from it. Take cake and best wishes. x

How did today go, Koolaroo?